Good to feel again

Have you ever felt this before?

It's like.. you were numb for months because of something that you had to go through in your life. You want to feel certain things but for some reason you just can't or it's really hard for you! For example: Falling head over heals over someone, feeling loved & appreciated, feeling genuinely happy in the inside, able to even really express your feelings out (of course in the right & wise way) etc. Perhaps, it's because of self-confidence, or the way you view the world or people, the lack of faith, past experiences that caused numbness... I don't know. Can be a combination of different reasons.

You know.. sometimes, these feelings come from an unpredictable/unknown sources. God sends different people, which comes on different times that helps you through. Maybe not even through but just one encounter with the person made a difference in your life. He or she has made you think, made you feel something deep within and you are just glad ya know! :)

These people are not necessary the people I am extremely close to. It can even be a person I met in a party or someone I bump into and got to know, hey, you're from my school!!! I've seen you before.... you look awfully familiar, how did we meet? or an old long ago friend you lost contact with... :) and you just cont to start chattin and get connected to the person and BOOM! The encounter between both of you is hard to explain but it's something really good! Something happened that puts a smile on your face XD

I am glad.. someone made me.. feel something again. I shall not membesar-besarkan this feeling because I know I'll get myself into trouble if I do. It may only be there temporarily but I thank God for these people that was sent for such a time as this... to make me feel something (whatever different emotions it may be -esp the good ones).. that I haven't felt for a long time. Thank you... I thank You that I can feel it again!

Part 2: Friends I've Found

CF Gathering: Older + Younger Ones

Okay.. I kinda "crashed" into the party since my dear friend dragged me out. Well, not exactly drag ler... I willingly went for it. LOL! You see, a friend was supposed to invite me (he promised me in United Live Concert) but I didn't get any info about it. Think he doesn't have my contact or he has forgotten me! Man, I haven't seen these kids for like... years! Well, I saw some of them in Planet Shaker's Concert that night, but almost none of them were there yesterday. Odd!

There were only 3 of my year CFers there. Oldest person, Ah Liang was there as per usual. There were a number of our juniors (1 yr younger than us). Great to see all of them. Some came back from US, UK and India-la... Also, we saw lots and lots of juniors (just ended form 5, form 3s.. the ones still studying in high school). Man, I felt sooo embarrassed! Firstly, I was sort of 'crashing' a party but they welcomed me with open arms. Secondly, I wasn't young anymore! I didn't know most of them. But the ones I knew, I am so glad that I am able to get connected and catch up with them. It's really cool and amazing to meet up with people you've been with in high school and see them grow- physically, spiritually & mentally!

Amazing I tell you.. Simply amazing! The guys were charming & the gurls bloomed into roses. The shy ones became more talkative and socialized a lot! Seeing some of the younger ones take lead in CF... it's like WOW!!! Awesome... Just look at the product of someone who started the CF in a house, inspired and passionate for God.. Look at it now.. it's amazing!

I pray that these people would cont to press on with their journey with Christ. I know that the road they take would become harder... come on, it's not easy following and maintaining relationship with God, ya know. But have faith, it is not impossible. The result would be seen when we all start working and grow older!!!

Well, that's all for now. I am sooo proud of all of ya!!!!! XD I thank God for each and everyone of you...

Part 1: Friends I've Found

People I've lost touch but was found again! Amazing!

Belle/Yein Mun. Met in PS Concert! Long time no see & you remembered me! Hope my bro didn't bully ya much! I think you can bully him more rite? *hehe* Same age as my younger bro & yet you're taller than me! Great to see ya again!

Jovy, my CF DJian Junior!!! Great to meet ya againz in PS Concert! Miss ya peeps! Such a blessing to have met ya again! Look at how much you've grown! Continue to mature in Christ ya! If you're looking for a CG, do come to our Pre-U cells! XD

Benjamin!!! Can't believe you lost my autograph book man >_< Still a bit angry & disappointed. However, I forgive you. Great to still see ya around in concerts pal! Becoming more 'leng chai' already someone.

Stephanie~ Thanks for asking me out & catching up gal! You're the bomb! Our group of friends pretty pretty, like models (except me-ler.. I am a lil chubby to be a model). Primary school rox with you, Rose & Sze Mun! Remember our 'club'? -7 Graders! We rule-

Audrey, my ballerina friend when we were kids! I was just thinking about ya few months ago. Never thought I would ever get to see you again because I totally lost ya contacts. I can't believe our paths crossed again! Thanks to Ken for bringing us together again! Am glad :) Keep in touch!

Part 3: HaPpY BiRtHdAy 2 Me!! XD

I had a birthday dinner with my family. When I was a kid/teenager, we usually go "Victoria Station" to makan. As years went by, we head to "San Francisco SteakHouse". As you can see, my taste is kinda expensive. This year we went somewhere different!!! We went "CHILLIS"! Yahooo! XD The portion of food is quite BIG though.

I never thought that my dad would suggest that place. However, it was good! We were so full! I would love to put some pics of my family here but my parents discourage me from doing so. They are afraid that someone may 'curi' the pics and modify it. It was fun going out dinner with my family and all of us happy! I very scared wanz when my parents moody.. They tend to nag me about lotsa stuff and their facial expression, you just don't wanna go near them.

So.. can't show any pics. Sowee! I wanted to pay for dinner but my dad wouldn't allow me to O_o next time then!

Oh ohh.. I forgot to mention, on my birthday, as my friends & I went 'Zuup' in 1Utama to eat, the service there was good! The guys get to play 'Play Station' that was set up at the corner as they wait for their food and when the owner got to know that it was my birthday (think he overheard), each of us got a scoop of ice-cream for FREE! Awesome, right? The food tasted good too! Price were reasonable! They have soup/stew in bread man!!! However, don't expect BIG portions. It's quite ok la. But if you have Ken's stomach, you probably need more food! LOL!

So, "Chillis" and "Zuup" is cool!!! Try Zuup some day.

Part 2: HaPpY BiRtHdAy 2 Me!!! XD

Thought I'll post separately since the other one was longggg~ Don't wanna bore my readers.

Another special thanks to the peeps who wished me via sms & calls for my birthday!!!

