Long Journey

It's a long long journey
Till I know where I'm supposed to be
It's a long long journey
And I don't know if I can believe
When shadows fall and block my eyes
I am lost and know that I must hide
It's a long long journey
Till I find my way home to You

Many days I've spent
Drifting on through empty shores
Wondering what's my purpose
Wondering how to make me strong

I know I will falter
I know I will cry
I know you'll be standing by my side
It's a long long journey
And I need to be close to you

Sometimes it feels no one understands
I don't even know why
I do the things I do
When pride builds me up till I can't see my soul
Will You break down these walls and pull me through

Cause It's a long long journey
Till I feel that I am worth the price
You paid for me on calvary
Beneath those stormy skies

When Satan mocks and friends turn to foes
It feels like everything is out to make me lose control
It's a long long journey
Till I find my way home to You
To You...

Excited excited excited!!!~

I feel really excited to go back to Msia this time.

For some reason, I am not as nervous as the last time.. instead, I am overjoyed :)

I've been smiling heaps just thinking and planning what I'd be doing back home.

I miss...

• my wonderful parents (though I know I'd be restricted to home esp at nite)
• my friends (whom I love hanging out with... and a couple that is coming back from overseas)
• jamming sessions (miss playing the various instruments)
• serving in my church (miss dancing!!! and see how the youth ministry is goin')
• being in my cell group (unfortunately it has been disbanded already)
• movies & karaoke session (just have fun!)
• M'sia FOOOOOOOOOOODDDDD~ Glorious food! XD
• holidaying & touring around: Penang, Ipoh, Malacca & Spore
• my angel [something new that popped up recently;)] - perhaps that is why I am incredibly excited.

I really do not know what to anticipate...

but I know that I have been counting down the days...

I am salivating for the taste of Msian food...

I think I am about to start packing already!...

I just can't wait.. can't wait.. can't wait.. :) *smileeeeeeezzzzz & Grinnnnnnnz*

You are for me by Keri Jobe

So faithful
So constant
So loving and so true
So powerful in all You do
You fill me
You see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to you

I know that you are for me
I know that you are for me
I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness
I know that you have come down
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me who you are

So patient
So gracious
So merciful and true
So wonderful in all You do
You fill me
You see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to you

1st viewer vs. 3rd viewer - Being Real 2 Yourself

Inspired by the devotional book, Everyday with Jesus - Being Real In Psalms, pg. Mon -6 Jul.

Quote from John Calvin in the book:

"[The psalmist] lay open their inmost thoughts and affections [emotions], and call, or rather draw, each one of us to the examination of himself in particular, in order that none of the infirmities to which we are subject, and of the many vices in which we abound, may remain concealed"

A poem
Looking at her from a distance...
Every move, every step, every path she takes...
Looking in from a third party perspective
Like an outsider prying into her world...
Through the sheer glass wall...
However, as odd as it is, I could still feel her pain...
Her pain becomes my pain...
Why is that? Why does it affect me so much...
It doesn't seem to make sense...
Until I finally came into realisation...
That she...
is actually...

Me.
Written by Lizzie Hie

Have you ever felt as if you, you are always looking through a 3rd person's view?
Are you observing other people's lives? Perhaps a stranger you passed by or someone really close to you...
Or maybe... looking into your own life... but never really dared to face up to it or realise that...
... that person is really actually

YOU

It sounded like some sort of 'Split Personality Disorder', isn't it?
That's what happens when you learn Psychology and you actually remember what you've learned. It's all about identifying the symptoms & finding the right label or description to what have been identified.

Just to clarify, no.. I do not have a 'Split Personality Disorder'. I'm pretty sure of that.

Back to what I am about to say...
Perhaps now I realise that I have been one who tries to keep a distance from my own emotions. One who tries to run away from them.

