Worship tonight

Worship practice tonight for awesome. It wasn't because we had the whole band or many of us came and worship or practiced together... Guess what? Only 6-7 peeps were there; 1 electirc guitarist, 4 singers (including myself) and band leader, who also handled the PA system for us. It is amazing how we can still worship and praise Him, singing with our hearts out with only the electric guitar. The delimma was that, the keyboard couldn't be used because the main power plug for the keyboard was missing. There wasn't any news from the bassist, couldn't contact the fella. The other guitarist was stuck with work, thanks to his boss and the drummer did come! but after that, decided perhaps we'll just do it with the electric guitar. In other words, many peeps just couldn't make it for the practice though they were in the band. But it's okay.

Perhaps some were disspointed-ler. I know I was a bit when I saw so few ppl.. and was wondering what happened to the rest of the peeps. You see, I have been missing from the ministry as well because of exams and also, I wasn't 'on' to serve that time as my sifu took over and served instead (there wasn't extra keyboards). I wasn't dissapointed or sad or anything like that. Instead, the timing was good because that was during my assignment/projects & exam period. Also, my parents wasn't too happy with my involvement with so many practices and activities. So, I really needed that break to spend time in my studies and with my family. And I did! So, after my exams and now working, I came back again and am glad to be there, serving again, but everyone else seem to be missing. Don't get me wrong, I don't blame them. I'm sure they have their reasons as I had mine the last month.

So, we only had the electric guitar as I mentioned. I had a strong feeling that practice would turn out great, better than what we'll imagined and perhaps even better than having the whole band together tonite. This happened when we were about to pray. What I am going to say next, may sound really bad-ler.. I was supposed to play keyboard but I know that I haven't really practiced for it and when I did practice, it didn't sound good enough.. my playing quality have gone down! Seriously! I wasn't ready or prepared. So, I was slightly relieved that I didn't have to play. Perhaps, even afraid that I would make the whole band suffer because of my playing (if I played). So, went into singing instead.

4 of us singing... 2 gals and 2 guys. Just using the e. guitar and singers, woah, it felt as if the place was a concert or opera house.. without audience but the singing combination was good and our guitarist played really well with his fill ins and his increadible skills. Most importantly, we could worship God freely and we focused on Him. It wasn't just to practice our skills but really to sing our hearts out to God and giving our all/best when we play or sing to Him. I know that His Holy Spirit was with us and when 2 or 3 are gathered in the midst, He will be there. Amen! It was awesome! Not just a worship practice for an upcoming event but singing it with joy, excitement and passion for Him... as if He was really there in the midst of us, as we exalt and giving Him glory. I'm sure He was there, in our hearts as He stirred our spirits-men within us.

It is amazing what God can do just with a guitar and a few singers. This I'm sure, taught us a lesson, that we don't have to have the whole band to worship God. We don't have to have all the instruments to make it perfect. Worship is the condition of the heart and you can worship with out without instruments, with or without others around you. Amen? We can always sing praises to Him even when there is just 2 people or on your own. Do it accapella by all means if you don't have the resources. Just don't give up or break down because of the lack of people or resources. Because our God is a God that can do things that we can't even imagine. He is great and He can make things great and happen. He only needs a vessel. Just one person to start, willing to serve Him and a heart that would follow Him.

I sang with joy in my heart! It has been years since I have that joy and God kept His promise. He granted me the joy when I was in the Baptism and Encounter Weekend. Usually, I'll shy off and would not want to sing in front of people, but this time, I just don't care. I just sing my whole heart out with joy. After that, God reminded me again of the passion and my prayer last time. It is still a mystery to me whether this is where God wants me to start or is this the so called 'new talent', also the promise that He wants to fullfill. I don't know but I'll continue to serve Him anyway, in wherever I am now.. and see where the Lord will lead me. How would I know where He leads me? I really don't know, but I think when the time comes and He really wants me to know, He will make it known to me somehow!

The Prayer

I went out for prayer last weekend celebration, trying to help out in anyway I can. I challenged myself to do so... though I feel small most of the times, whether it's praying for other people (whom I do not know or older than me) or be the catcher when they fall. As a leader in church, it is important that I learn to overcome this fear and not underestimate what God can do in my life. Even a prayer for a kid can be powerful, so there is really no age boundaries on the power of prayer or even mentoring others.