1. Mark Ong (2 weeks before my bd O_o)
2. Andrew Lee (a week before my bd)
   
3. My cousin, Jia Jia (a day before... on me blog)
4. Lydia Lim (a day before...)
5. Sook Fern (call in the morning to wish me & check on me)
   
6. Jason (also for your post in your blog to wish me)
   
7. Dexter Tang
   
8. Ding Jian
   
9. Pheng Aun
10. Lucas
11. Pei Wern
12. Joshua San
13. Daniel Yap CS
14. Brian Lee
15. Mandy
16. Michael
17. Unknown because no. wasn't recorded in my hp (I think it was John)
18. James Ong
    
19. Ann Jill
20. Vincent Sia
21. Jimmy
22. Andrea Pang
23. Franky
24. Jeremy
25. Irene Wong
    
26. Lemuel Low (my 'di di')
    
27. Zim Sen
28. Leslie (for calling me!)
29. Alex (for calling me out & made the arrangements for "supper")
30. Jonathan (on MSN)
31. Andrew Tan Yoon Wei (on MSN)
32. Bonnie (on MSN)
    
33. Andrew Tan
34. Chris (on call, whom I met in futsal on my bd)
35. Eric
    

Special thanks also for Birthday Cards & Friendster testimonials by:

1. Debbie (card)
   
2. Pui Fun (card + calling me)
   
3. Matthew (bro's friend)
   
4. Melanie (old school mate)
   
5. Cheryl (met in ACTS church AYA Awards)
   
6. Jovy (junior in high school)
   
7. Ryan (from YQ Camp)
   
8. Audrey Ming (from YQ Camp)
   

Not to forget, special thanks to those who gave me prezzies!

1. Perfume & Cake by my parent's close friends; Aunty & Uncle Khaw.
2. Silver Scarf by my brother.
3. Extra pocket money by my parents.
4. Handphone Anime themes by Joshua San (thanks for the surprise hidden bd prez & being so excited to wish me via sms again & again)
   
5. Belanja-ed drink & half price for dinner? by Daryl.
6. "The Case for Faith" Book by Li Jian, Brian & Alex.
   

I am so sorry if I have forgotten anyone. I hope I mentioned everyone. I tried to track down & remember the peeps to thank them. Thanks ya all again yaaa!!! :)

Part 1: HaPpY BiRtHdAy 2 Me! XD

I would like to thank those who wished me & spent time with me on my birthday, 12th Dec '06. I didn't have a BIG party bash or anything. Actually, I didn't have anything planned for my birthday but I was moved by the messages, calls & efforts my friends put to celebrate my birthday. It wasn't big but indeed it was significant in my life.

Special thanks to those I spent time with...

FLARE
You guys are funny, wei! Cake also out of shape di... all Peter & We-Ki's fault! *LOL* And Peterrr, so gonna get you for touching me when there was cream on your hands. Spread it on my hands some more! *EEEeeeeee!* So oily! Anyway, thanks for celebrating my birthday the night before the actual day and also the rest of the Dec babies. Really appreciate & love ya all!!! Thanks peeps!


My bro & buddy, Ding Jian... who called me in the middle of the night from Malacca to wish me and spent about 2 hours perhaps, talking, catching up with me & just being there as a wonderful friend & bro! I really really miss ya. Hope that we will get to meet again before you leave to UK. You're awesome bro!

My ex-CG members & friends; Ken, George, Kenny, Darlyl, MC & Glenn.
Thank you for letting me join you all for futsal in the afternoon. I didn't have anything to do at home, so I thought, it'll be good if I could spend my day outside instead. I got to learn to kick the ball properly into the goal (though I have a bad aim) & with much energy! I even got to play the last 10 mins in the court with you guys! :) I am really glad that I was able to spend my time with you guys. After that we had dinner in 1U. Boy, I sure was blur. I don't understand why you guys didn't just tell me "we'll bring you out for dinner". Instead, everyone was like so 'kuai kuai shi shi'. Kenny was whispering to Ken and all. Was like "What is going on???!!!!" And Ken just told me this the night before "Make sure you keep tomorrow night free, k?". We had dinner, my pick but Ken was still hungry! *LOL* Anyway, thanks for the dinner guys. Am thankful & glad :) All of your presence really made a difference that day.

My close ex-school mates; Alex, Li Jian & Brian.
I was sooo sooo tired after a long day out, futsal and dinner. After that, I was supposed to meet these 3 peeps for supper at 11a.m.. When I came back, I found something mysterious. I found shoes that doesn't belong to me or my family under the bench. "Who the heck would put shoes under the bench if there were visitors?", I wondered to myself. I asked my bro about it, he said it was his friends.. but there was something different with his response. I asked him whether he was sure, a few times. Boy, he was a bad liar. He laughed from time to time. I knew something fishy was going on. So, I went to his computer room, no one was there. He said, they were upstairs. Nope, no one in the hall.. no one in his room. He said my room. "Why would his friends be in my room? That is super odd". I opened the door.. nothing and it was pitch black. Few seconds later, I jumped. 3 guys were hiding in the bathroom and shouted "boo!". SAKAI!!!! Gonna kill you guys for giving me a heart attack. LOL! Anywayz, thanks you guys for doing this to me. Oh, thanks for the prezzie that was wrapped with lots & lots newspapers and a 'tali' that was tied tightly around it! You guys have all the time in the world man! So free to do such funny nonsense.

Yesterday morning we went for an expedition. No idea how they got up at 6.30am. We were suppose to get up or start walking at 6am, but we all woke up late. We started at 8am instead. Anyway, this is our 2nd time walking to DU, had a "dim sum" and coming back. They refrained me from eating 'MILO ice-cream' on the way back! Such friends I have who keep emphasizing that I am fat! Anyway, thank you guys for your time. I really appreciated the time we had last time and this things did bring back memories of the friendship we have :) Thanks once again!

More about me...

Just doing this for fun! XD

W H O. W A S. T H E. L A S T. P E R S O N. T H A T ...
:: Made you smile? Ding Jian (thanks bro!)
:: Saw you cry? God
:: Went to the movies with you? Family, watched James Bond.
:: You talked on the phone with? Michael.

W O U L D. Y O U. R A T H E R?
:: Pierce your nose or tongue? No thanks for both.
:: Be serious or be funny? Be funny. Think I am too serious di.
:: Drink whole or skim milk? Ermm.. don't quite understand. But I like Aus milk & Full Cream milk! XD
:: Die in a fire or drown? Both also don't one. It's traumatic.
:: Spend time with your parents or enemies? Parents.

D O. Y O U. P R E F E R
:: Flowers or candy? Flowers won't last, yet I don't eat much candy. But I think flowers.
:: Gray or black? Black.
:: Color or Black and white photos? I like both. Color to print, black white for admiration.
:: Lust or love? Love-ler.
:: Sunrise or sunset? Both of God's creation is beautiful! Wish I could watch both with my future partner.
:: M&Ms or Skittles? Skittles the best man!
:: Staying up late or waking up early? I prefer to wake up early but not too early. However, I don't usually do so.