It's like watching a Taiwanese or Korean drama series. It feeds to your addiction and sucks you into their world... Often we wish that we are the person in the drama... Why? Coming from my personal views:

• I know what went wrong in the character's past and current situations
• I know what is going on in his or her future story (I can fast forward, I just have to keep clicking next - even then, I still have to wait for it)
• Though in the present plot, the characters may not know really know what they are up against, at least I know what is going on in the story
• I see the reality of the story
• I see the whole story line and plot
• I can't change it, but I can see it
  
• Plus previews, always gives it away for the next episodes
  

I've also thought about this:
Though I feel their pain, I am still a 3rd viewer... watching from a far.
I can't warn them, I can't touch them.
They are beyond my reach.. plus, they are just characters from a series/movie.

If I can see myself as a 3rd viewer and feel the pain I ought to feel from the character.
How much more pain would I feel as myself?
How much more afraid I'd be when I face myself with all of these true emotions?
How much more do I need to realise that...
the reality I had in mind.. is not.. the reality..
but that THIS... while I'm awake and alive in the present moment..
is...

...The reality...

3rd viewers can't control the other person's lives. However, as the 1st viewer, you can choose to live your life.

I hate making decisions with the choices I have. It is tiring. It leads to mistakes. Everything can go wrong from one decision. And in most decisions that you make, it affects not only you, but others around you. But perhaps I've been viewing it with the wrong sight... decisions and choices, ain't that bad. It is how I choose to think about them and view them as.

From a 3rd person's view... I imagined God looking into my life...
A God who could see all that I do.
My every step, my every word, my every breath.
A Holy God who sees all my victories and my sins,
A God who could feel all of my joys and pains,
My strengths and my weaknesses,
My true self and my false pretences,
A God who can't turn His eyes away from me...
even for a minute or a second.
He sees it all.

How hard and painful is that? And it is not Him living my life.. it is me, yet He has to bear with all that I am.

Another quote from the book:

"You will never find God as real as when you are real"

Perhaps.. maybe thats why...
I never really felt as if,

I am lacking something real in my life.

The real me
&

the real Him

He has always been real.
However, if I can't even face myself truthfully.
How am I going to face Him truthfully?

How then, am I going to sustain the relationship I have?
with Him and with others.
No wonder my relationships seem so disconnected.

You can't sustain something that is not real.
You can't sustain a false world.

My prayer:
"Help me to face up who I truly am. Help me to face up my inequities and fears. Help me.. to face me for me and You for You..."

Hillsong Conference 2009 @ Acer Arena, Sydney

My journey from Hillsong Sydney

I came back from Sydney just a couple days ago
and it seem like things really did change
I was quite critical when they said
that the conference would be a life changing experience

Well, coming back from once
sure brought some transformation
in my faith
and spirit within

I never thought that
I'd be able to face one of my fears
I never thought that
I'd have the heart to let go

Something that I hold so dear
but I guess I'm learning to see
the hope that comes ahead with it
even when it brings pain

I learned about pain
Pain that could lead me to a better place
Pain as my personal companion
that would walk with me through my life

Pain that is not from my own stupidity
but the ones that comes from Him
The ones that would mould me
and mature me into a better person

I learned 3 phrases
that would carry me through my pain
thanks to Jentenzen Franklin
I have 3 phrases to preach to myself

"I am with you" says God, and
"I am at the bottom of this circumstance"
Last but not least, I am reminded that
"I am given enough faith for this"

3 phrases that I never thought
Would encourage me
and change my outlook and mindset
about the way I see things

How you preach to yourself is important
As much as when you preach to others
How you choose to live through your pain
Can bring you to greater heights

Lord, please help me through
step by step take my hand
I know for sure this time
That You do hear my cries

Help me remember
That You have not forgotten me
And that my salvation lies
in Your hands even when I feel lost

You said that I am never holding You up
Instead You were and are the one lifting me up
In Your victorious right hand
the One who carried me through
my darkest hour and greatest fall

Help me remember
Your faithfulness
Your love
Indeed that all these things remains:
Faith, hope and love.

