The Prayer

I went out for prayer last weekend celebration, trying to help out in anyway I can. I challenged myself to do so... though I feel small most of the times, whether it's praying for other people (whom I do not know or older than me) or be the catcher when they fall. As a leader in church, it is important that I learn to overcome this fear and not underestimate what God can do in my life. Even a prayer for a kid can be powerful, so there is really no age boundaries on the power of prayer or even mentoring others.

In my heart, I guess I wanted to be prayed for but kinda shy to go ask for it. So, I served la. Pastor suddenly approached me and asked whether I want to be prayed for or have I been prayed for. I told her I was just helping around. Then, I thought, I should just give it a shot ya know. One of my prayer request was to be more bold and couragous; to speak up when I need to and to dare to do things that I should do and asked to do by God. I find that my spirit of timidity isn't going anywhere, so I need to learn to take bolder steps if I want to live out loud for God and as a leader, I can't be timid all the time! I need to lead, guide and be able to edify and rebuke others when it is necessary.

So, Pastor M. did pray for me. I remembered some of the things she said... she told me this is one of the step of boldness... by coming out and asking for prayer. She added many other things, beside the prayer for boldness. She said that she sensed that the Lord was asking me not to rely too much on my gifts/talents (BINGO!) Wow! It spoke to me. Why is that? This is because I realized I have been relying a lot on my talents. Too much perhaps that I neglect Him at times. Also, I realized that I don't really know where am I heading to! I like this.. and that.. and this.. because I am sort-of good in doing it. Therefore, I am serving Him in that area. Perhaps that was what I was doing before. So now, I am really confused on where I should be serving and what is His desire for me to do for Him in the ministry. You see, so many choices can get you confused as well.

It was a prayer that I haven't heard before. A prayer that says that God will give me something new, new talents and it seems quite odd that I seem to have this sense of recognition of what she was saying... it was as if I already knew that He will do so but I don't know what is it (though I heard it for the first time as well). It was an assurance, deep inside of me and all I need to do is depend on Him and stick close to Him. Slowly, I will understand the Father's heart for me and what He desires for me to do in my life. I really pray and hope so!

My ministry in church... Cell Group Leader & Music Ministry. The thing about music ministry is that I used to serve in dance and keyboardist. Used to be a worship leader as well. I even had the desire to be a worship leader. Again, oddly, I have this thing inside of me that reassures me that God remembered my prayer and my desires before. I had so many desires and passions that I used to have that I really don't know which prayer/desires or passions I had before that He will fullfill in my life.

One thing I learn from that prayer is not to rely on my talents but rather the source, the giver and the maker... the person itself who make it all happen. I am still a bit confused and still searching but I am not giving up, neither am I just standing at the sidelines. I am playing the game as I am searching as well, because I know God doesn't want me to just sit and watch my life pass by while waiting for the revelation of what He wants me to do. Rather go out there and search as well as serve in wherever I am now first.

One thing I learnt today is to be faithful with the lil things that God has given me now. If I can take responsibility of these lil things, God will trust me with other bigger ones later on. Step by step, lil by lil.

Also, one part of the prayer that I'll remembered (from last Sat), that in my journey, I won't have be transformed totally into a better person but lil by lil overcoming the fears I have, dealing with issues and weakness in my life. Also, He will be changing me, taking me step-by-step with Him. I thank God for His patience and His accepting me when I have let Him down so many times. He is my ultimate mentor =) I am thankful that I have such a great God by my side who loves me dearly.