A N S W E R. T R U T H F U L L Y !!
:: Do you like anyone? Nope. Hope that doesn't make me wierd.
:: Ever recorded a sexual act on video? No way! >_< :: Do you fall for the wrong guy or girl? Haha. Perhaps not wrong. Maybe not the one that was meant to be.

D O. Y O U. P R E F E R.
:: Sun or moon? Stars... It's beautiful :)
:: Snickers or Hersheys Chocolate? Hershey's.
:: Left or right? Right.
:: 10 acquaintances or having two best friends? A best friend & few close friends.
:: Sunny or rainy? Not too sunny, not too rainy. Cloudy windy would be good.
:: Vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream? Vanilla's the best.

A B O U T. Y O U!
:: What time is it? 1.06 a.m.
:: Name? Elizabeth Hie
:: Nickname(s): Liza, Liz, Lizzie, Squirrel, Lizard
:: What is your birth date? 12th December 1986
:: What do you want right this second? ...... *thinking* ...... True friends who are around that I can talk to.
:: Where do you want to live? Nice comfortable condo / nice interior designed house with wide spaces.
:: How many kids do you want? Max 4. Ideal 3.
:: You want to get married? Yes! XD
:: Can you roll your tongue? Nope.

O T H E R S:
:: Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? Cut then twirl!
:: Have you eaten spam before? O-o what?
:: Favorite ice cream? Vanilla with cookies in it. Raspberries!
:: How many kinds of cereal are in your cabinet? 1, I think. CocoCrunch!
:: What's your favorite type of soda? I hardly drink sodas. Not a fan. But best of all, is Sprite.
:: Do you cook? Not really. Learning.

I N .T H E. L A S T. M O N T H , H A V E. Y O U ?
:: Had a crush? Yeah. But... just crushes and it's over.
:: Bought something? Shopped a lot recently XD
:: Sang? Yeah man! Love singing!
:: Been hugged? Yepz! In camp, when have to say bye to peeps I've met.
:: Felt stupid? Oh, many times.
:: Missed someone? Yepz. My buddies who are not around. Close friends who are no longer close.
:: Danced crazy? I wish! Don't hv the guts!
:: Gotten your hair cut? Nope. Next week!
:: Cried? Unfortunately, yeah.
:: Lied? Think so.
:: Stole anything? Nah. Nopez.

Off for a camp again!

I'll be away for 'Youth Quake' Camp. I don't know what to feel about this camp. It's a mixture of excitement & nervousness. I don't really have much expectations for this camp. This is my first camp that I went to which combines all Methodist Christian Youth together in a camp. I usually attend my own church youth camps.

This year I've been going for camps quite often.

List of camps:-

1. Pre-U Getaway (DUMC) - Apr '06
2. Psychology Camp (HELP University College - ADP/BPsyc) - May '06
   
3. HELP CF Camp (HELP University College) - June '06
   
4. Leader's Retreat (DUMC) - June '06 - July '06
   
5. Campus Youth Camp (ACTS Church/Campus City) - Aug '06
6. CG Retreat (PreU3 CG DUMC) - Sept '06
   
7. Now, Youth Quake - Dec '06

Crazy huh? It has been pretty cool though. I made lots of friends, learnt a lot from people & leaders there. Refreshed spiritually and tried to hold unto the passion they had in the camps. It has been good-la.

What are my expectations for this Youth Quake camp?

• Make friends that would last.
  
• Make a difference in someone's life and I pray that I'll meet someone that will make a difference in mine as well.
• Refreshed spiritually.
• Able to surrender my all to Him.
  
• Inspired & a deeper desire to want to know Him more.
• Passion for His Name.
• Reaffirmed purpose for my life.

I guess... like that la. Pray for my friends & I who are going for the camp for the first time k. Thanks peeps!

Will see ya all again next week :)

My Albums 2!

Part 2: Encouraging Notes & Inspirational Cards or Bookmarks

Sample of my albums!

Inspirational postcards


Bookmarks bought from Christian bookstores

Bookmarks & notes by friends


Inspirational poems/quotes shared by a dear bro & friend


Award from my best friend & appreciation note

THE END!

My Albums!

Part 1: Stickers

Can't sleep. So I thought of putting these pics on :) These are the proves of albums I have! Both stickers & encouragement album.

Top 4 are my sticker albums.
Bottom 2 bigger albums are for encouraging notes & inspirational cards.


Stickers I bought this morning:

Precious Moments & Tweety Bird!


Disney Princess' - Kids & Grown-up - Belle, Cinderella, Jasmine, Fiona, Snow White & Ariel.


Disney Characters babies! - Mickey, Minnie, Donald, Daisy, Goofy!

Had a new album of stickers but these pictures above are sufficient enough.



My previous collection when I was a kid:

As you can see all cartoons. Used to a fan of "Sailormoon".


It'll be too many of I show you guys/gals all my stickers. So, these pictures kinda give ya all an idea on how my collections are like.

"Patience" by Take That

Just have a little patience...

I'm still hurting from a love I lost,
I'm feeling your frustration.
Any minute all the pain will stop.
Just hold me close inside your arms tonight,
don't be too hard on my emotions

Chorus:
Cause I need time.
My heart is numb, has no feeling.
So while I'm still healing,
Just try and have a little patience.

I really wanna start over again,
I know you wanna be my salvation.
The one that I can always depend.

I'll try to be strong. Believe me,
I'm trying to move on,
It's complicated but understand me.

Chorus

Yeah, have a little patience, Yeah

Bridge:
Cause these scars run so deep,
It's been hard,
But I have to believe in me.

Have a little patience,
Have a little patience...

Woah

Chorus (x2)


Special thanks to a dear friend who sent me this song :)

Chores

*Knock knock* -ARGH!!!!!- It's morning already? Sheesh! I felt as if I've just fallen asleep.

It was time to wake up and go to the MARKET! -_- Exact time? 9.15am in the morning! Thank goodness I cancelled my previous appointment. I wouldn't be able to make it. Even if I did, I wouldn't be able to pay attention to what the speaker was talking.

So, up and away, I went to the Tmn Tun Market. I got to choose a lot of different types of veggies. Mum gave instructions to pick certain veggies. She had point them out because I wouldn't know which veggie is what. So, I learnt the art of choosing veggies this morning. Mum said that it could last us about 2 weeks. Wow! That means, my mum actually goes marketing every 2 weeks. I though it was once a month or something. Oh well...