But the most important one of all is
.LoVe.

A special message...

A special message:

Happy Birthday, my dear Angel!

May God bless you abundantly...
May He guide you in your journey of life...
May He grant wisdom in all the decisions you make...
May He grant understanding in whatever knowledge you have, or yet to acquire...
May He mature you in all facets of your life - physically, mentally, emotionally & spiritually...


Continue to be the person He has made you to be.
Continue to appreciate the little things & the big things He provided for you.
Continue to hold true to the relationships He has blessed you with.
Continue to spread the joy through your smiles, laughter & child-like heart.
Continue to extend out love, warmth, kindness & hospitality towards others around you.
Continue to use your gifts and talents to the glory of His Name.

Remember that you are here because of Him.
Remember that you are made for His purposes.
Remember that you are alive because He allows you to live.
Remember that His plans for you are for the best.


Last but not least,
Remember that you are LOVED
...by God...
...by your family...
...by your friends...
...by your brothers/sisters in Christ...
...and by me...

Luv & Signed sincerely by

The Climb by Miley Cyrus

- Hannah Montana Lyrics

Thanks for stickin by...

My unstable, irregular troubled emotions seem to have subsided and stabalised after last Thurs...

...thanks to my dear gal friend who accompanied me the whole day...

...the chat I had with my lecturer...

... the dinner cooked by my dear friend...

... friend's bf and exuni mate visit with lemon cheese cake...

...Thank you...
It made a difference
Knowing you guys would be there
and still be there...

It'll be over soon...
then all I need to do is... REST...
Wanna take a break from everything...

I still do have some questions in my mind.

Why is it that I am not as strong as the others?
Why do I need people around me to be there - physically & support me? to feel better.
Why do I constantly have people worrying about me?
Am I really that weak?

However,

I am blessed

I do feel bad sometimes...
I hope I can do the same for them.. as they have for me...
Often times, I feel as if I fail in doing so.
Am not as good at it as they are.
Yet they are patient and they cont to stick by me.

Thank you.

'Art on the streets' in Adelaide

This is what I call 'arts on the streets' :)

A simple attempt like this, done by young people themselves, can make a difference in our community and society.

Primary school kids and migrant young people get to see their art in which they did themselves on the side streets of the city.

I wonder how much impact does this have on the young people and also the people who see these art effort around.

It certainly gave me hope... for young kids to be able to express themselves... to feel belonged and be part of the society and community they live in.

Smileys for the kids who were involved in this project :)

A Future Not Our Own

A prayer / poem by Archbishop Oscar Romero

It helps, now and then, to step back
and take the long view,
The kingdom is not only beyond our efforts,
it is beyond our vision.

We accomplish in our lifetime only a tiny fraction of
the magnificent enterprise that is God's work.
Nothing we do is complete,
which is another way of saying
that the kingdom always lies beyond us.

No statement says all that could be said,
No prayer fully expresses our faith.
No confesssion brings perfection.
No pastoral visits brings wholeness.
No programme accomplishes the church's mission.
No set of goals and objectives includes everything.

This is what we are about:
We plant seeds that one day will grow.
We water seeds already planted, knowing that they hold future promise.
We lay foundations that will need further developmen.
We provide yeast that produces effects beyond our capabilities.

We cannot do everything
and there is a sense of liberation in realizing that.
This enables us to do something,
and to do it very well.
It may be incomplete, but it is a beginning, a step along the way.
an opportunity for God's grace to enter and do the rest.

We may never see the end results,
but that is the difference between the master builder and the worker.
We are workers, not master builders,
ministers, not messiahs,
We are propehts of a future not our own.