In my heart, I guess I wanted to be prayed for but kinda shy to go ask for it. So, I served la. Pastor suddenly approached me and asked whether I want to be prayed for or have I been prayed for. I told her I was just helping around. Then, I thought, I should just give it a shot ya know. One of my prayer request was to be more bold and couragous; to speak up when I need to and to dare to do things that I should do and asked to do by God. I find that my spirit of timidity isn't going anywhere, so I need to learn to take bolder steps if I want to live out loud for God and as a leader, I can't be timid all the time! I need to lead, guide and be able to edify and rebuke others when it is necessary.

So, Pastor M. did pray for me. I remembered some of the things she said... she told me this is one of the step of boldness... by coming out and asking for prayer. She added many other things, beside the prayer for boldness. She said that she sensed that the Lord was asking me not to rely too much on my gifts/talents (BINGO!) Wow! It spoke to me. Why is that? This is because I realized I have been relying a lot on my talents. Too much perhaps that I neglect Him at times. Also, I realized that I don't really know where am I heading to! I like this.. and that.. and this.. because I am sort-of good in doing it. Therefore, I am serving Him in that area. Perhaps that was what I was doing before. So now, I am really confused on where I should be serving and what is His desire for me to do for Him in the ministry. You see, so many choices can get you confused as well.

It was a prayer that I haven't heard before. A prayer that says that God will give me something new, new talents and it seems quite odd that I seem to have this sense of recognition of what she was saying... it was as if I already knew that He will do so but I don't know what is it (though I heard it for the first time as well). It was an assurance, deep inside of me and all I need to do is depend on Him and stick close to Him. Slowly, I will understand the Father's heart for me and what He desires for me to do in my life. I really pray and hope so!

My ministry in church... Cell Group Leader & Music Ministry. The thing about music ministry is that I used to serve in dance and keyboardist. Used to be a worship leader as well. I even had the desire to be a worship leader. Again, oddly, I have this thing inside of me that reassures me that God remembered my prayer and my desires before. I had so many desires and passions that I used to have that I really don't know which prayer/desires or passions I had before that He will fullfill in my life.

One thing I learn from that prayer is not to rely on my talents but rather the source, the giver and the maker... the person itself who make it all happen. I am still a bit confused and still searching but I am not giving up, neither am I just standing at the sidelines. I am playing the game as I am searching as well, because I know God doesn't want me to just sit and watch my life pass by while waiting for the revelation of what He wants me to do. Rather go out there and search as well as serve in wherever I am now first.

One thing I learnt today is to be faithful with the lil things that God has given me now. If I can take responsibility of these lil things, God will trust me with other bigger ones later on. Step by step, lil by lil.

Also, one part of the prayer that I'll remembered (from last Sat), that in my journey, I won't have be transformed totally into a better person but lil by lil overcoming the fears I have, dealing with issues and weakness in my life. Also, He will be changing me, taking me step-by-step with Him. I thank God for His patience and His accepting me when I have let Him down so many times. He is my ultimate mentor =) I am thankful that I have such a great God by my side who loves me dearly.

Mentoring

My heart desire and my prayer was to be mentored or be in a menotoring group. Also, to mentor someone or a group of gals, to bring them up to be a women after God's heart. I am sure that in the future, I would be mentoring my husband (he will mentor me as well) and my kids, physically, emotionally and spiritually! =)

I am excited to be in this journey. I have been mentoring someone, but I feel as if I haven't done enough because I do not really know how to mentor. I want to do more than what we are doing now. I want to go into a deeper level of transparency and mentoring relationship with the person. I longed to be mentored as well. I guess I was mentored by my parents, my ex-cell leader during secondary years and cell leader in PreU but I feel I needed more than just that... The mentoring that I am seeking for is like, really keeping each other accountable for the things we do, and bringing up each other spiritually, sharing our hearts out, our desires and problems. It need not be one-on-one but maybe a small group of gals, perhaps. I am looking for such mentoring setting, relationship or group.

I don't know where to look for it. Been praying about it for a while and I think it is essential for me and others that I am mentoring and one day will mentor more as well, in the coming days. This is one of my passion and desire. That the mentoring relationship will not be one-way but both ways and also, running together for years! Building the friendship, the closeness with one another and trust among each other.

In the other hand, I am afraid of being mentored because at times, I am afraid that people would see me for who I am underneath the mask and they would view me differently. Perhaps, such sins that they never thought I would have commited. It is scary if you think about it. But I am starting to learn to unmask myself (which is a progress). It also means that I need to leave my comfort zone to deal with the issues of the self (which I know I have to deal with a lot of things in myself and change of character).