I revisited my childhood memories by buying stickers from the market. I know... I know... I gotta remind myself that I am already 20 years old! But.. who cares? I haven't shopped for stickers for like 10 years already. It's only RM 1 for 1 batch. So, I bought some! It's nice & cute!!! I would love to keep it & show my sticker books to my daughter next time. Perhaps, I can shoot some pics of it & put it on my blog later! I remembered I used to collect them and I had a good collection collection! I'm serious!

I used to love to collect stickers, stamps, bookmarks, notepads, erasers etc. Now, I collect photographs, print them, arrange & stick them into albums. I have 2 albums for encouraging notes/inspirational bookmarks + postcards too! I took out my sticker books that I've kept aside & added in the stickers I bought today! Unfortunately, some of the stickers were too big!!! Nooooo~ I have to make room for it to fit somehow... someway.

I had breakfast with my parents. I haven't had breakfast with them for months.... *that shows how often I am actually around*. It wasn't as fun as it used to be. Now, every time I am out with them, they have to bring up the issues of responsibilities, things I need to prepare when I am in Aussie... yada yada. Sheesh! Isn't there any other topic to talk about??? I hardly here anything pleasant when I am around them! It gets on my nerves many times. That is one of the reasons why I don't like spending time at home. I just feel pressured around them! >_<

Anyway, after breakfast, I came back and just dropped myself on the couch. I watched some TV, go online for a while and before I knew it, ZzzzZzzz *snooze*- got knocked out. I rested from 1pm - 4.30pm. Thanks to my bro, who woke me up when he came in and watched TV in the hall. Well, I shouldn't sleep too long anyway. Wait.. since when my bro actually watch anime? O_o pretty interesting though. I was watching TV in the evening & went online for a while until my dad asked me to go help my mum in the kitchen.

I had a dream when I took my afternoon "nap". Never thought I would dream about the person again. Wierd! Well, it was nice I guess but I know it wouldn't come to reality. Sad but true. I think I've come to accept reality already. That's why I didn't feel as disappointed as I used to. Just told myself it was a dream & moved on with my life.

Learnt a bit of cooking for dinner. I sliced the beef, marinated it and fried it. What else? Did some "Otak-otak" (Indonesian dish - fish paste), 2 ways of cooking- fried & boiled. For vegies we had some big "Tau gehS" (don't know what you call it in English/Chinese). That's about it. We do not really eat a lot as a family. My mum is a light eater, so is my dad. Think my bro would try to wipe off all the food at the end of the day.

The Christmas tree is up. Again, I wasn't involved to help to put up the tree, as always. I thought it would be good if I could be part of it this time when they put up the tree... but I was asleep. Guess, they just gotten used to doing things without me. So, they didn't even bother to wake me up.

So yeah.. that was my whole day. I gotta be around at home more often... I think I struggle to do so because of different issues. I mean, it's not bad to be at home. The place is comfortable, my parents are nice good parents, I have a bro that cares for me. Just that, sometimes I just don't feel as if I belong here. I don't feel I am needed around. They seem to need me when I am not around or have already made plans. When there is no one at home, I just bum around and waste my time. When my parents are at home, I feel pressured at times. I love having my younger bro around but it's not like we have anything in common to do.

That's why I rather spend my day out, doing something with people. At least, I get to really talk to them, relate with them, spend time with them & do things together with them... or at least with someone! I get to move around too & do something useful. I won't feel so lazy.

Yeah... but home is home. I need to start treating my family as a priority and I can't run away from responsibilities I have here. I know I'll regret it when I am older. If it's already hard now for me, it's not gonna get any easier in the future. I just have to start doing something about it or change my attitude about this.

Failed attempt

I thought tonight I can sleep much much earlier. I washed my face, brushed my teeth, way before the clock strucks 12. Then right, close to 12am, my dad called me into his room... He gave me more work to do for his 'Treasure Hunt' event. I had to help him with the power point presentation and typing in the candidates who registered for the event.

Man, I thought I might as well do it at the spot. I didn't want to push the task to the next day because I had some plans in the morning and I was afraid that I would further procrastinate the task to another day. So.. I went ahead to fix up whatever that is needed in the Excel file & PowerPoint presentation slides. It took me close to 3 hours to finish it!!! I thought I could do it within half an hour or 1 hour the max. My gosh!!! I think I took about 1 and a half to 2 hours to finish what I needed to do and thought to myself that it was done! Boy, I was wrong. There were lil minor things, here & there that I needed to fix up... Also, my dad needed to make sure that the transitions of the slides were in order and made sure the timing was perfect for it to flow with the music that would be played at the background during the event itself. I think that itself took about another hour!

Man oh man... Oh, I realized that when I am given a task like this, I like to do it quickly & rush to finish it. Not because it is very boring. Simple reason - If I can do things fast and I know I am capable of doing that, I would like to do it quickly-la. I don't like to waste time. Then again, I think because of that mentality, I always seem to rush my work through. I do check carefully-ler and made sure I did it correctly without any errors. However, I think I am a bit neurotic. It's because I am rushing and doing things so quickly, I am a bit 'kan chiong'. I tend to be very quick to do things before I am told. Like just now my dad wanted to ask me click on something, my fingers were ever ready to click on something on the page & sometimes I assume what he was gonna say. So, he had to ask me to not rush & listen to his instructions. When I really listened & try to digest the information into my mind, I had this few seconds lag for a moment. I wasn't sure whether the reason of my 'lag' was because I was tired or what.. but sometimes, I do experience it from time to time even when I am energetic.

Perhaps I was trying hard to focus.. and focusing isn't an easy task for me these days. No, I don't have "Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder" (ADHD). Well, I really hope I don't. I know I didn't have it when I was a kid. So, if I do have it now, it probably came about in my recent years. Of course when you struggle having the focus, when you try to, you have a 'lagging' period to digest the information given, into your brain. I should think it works that way.

In conclusion, I think the reason I was "lagging" because my brain was no longer really active as I was tired & I have problems focusing. Period.

Anyway, moral of the story, if I am given any task close to or past 12am, I SHOULDN'T try to attempt it at all. Just leave it aside and go to sleep! Make time the next day to do it. Unless, I desperately know that I can't leave it to the next day (eg. assignment pass up the day after) or I have no other time at all to do it. I need to learn to leave my worries to tomorrow... Learn to rest, learn to prioritize on more important things like my health & be less neurotic! SELF-CONTROL is the key!