Ref: http://www.simonbarro.net/reflect3.html

"Just That Girl" dance - from Another Cinderella Story

Loves to dance!
Wish I could... now ;)

More Beautiful You by Jonny Diaz

Lyrics
Little girl fourteen flipping through a magazine
Says she wants to look that way
But her hair isn't straight her body isn't fake
And she's always felt overweight

Well little girl fourteen I wish that you could see
That beauty is within your heart
And you were made with such care your skin your body and your hair
Are perfect just the way they are

There could never be a more beautiful you
Don't buy the lies disguises and hoops they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you

Little girl twenty-one the things that you've already done
Anything to get ahead
And you say you've got a man but he's got another plan
Only wants what you will do instead

Well little girl twenty-one you never thought that this would come
You starve yourself to play the part
But I can promise you there's a man whose love is true
And he'll treat you like the jewel you are

So turn around you're not too far
To back away be who you are
To change your path go another way
It's not too late you can be saved
If you feel depressed with past regrets
The shameful nights hope to forget
Can disappear they can all be washed away
By the one who's strong can right your wrongs
Can rid your fears dry all your tears
And change the way you look at this big world
He will take your dark distorted view
And with His light He will show you truth
And again you'll see through the eyes of a little girl

When Love Story Meets Viva La Vita

Isn't that how love & life is?
When everything seems to go on so smoothly n perfectly,
U know that somewhere around the corner,
there is a sense of conflict & confusion creeping in
clouding your thoughts & fills your heart with fear.
But wait... the story doesn't end there... and it is not beyond hope.
When you wait, you began to see more things unfold before your eyes,
then here it comes, smtng beyond what one anticipated...
...the surprise, and... the adventure which awaits you n I...

...What a Perfect combination...
piano piece by Jon Schmidt

Community

...Now I kinda understand why we live in a community...

I am thankful for tonight
Just because I was able to be in the presence of others
Who brought a smile upon my face
After a long tiring day & week of...
Carrying my burdens of worries & disappointments.

Thank You

God's Chisel

So cute~ - Shy That Way

- Tristan Prettyman Lyrics

Food for thought

True Love has already been demonstrated (Josh Harris).
Sometimes I still wonder where is it, when it is already right before me...

The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but we wait so long to begin it.

Take Chances - If only you'd give it a chance, it could turn out better than you think.

If I spend less time spacing out at home, I'm sure I can accomplish so much more within a day or even an hour!

When there is a sushi deal...

3bucks for each dish in Sushi Train, Gouger St (China Town).
It was awesomeeeeee~!

Waited for an hour to get in liao! Craziness~
The queue was wayyyyyyyy long~ but it was worth the wait XD

Yes I ate that much...~
Nahhh, not on my own-ler
(What you thinking-la? Crazy meh! Think I eat this much on my own?)
ok.. I know what some of my close friends are thinking at this very moment =.= *HEYYY!!!!*

The sushis were shared and eaten by 4 of us, awesome girls!

I had a great timee enjoying every piece of sushi we had together with them!
Fellowship with girls rox... especially when it comes with awesome cheap food in which we can enjoy together! :)

Living Through The Seasons of the Year

A portion of the written letter by Farcis de Sales (1567 - 1622), a Catholic Bishop of Geneva.
Written on the 11th Feb, 1607 to Madame de Cantal (his daughter).

"My very dear daughter,

I can see that all the seasons of the year meet to give their distinctive challenges to your soul. The winter you feel as being the season of sterility, distractions, disgust, and even boredom. Then comes the month of May with the roses in bloom, and so too are the perfumes of spiritual flowers released by holy desires to please our good God. Then comes the autumn season, when you complain you do not see plentiful fruits. So be it, because it often happens that in thrashing the wheat and pressing the grapes, one fines more blessing in the harvesting and vendage than one would have expected. For it is natural to expect everything to happen in spring and summer of life, but no, my dear daughter, one needs to face the inner difficulties and problems of one's inner life, as well as the apparent successes of outward appearances.