I am afraid and yet I know there is a need for it. Mentoring is not to be taken lightly because people learn from you and people look up to ya. Also, you are shaping the person. No wonder, there is a need to pray before mentoring someone or pray about the people who are mentoring ya, because God knows best and knows who are the people that can really build us up in our lives.

So, Lord please help me on my search and journey of mentoring that I will soon discover and let it be centered around you.

Memory loss...

Argh! I seem to be forgetting my schedule ever since i've started working.

For example:-

1) Call someone to do ice-breaker for CG, when I said I will

2) Reconfirm with my friend whether I could meet them

3) Send the sms which I have typed


I'm in a daze >_< what's happening to me?

I think I need to put reminders or depend on a planner book againz *sigh*

Eating habits decreased

Can't eat as much as I used to anymore >_<
My appetite isn't that BIG as used to be...

Sad...

Benefits of working

Healthier life

• Consistent exercise from Mon to Fri, walking from KLCC LRT station to my office place (10 mins walk)
• Eating 3 full meals (usually I'll skip breakfast but I realize I need it now)
• Drink more water
• Sleep earlier
  

Independance

• I know how to use the LRT on my own
• At least I know my way around in KLCC & to my workplace
• More exposed to KL life
• Increases my sense of independance (walking around on my own)

Meet new friends & old ones

• My 'si fu' in workplace will always bring me out makan
• Many of my colleagues are Malay but they are friendly peeps
• Met a lot of my secondary school friends this week, esp in LRT train

Learning experience

• Learn what testing application programme do
• Expand my knowledge and skills (it's IT job if u didn't notice)
  
• Not limiting myself to just "psychology" though I studied that (will go into there)
  
• Though it's kinda repetitive, I am in ease because at least I know how to 'kau dim' the work given to me
• Experience working environment & expand communication skills (hopefully!)
  

There are a few disadvantages too...

• lethargic after work (really really tired. Understand my parents better)
• expensive man the food in KL (this is because I can only turn to KLCC for food!)

Well, that's about it la... the disadvantages so far.
Working life isn't that bad. First day, I felt like an odd ball and wanted to quit edi. Now I'm getting used to it and overcame the complaining spirit in me.

My parents are overall proud of me for taking up the job (though was sudden and I wanted to have a month hols first) and so far, I've survived a week in it. Mum got feedback that I very 'kuai' in work =P I hope so la...

Mum says that if you are open to learning (though it may not be in your field, you can go far in life -somesort along that line-). That's how she got as far as she did now. I respect my mum for her attitude in life =)


"Serve wholeheartedly as if you were serving God, not men" (Ephesians 6:7, NIV)

Updates

Oh man, there were so many things happening and I haven't blogged about it. I am really excited to share about it with ya all.. and also, one day as I reflect and read my posts back, I am reminded of what had happened =)

Well, updates...

1. Didn't do so well in exam. 2 out of 4 papers were not that good. For the first time, I 'tembak'/ randomly picked answers for my MCQ questions like crazy 'cuz I was in a rush. It was terrible and I know I didn't put in the amount of effort I should have in my studies.
2. Went for "Psycho Camp" (Psychology Camp la). Theme was "Life is Beautiful". I really enjoyed myself and had a changed perspective about my life. I really learnt a lot from the camp and I met some amazing people (my juniors, am proud of them) and grew closer to one of my school mates =) It was a 4 day, 3 nites camp.
3. I went for Baptism and Membership Encounter Weekend (BMEW) and I really did encounter the Lord there. I learnt a whole new perspective about my Father in Heaven and really it has been so great being there. Opened up my heart to Him, envisioned me together with Him.. it's amazing.. how He took me in and accepted me, though I ran away so many times from Him. The story of the Prodigal Son, Though I was really tired and had backaches from the previous camp, Spirit of God really kept me awake for all the sessions there. Also, pastor did a great job preaching. I personally like his style of teaching.
4. Just started work. It was o-kay la. I won't say I really love it, but could handle la. Quite tiring though. Takes about an hour to travel there and back. It'll be for 2 months.. means 40 more days, minus today and 2 days of leave. Am thankful that I got a job. Just didn't think it would be this early. Still very confused with what I'm suppose to do. Don't quite understand much about the job I'm doing. If you all were wondering, I am doing testing on application programme.

That's the update for today. Selamat Malam and take care! ^_^