Lizzie needs to learn to take care of herself. She seem to suck in it. Oh no!!! I need to have mercy on myself when I am Aussie as I'll living independently there. Good luck to myself. Oh well, I have about 2 months to catch up & learn, rite? :)

Thoughts on Aussie 2

Heard some bits & pieces about Adelaide.
Now I am kinda excited to go over to Aussie. Life there seem to be less complicated.
Although there is nothing much to do there, perhaps I can pursue my passions.. such as dancing & singing!! XD It'll be so exciting!

They said in Aussie, you'll be free as a bird. Well, not as hectic as M'sia, that's for sure. I'll be able to let my hair down... learn to relax. Some of my friends were so sure that I'll go wild with the freedom I have. Well, don't think I can do much there :S LOL!!! They can put their bets on it if they want! Jk jk..

Anyway, I think I am ready to let go of the things & people here. At first, I thought it would be really scary but I am more confident, when I heard my friends' stories about the people they meet there as well as the very well kept environment. They seem to doing well there. I hope it'll be easy for me to mix around & adapt too.

I guess, I will always fear the many possibilities that may happen when I am there. But I'm not even there yet, so what the heck?! I'll just leave my worries to 'tomorrow'.. or rather when I am actually there to worry about it. I am damn blur about the accommodation arrangements & all, but I think, it can be worked out-ler.

So.. I guess... I am kinda excited :) I am excited now la! *haha* It'll surely be different.. but who knows? Perhaps it'll become a place that I really wanna be in... Who knows? Maybe migrating there isn't as bad as I thought it would be as well.

I hope to spread my wings and fly to the right places. I pray that I'll be able to truly enjoy my stay there, to pursue my passions & do my best in all that I can!

Wish me the best ya! 2 more months & I'll be off...

Process of Recovery & Thoughts on Aus

Yey! I am recovering :) Still in the process of it but I do feel much better now. Thanks to the peeps who has been encouraging me via cyber-world/smses, "drink more water, sleep earlier ah, remember take your med..etc etc"

As you all know, I'll be flying off to Aussie-land to do my 3rd year really soon - in 2 mths time.
Frankly, I am quite worried. I kinda look forward to it.. just a tiny bit actually. I fear not knowing what my future would be like there. Sure I have friends who are already there & even made new friends there thru' friendster/mail. However, I still feel insecure about the whole new environment, staying on my own, new uni & peeps there.

Like I've said, I have a few friends (whether close a not) there already. I've been reading one of their blogs and it really encouraged me. He really enjoys himself there! Even another friend that came back from Aus & we chatted a bit, he told me that he LOVED the place! Now, why would I be so surprised?

"Wow!" I thought to myself. Would I be able to adapt that well when I get there? What I know for sure is, I ain't prepared for this trip. I don't know how to prepare myself because I don't really know what to expect! >_< I hope that I'm not freaking myself out while typing this.

I am & will be sad to leave my friends & family behind. I am however excited that I would be able to gain new experiences, meet new people & perhaps move on in my life there. I don't know how much I'll like that place. I don't know how much I'll hate it because it'll be so different than M'sia.

I guess all I'll know is that... God will lead me through this. He will be holding my hands as we walk through this... On the condition that, I would hold His hands & walk with Him as well.

Feeling horribly sick

*sobz*

Getting sore throat was bad enough. Getting sore throat with phlegm & when your ears is kinda involved too.. cough too ARGH!!!

I just don't feel so good.. When I woke up this evening from my "nap", my head feels horrible. Dizziness! Sore throat got worst & all connected to my nose, ears & headdd. I hope this would be over in a day!!!

Nnnoooooooooo~ Can't talk straight & I hv a feeling it got to my eyes too.. I tear when I cough. PAIN!!! Coughing is painful! Sneezing is painful too! HELPPP!!!!!

One Of My Passions

Firstly, today I had fun hanging out with me ex-CG members / PreU gang. It's pretty cool. So glad for those who came back from Aussie already!

Anyway, today in FLARE I really enjoyed myself. I get to sing!!!! I not only get to sing, I get to harmonize! XD I like. I feel that when I sing, I am able to express myself more and do it whole heartedly. Better than playing keyboard me think. I really enjoy singing.. and at times, dancing too.

I still remembered that when I was in early secondary school, one of my passion was to sing. I wanted to be like Darlene Zschech from Hillsong. LoL! I remembered very well that I wanted to be a worship leader but my voice wasn't loud enough. I used to be able to compose songs, but now I don't know whether the gift is taken away since I suppressed that gift (cuz of intimidation) or didn't practice my gift.

I'm glad that I am still able to sing. When I sing now, I try harmonize because most of the time, I can't reach the melody.. either too high or too low for my voice to reach. So, I try to use my talking voice to sing. Comes out clearer & louder. Also, I get to be creative! :) I like!

So yeah.. I'm glad because I got to sing today & was reminded of my passion for singing I had once. I wish to invest in singing skills and other skill that I have, esp my passion in music.

Aches

I sure am getting old.

I remembered just a few weeks ago, I went for morning walk in Kiara Park in TTDI, next day, my feet hurts for a day or 2.

Just yesterday (Sat morning), my feet & back hurts as a result of jumping in 'United Concert' while I praised & worship God.

That same morning, I gave tambourine lessons to dancers in my cousin's church. After 3 hours of lessons, the pain spreaded. There were a lot of jumping & turning involved. Anything to do with footwork-la. LOL!

This morning, I felt as if I can't move my whole body. My back around my shoulder area, hurts. When I was half awake, half asleep (half conscious), I felt that my legs muscle pulling a few times, as if I strained it during sleep. *OUCH* painful! Yet, I can't really wake up because I was still half asleep!!!!!

I couldn't wake up for long in the morning. No energy to move much because of the pain as well in the morning. Skipped meeting because of the pain. Didn't feel well because of it either. I ended up waking up at 10am++ den sleep back at 11am++ till 1pm++.

I was also kinda limping the whole day. It still hurts now >_<

I either need to exercise more.. or never do any heavy activities/sports anymore to avoid anymore pains like these.

I think I'll choose to exercise more!

Finally, new layout!

Yey! Finally new layout and background. Kinda like this one.
This isn't exactly what I thought of, but better than the previous boring background.
Such a turn off whenever I visit my own blog. I needed some color in my blog!
I still can't find what I wanted or something that shouts out my passion.
I wanted a graphic, a blog that kinda portrays who I am or smtng.

Anyway, thanks to the peeps who were willing to help, whether you could or couldn't at the end. Also, those who helped me find some great layouts & gave me opinions.
Thanks also to another friend who sacrificed some time to look into my blog & gave me pointers on html codes (eg. changing font color & size).
Oh... not to forget, a bro who downloaded a programme into my comp to make web-making easier!!! Though I am still blur blur on how to use the prog, it's okie.. will find ya for pointers.