Ultimately, all our seasonal circumstances have to be faced in the reality of our heavenly destiny. There only will be all and in all. The spring may express the beauty of the Christian life, while the autumn may bring forth joy. So what then of the winter? The winter is needed to exercise self-denial, and to exercise in a thousand small ways the struggles we go through to live devotionally. It is a climate of spiritual dryness, perhaps, yet little by little we endure it, provided we have godliness and are determined not to get discouraged, but persist in the fortitude of faith...

Let us then live joyously and courageously, my dear daughter..."


Galatians 6:9
"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up"


"O God make me truly to be a child of innocence and simplicity!" - Francis De Sales

Reference

de Sales, F 2006, 'Entering into the Spirit of Advent - December 6: Living Through The Seaons of the Year', in Houston, J M (ed), Letter of Faith Through the Season Vol 1, USA: Honor Books, pp. 23-24.

Every Season

Every evening sky, an invitation
To trace the patterned stars
And early in July, a celebration
For freedom that is ours
And I notice You
In children’s games
In those who watch them from the shade
Every drop of sun is full of fun and wonder
You are summer

And even when the trees have just surrendered
To the harvest time
Forfeiting their leaves in late September
And sending us inside
Still I notice You when change begins
And I am braced for colder winds
I will offer thanks for what has been and was to come
You are autumn

And everything in time and under heaven
Finally falls asleep
Wrapped in blankets white, all creation
Shivers underneath
And still I notice you
When branches crack
And in my breath on frosted glass
Even now in death, You open doors for life to enter
You are winter

And everything that’s new has bravely surfaced
Teaching us to breathe
What was frozen through is newly purposed
Turning all things green
So it is with You
And how You make me new
With every season’s change
And so it will be
As You are re-creating me
Summer, autumn, winter, spring

Link for the song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0SqG50ynfdw&feature=related

I may be One... but...

Food for thought:

"I am only ONE,
but still I am ONE.
I cannot do anything,
but still I can do SOMETHING,
I will not refuse to do the SOMETHING
I CAN do"

- Helen Keller

Prove vs. true

Perhaps sometimes I really don't have to...

... Prove myself to be all strong & brave ...
... Prove to be the one who can take it all in ...
... Prove myself being able to go through it ...
... Prove myself to be right & innocent ...
... Prove myself to be all good & righteous ...
... or to prove that I know best ...

Who am I really proving to? Myself or others?

Perhaps all that is really needed, is to be true & real to myself, to God and to others


Thank u for reminding me that I don't have to prove myself to be perfect :)

Wants?

Sometimes I wonder whether I really know what I want? If I really do, do I even dare to get what I want? Or perhaps is that something I want really even good for me? (eg. is it helpful or beneficial for me?) How does it affect people around me by having what I want?

Sigh...

That's the thing about me... a thinker... I wasn't really like that you know? I used to live my life quite recklessly in the past. Perhaps that's why it has changed me to become like this... However, living this carefully, I kinda feel stuck 'n often confused. Often feel torn between who I used to be and the person I am now. It seemed better than being so careful and being afraid of taking risks. Then again, it's not always fun being reckless, neither does it makes you free more carefree nor happier. Recklessness has its consequences.

Why can't things be simple? Seriously!! Then again, why can't I make things simpler for me? Livin a complicated life sure is tiring. We gals probably love the drama more than we think we do. If not we wouldn't dramatise our life. Really!!!

I then began to wonder why can't I get what I want.. is it because I really want it? Or because I am darn scared of having it? What am I afraid of? hmmm let's see... that when I really really grow to like it, it'll be taken away from me, or maybe when I suddenly lose interest in it.

A friend mentioned this phrase briefly which I actually picked up, "everything can be taken away from you". Which is true... 'cuz we don't really own any of these things. We are only called to take care of them, to steward over them.

Tell me.. why do I feel odd when I choose to do something good or beneficial not just for myself but for others. Is it something to prove myself right or wrong about certain assumptions or certain risks I anticipate?

.... Lizzzzieeeeeee oh lizzzziiiieeeee....