You know who you are ler ;) Thanks so much for helping me make it happen!

Got Tagged

Part 1: On the Outside
Name: Elizabeth Hie
Birth Date: 12 December 1986
Current status: Single
Eye Color: Dark brownish
Hair Color: Black & Dark Brownish
Righty or Left: Righty
Zodiac Sign: Saggitarius

Part 2: On the Inside
Your Heritage: Chinese, Hakka, Cantonese, Quater blood Indonesian.
Your Fear: Rejection - Ppl close to me who shuts me away, Unknown future, Living w/o passion & purpose.
Your Weaknesses: Discipline, Self-Control (eg. eczema), Paranoia, Too Dependent on others.
Your Perfect Pizza: Pepperoni/Seafood Delight... cheese in the crust!

Part 3: Yesterday, Today & Tomorrow
Your thoughts first waking up: "What time is it now?"
Your bedtime: 3 a.m.
Your most missed memory: My childhood with family, school/uni friends rox & someone special I had in my life

Part 4: Your Pick
Pepsi or Coke: Erm.. not much difference.. Pepsi me think.
McD or Burger King: Quite jelak of McD, yet Burger King I always eat the same burger.
Single or Group Dates: Group for starters perhaps, single later. Depends...
Adidas or Nike: Nike.
Lipton Tea or Nestea: Erm, I can't remember how both looks like.
Chocolate or Vanilla: Vanilla.
Cappucino or Coffee: Cappucino. Can't drink too much of both.. can get headache & nausea.

Part 5: Do You...
Smoke: Nope. Really dislike it when ppl smoke around me. Hard to breathe & my hair will suffer the consequences too.. it smells bad.
Curse: When I am really frust, in my mind I prob did, but I try to control it. It gets harder each day.

Part 6: In the Past Month
Drank alcohol: Yes. Wine, Tequilla & Vodka.
Gone to the mall: Of Course... O-o Shopped a lot recently. Gonna shop again soon!
Been on stage: Yepz... Worship keyboardist.. Used to dance.
Eaten sushi: Oh boy! SHOGAN rox!
Dyed your hair: Not yet. Will highlight before I leave to Aus. Woohoo!

Part 7: Have You Ever?
Played a stripping game: EeewW! Don't wanna see anyone stripping *cover my eyes* & no way I'll do it.
Changed who you were to fit in: Yeah, it's called peer pressure! I'm sure many ppl did! Also, I'm sure we were looking for our identity.

Part 8: Marriage
Age you're hoping to be married: 25,26 would be ideal... 27 max.

Part 9: In A Guy/Girl
Best Eye Color: Doesn't really matter. I'll love him anyway!
Hair Color: Doesn't really matter. I'll love him anyway!
Short or Long Hair: Preferbly, short, but not too short.

Part 10: What Were You Doing?
1 minute ago: Typing this tagged thingie.
1 hour ago: Watching TV & Chattinz online.
4.5 hours ago: Just got up from bed! (12.30pm)
1 month ago: Working.
1 year ago: Studying! I miss studying & my college mates!

Part 11: Finish The Sentence
I love: Trying to.. love my God more... my family, my friends!
I feel: Really really bored...
I hate: Lust, Devil.
I hide: What I think ppl can't accept about me.. darkest secrets?
I miss: My friends!!!!
I need: God, my family & friends. A boyfriend would be nice! LOL!

Part 12: Tag 5 People
YOU....who ever is reading this
Anyone who has a blog???
Anyone who is bored and would do this for fun! LOL
Jason Teo (my lil kid big bro.. LOL!)
Dexter

Quizzes for fun!

I was reading my friends' blogs and stumbled upon a few quizzes in one of their blogs.
Interesting.. and since I was bored, I did the quizzes & did more & more.
I used to do this when I was stress or when I wanted to collect anime pics.

Well here are the quizzes I did and the answers I got.

Pieces of Me by Ashlee Simpson

"Fall, with you I fall so fast I can hardly catch my breath I hope it lasts" In 2004 you fell in love. Let's hope it lasts.

What 2004 Hit Song Are You?

Well.. hehe.. 2 years ago... Just seem so LONG ago. I just started First Year college then. Well, didn't exactly get my prince charming. LOL!

Your Personality Is

Idealist (NF) You are a passionate, caring, and unique person. You are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals. You are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily. Your heart tends to rule you. You can't make decisions without considering feelings. You seek out other empathetic people to befriend. Truth and authenticity matters in your friendships. In love, you give everything you have to relationships. You fall in love easily. At work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career. With others, you communicate well. You can spend all night talking with someone. As far as your looks go, you've likely taken the time to develop your own personal style. On weekends, you like to be with others. Charity work is also a favorite pastime of yours.

The Three Question Personality Test

How You Life Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside. You tend to avoid confrontation and stay away from sticky situations. You're open to new people and friends, which makes you a pretty popular person. You tend to dream big, but you worry that your dreams aren't attainable.

How Do You Live Your Life?

I would say I live quite a reckless & messy life. I did had big dreams.. My best bud reminded me about the dreams I used to have. Another friend pointed out that he can see that I have/had BIG DREAMS, but those dreams were buried because I was afraid and lack of self confidence perhaps. I kept telling myself I couldn't. He encouraged me to change my mindset about the dreams I had and to believe in myself.

You Should Be a Dancer

You have a unique combination of grace and athleticism.. Whether you become a salsa dancer or a ballerina, you need to get dancing!

What Sort of Artist Should You Be?

Yeah man! I love dancing. Would love to learn different kinda dances! Eg. Jazz, Contemporary, Hip Hop, Ballroom etc... Just having difficulty really expressing myself thru' dance.

Your Personality Cluster is Introverted Feeling

You are: Tolerant, flexible, and open to new ideas. A stickler for integrity and authenticity. Passionate about causes, beliefs, or politics. Likely to have many "best friends" from many walks of life

What's Your Personality Cluster?

Your Sloth Quotient: 60%

You're definitely lazier than the average person, but you're able to live a somewhat normal life. All your life needs is a little more effort and variety, and you might see that doing hard things is actually fun!

How Much Sloth Do You Have?

Just 60%??? I thought it'll be like 80%+. How disappointing? O-o

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Your Blog Should Be Blue

Your blog is a peaceful, calming force in the blogosphere. You tend to avoid conflict - you're more likely to share than rant. From your social causes to cute pet photos, your life is a (mostly) open book.

What Color Should Your Blog or Journal Be?

Guess what? Ze background I chose (if I decide to actually use it) is blue + white.

SmallVille fanatic

I can't believe I did this.. But I did it!!!

I was watching SmallVille Season 5 from 2am - 5am.
Slept and woke up at 12pm, watched again from then until 11.20pm.

5 discs, each disc has bout 3-4 episodes...

You can imagined how long and how many episodes I've actually watched in a day.

Man.. I am seriously throwing my life away if I keep doing this.
Not only that, I am spoiling my eyes.
It became a lil blurry... and I just changed my specs a month ago.

Current song - "Strong Enough"

Playing this song currently on my blog.
If you want to hear it, turn on your speakers...

Strong Enough

As I rest against this cold hard wall, will you pass me by?
Will you criticize me as I sit and cry?
I had fought so hard and thought that all my battles had been won
Only to find that the road has just began.

Chorus:
Is He not strong enough?
Is He not pure enough?
To break me, pour me, and start again
Is He not brave enough?
To take one chance of me
Please can I have one chance to start again?

Will my weakness far from now
Make me suffer for a lifetime
If I feel renewed and find forgiveness
And find strength I've never had
Will my scares forever ruin all God's plan?

Bridge:
He took my life into His hands and turn it all around
In my most desperate circumstance
It's there I finally found...

Last Chorus:
That You are strong enough
That You are pure enough
To break me, pour me out, and start again
That You are brave enough
To take one chance on me
Oh thank You for the chance to start again


by Stacie Orrico


"Lord, help me to trust You. Help me to understand that You are strong enough.. Stronger than I am... and indeed I need Your strength to live each day." -The cry of my heart, liz-

Bro Psycho Analyzed me

My bro tried to psycho analyze me.. it was pretty funny.


Bro: I know why you don't like to stay at home and always go out edi!
Me: Erm... why ah?
Bro: 'Cuz right, mum & dad always think you very useless doing housework at home. But, when you are out with your friends, they adore you.
Me: LOL!

Later he tried to explaine a lil more...
This is what he meant...

"At home, you can't help in most of the things, whereas when you are out, you tend to be able to help more. Therefore, you are needed there more. That's why you prefer be out there than at home" - or smtng like dat-

or

my interpretation...
"others have more confidence in you when you handle things and responsibilities compared to what you get at home. As a result, others seem to need you more compared to our parents or you feel as if you're needed outside more than at home"


It's kinda funny...
Anywayz, I have many reasons why I often go out and hardly stay at home.
This convo above perhaps was one of the reasons.

The Golden Facts of Life

"When someone loves us, we don't REALIZE it.
When we realize it, it's TOO LATE.
We always love the one who LEAVES us
and LEAVE the ones who LOVES us."

Taken from an SMS my bro in Christ sent to me. Miss ya, bro!


Ironic isn't it?

Working Hours Over!

Yey! Ended my contract last Tues (2days ago). WoohooO! :)
Can't believe I worked for 6 months. But it's good.. :D
Wonder whether my colleagues miss me and my "siu-bak-ness" (That's what they nicknamed me) *haha*

Hmm.. think I really need help with this web's background & design.
I tried doing it myself. Got a sample from the web and tested it on another blog. It didn't work! >_<>
HELLLPPPP~ Any web-whiz around? Please help me :)

I have been and gonna be busy though I've just started my hols.
Let me see what I have to do... Mum already gave me some chores to do at home..

1. Cooking
2. Washing my own clothes
3. Marketing - for food! (soon)
4. Admin work (for my dad's treasure hunt event)
5. Driving (dad asked me to drive him to Hartamas today)
   

This is gonna get interesting.

Oh oh... today my toilet bowl got clogged up...
So, I had my first experience of eermm pumping the stuff out of the toilet bowl.
Interesting and >_<.. nvm.
Erm... please don't try to imagine *eewww* I feel disgusted too.
Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned it. Oh well.. Lolz!

Also, it was my second time pumping petrol today!
First time was fuzzy as my friend helped me.
It has been a month or so, since I pumped too, so I can't remember!
I should have read "Pumping petrol into car for dummies" or smtng.
I was damn blur. Turn the cap to open also tak boleh.
Talking about being blur, parking meter.. when I put in the coins, I forgot that I needed to key in my car number O-o *shucks* Lord, please help me!

Now you know how princess I am. Simple things also dunno how to do. Aih!
It's okay. I'm learning and will still be learning. Gonna prepare and equipped for next year!

Power Color

Your Power Color Is Teal

At Your Highest: You feel accomplished and optimistic about the future. At Your Lowest: You feel in a slump and lack creativity. In Love: You tend to be many people's ideal partner. How You're Attractive: You make people feel confident and accepted. Your Eternal Question: "What Impression Am I Giving?"

What's Your Power Color?

This.. is amazing! Lol. Just wow... It's like reading my inner thoughts or something.

I'm amazed with the results produced. Not in a sarcastic way, i mind you.

Just that it seems pretty much true.

Left brained or right brained?

You Are 25% Left Brained, 75% Right Brained

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning. Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others. If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic. Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet. The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility. Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way. If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art. Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.

Are You Right or Left Brained?.

This I'm not too sure. What do you think???

Close call

Lizzie, you clumsy, careless gal *sigh*

I was driving out of the parking lot after putting in the tix to come out of it ze place.

Low and behold, when I came out, I almost fail to see the car coming from the upper level, at my right. Thank God for drivers which actually slow down when they come down the slopes. Who knows? Malaysian drivers are crazy, such as myself.

I wanted to hit the brakes when I saw the car coming. Unfortunately, I fail to tell which was the brakes. Therefore, I hit the accelorator instead and I hit it quite hard, thinking it was the brakes. I guess it was a result of panic and perhaps, also because I lifted my leg when I wanted to hit the brakes.. who knows, maybe also because my right shoe were loose as well *hit my head*

Imagine the shock I gave my passengers and myself. Instead of stopping, I was moving forward fast. So, I quickly let go of the accelerator. Shouted my lungs out! I gave myself a heart attack. Was soooo scared. Again, thank God the car wasn't moving too fast and could hit his brakes. It would have crashed my side >_< *lizzie oh lizzie*

I was traumatized by the incident. Man oh man... I am punishing myself by not driving for 2 weeks (or at least try not to.. unless it's really important). Thinking about the incident makes me feel all tingly and scared inside. Heart will pump a lil faster than usual. Physiological reaction, I must say.