"Take it easy" a friend once told me. Ok maybe a few times... but yeah.
That's what... I really need.

Prayer for Peace

"Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace. Where there is hatred, let me love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love; for it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; it is in dying that we are born again to eternal life"

St Francis of Assisi

Allergy?

I think I am allergic to Malaysia.

Seriously...

My eyes still itches from time to time...
Down with flu, stuffy nose as per usual when I get back.

People around me are like unwell man!

Good news is that my skin has no eczema even after I came back.

We need cleaner air here...

New Things

New things / First Times I did so far towards pre-, during & post-New Year:


POST-

• 18th Jan '09: Going for a holiday trip on my own
• 14th - 15 Jan '09: Went for house inspections for my bro
  
• 3rd Jan '09: Went for waxing to shape eyebrow (not as bad & painful as I though ;)

DURING

• 1st Jan '09: Add & mix 'choi sin' & 'chilli' sauce into my Vietnamese special beef noodle soup
• 1st Jan '09: Used egg white to do facial
• 1st Jan '09: Ate in Indian Temptation: Finally!!! Haven't eaten nun for so long~

PRE-

• 27th Dec '08: Midnight shopping sales
• 26th Dec '08: Went to see houses decorated with Christmas lights at Lobethal (will show pics)
• 26th Dec '08: Shopping craze in Koorong (Christian bookstore) sale. Spent over $150 on others.
• 13th Dec '08: Received my first 'surprise' birthday party
• 5th - 7th Dec '08: Became OCF AGM recording secretary.
  

2009

My mentor reflected back upon my first few sessions with her and my chat about the directions/paths I was discerning for God to show me... and praying that He will help me through when I first started out the year 2008 in Adelaide...

• Part-time Job (checked): Admin/Receptionist in an accountancy firm. From 1 day to 2 days to once a week, to everyday in Nov & Dec till the 19th Dec '08. Awesome isn't it? :)
  
• Studies (checked): Decided to do Youth Work after a call from a lecturer in a Christian Bible School. Yes, another degree, nevertheless, related to my prev degrees. So praying for as many exemptions I can get. Did I tell you that I dreamt of studying in a Bible school since I was 12/13 years old? My dream came true... or is it really my calling? :)
• Ministry (checked): I was given the opportunity to worship lead in OCF apart from being a pianist. I was part of the International Student Ministry in church, helping my discipler/mentor in her ministry, in leading a bible study in a student accommodation in a suburb here. Towards the end of the term in 2008, I was asked to serve as a 2nd keyboardist in the children's church (Boy, it was a big challenge! Seriously! Don't look down at the kids! They sing like increadibly new songs and it really is a challenge to play their songs sometimes). 2009 - I'm given the opportunity to serve in the girl's ministry and in Bible Study. Those would be something new.
• Growth in God : I've to say I learnt so so much from uni, my mentor, from the people around me... and I'm able to chat with different ppl about my growing faith. So, I thank God for the community of people I have that is ever supportive. However, there is a need to grow more and there is a need for me to really connect what I've learnt to my heart.

if I cont this it'll never end. All in all I learnt heaps...

2008's theme: He Provides.

And now 2009:
How do I feel about the new year:

• Nervous: On what is to come
• Excited: To be given the opportunity to be with my family (even if it's for a while) and people I've known for years. Also, bro is coming 2 study!!! Hooray~
  
• Stressed: Still in the midst of assignments
• Fearful: That I won't be able to juggle all that I have to cope with
• Faith: that God will help me through
  

What God has impressed in my heart for 2009:

TRUST

(Realise the U is in the middle of the word)

&

FOCUS

Looking forward to new experiences....
... that would excite & motivate me to be alive & live more meaningfully...
... which would make my daily life more worthwhile...
... which will help me grow more into His likeness...
... which would direct me into His calling & specific will for me as He slowly unfolds it...

Help me to be:

COURAGEOUS
(to live each day)