I was thinking about it and wondered if I were to 'die' then... my friend said I couldn't have had a bad accident ler cuz the other car's speed wasn't that fast, but I was thinking, if I was sent to heaven now... How am I gonna face God??? I am not ready!!!! I know, heaven is a wonderful place and all. But, I know it's not my call yet. I somehow know that I haven't fulfilled my destiny yet and His will upon me. I don't know how to explain to God the certain things that I've done in my life, that I chose to do. Also, I haven't been really close or talk to Him lately. I was afraid to stand before Him, not knowing what to say... and it'll be too late...

This got me thinking about the life I should be living... Sometimes, we all forget about the life we ought to live. There's always this small whisper in our ears "It's ok. There's still time". What if... time is not at your side anymore. You really don't know when you'll be taken away, do you? and how long? It is a scary thought.

God could have taken me away long ago, to be united with Him, when I was an infant. I had so many health problems then till my childhood years. So many near-death experiences but I was saved so many times. Is this just luck? Are those just coincidences? I don't think so. Think there is something more to all these. There's more to my life than I can ever imagine. There's more to life itself and certain things, I am not in control.

I urge you all to think about the life you're living. Are you happy? Will you be ready when your time is up? Will you be proud of the way you lived your life? Will you regret? Will you be able to face the Almighty for all the things you have done and He will hold accountable for? Do you believe in heaven? Are you living it out for what or who you believe in?

Why not think about it now.. before you are really gone.

I exercised!!!!

Yey!!! Finally exercised after a long while!!! I feel sooo happy and satisfied. Thanks bro (Jas) for taking me to Kiara Park @ Tmn Tun to exercise... really needed that. I have been eating a lot past few days, thanks to the "Makan Ministry Team"!!! But I really enjoy myself as I eat. Love the bonding sessions, love the wonderful glorious food & desserts and love the peeps. Oh boy! :)

I can't believe we went 3 rounds!!! My first time walking so much in the park. Haze is gone, air is clear... Oxygen supplies are everywhere as we were surrounded by trees. I love the environment - the waterfall and fountains at that park, it makes the place seem so pleasant. However, the lake were brown... which is.. *eeek* >_<>

I sweated and I am proud of it!!!! Woohoo! I didn't sweat too much or too lil. It's like almost perfect! Lol! XD I think some of you who read this post must think that I am crazy. I am just sooo proud as well that I was able to wake up at 7am and walk for one hour there. I love morning walks rather than evening walks. The air seem so much fresher and when the sun isn't really up yet, you can feel the cool breeze.

I hope that in Aussie, I'll get to exercise a lot more than here as well. I trust that the environment there is so much better because they really take care of the place. Also, it is so much safer in Aussie. Here, if you exercise alone, you don't know what can happen to you. However, it is always fun, going with a friend or doing it in a group :)

Am trying to live a healthier lifestyle now. Taking lil steps towards to do so. It doesn't only help in the physically sense but also mentally and emotionally. You all should try it too! :D

There's Gotta Be More to Life

The song that I've attanched to my blog is what I am currently feeling and going through right now. It has been like that for months already... Sigh.. There certainly gotta be more than life than this... this life I am living now.

Past weeks, months has been crazy, I tell you. It all started since June? Have no idea, maybe even way before. Can't recall when all the havoc started. Then, things got worst throughout the months. Occasionally, I would feel bitter and blame others for it but at the end of the day, the only person I know that causes all these things is... Me.

Sigh... Gotta wake up, get up and move on. Need to find my purpose in life again. Need to rebuild my life again. Need to hang unto the grace that God has given to me as a gift for us. Need to search deeper within me and face the devil within. Need to be still on my own and be focused on my goals. Need to think realistically and start being responsibile of my own life.

I need to dream dreams once again. Dreams that are bigger than me. Dreams that was inspired by Him. Dreams which brings new hope, life, joy, and purpose. Dreams that would hang unto God's promises and His destiny for me.

There's gotta me more to life than what it is now...

End Year Break

I'll finally get my long break/holiday! Woohoo! It'll be from early Nov till mid Feb.
This is after I end my contract. I've been working for 6 months. Unbelievable. I am surprised myself.
Thanks to my parents who pushed me to go for the job and stick to the job till the end.
I wouldn't have persevered till today if it wasn't for them.

The job really taught me to be patient and to push myself to do things which I may not feel like doing or like to do. It can be tiring and draining. Not because I have lots of work to do, but because I don't have much that I can really do there. I was sooo soo happy that they gave me the green light to end it off by early Nov. They wanted me to stay on till end of Nov. I'll go bonkers if I stayed that long. Not that the place is really awful or terrible. People there are nice & friendly, environment is really relaxing, the pay is good... but I really needed a break.

I really can't wait for my break to start. I do have a list of things I want to do. However, Nov would be like my 'hibernation" month. Dec and Jan would be 2 crazy, exciting months for me. I'm gonna enjoy myself before I leave to Aussie.

I was thinking about my life past few days... and how it has been. I really feel like seperating myself from the world and take the time to just reflect and perhaps figure things out. There's so many things going on in my mind, yet I don't have the time to actually think much about it. Perhaps I'm afraid. One thing about me is that, I can hardly survive without having any activities in my life or having people around me. I can hardly sit still during sermons or sitting in for any long talks now. I'll fidget... my concentration will decrease... I have problem trying to remember what was is my mind before that... etc.

Also, I realized I've been soo depedent on people, that I'm really afraid that I can't survive in Aus. I'll always need someone's company or seek someoen to talk to every day. Soon I realized that my friendship with them changes over time as well. To something good? Don't think so. I feel far away from many that was once close to me. Perhaps, when I begin to know a person, I start opening up my life and sharing my life stories. After that, I'll be left empty... and I don't know what else to share already. Too open to people perhaps? Sometimes, I even create unnecessary trouble for myself >_<

These questions ponders within me so often. Too many questions at times..
"What am I really living for? What is my passion? Am I really significant at all here? What am I suppose to do here???!! What's the point of living when there is no joy of living life? Who am I living for? Am I really living for the One who I am supposed to be living for?"

So frustrating at times >_< Nevermind, I'll keep finding the answers anyway and pray that I will not give up.

Clueless

So many things have happened since I’ve updated the last post. My office line is down, so it’s like really quiet here and because of that, many people won’t see me online as often as I used to as well. Hehe I guess it’s a really good thing because I get to control my ‘net’ addiction. I’ve been in and out of home, so usually I’ll come online really late at night and just for a while, or I’ll stone for the whole day in office (which is not good-la). Also, feeling unwell for the past few nights (I say nights because I got better in the morning and afternoon, miraculously) helped me distant myself from going online for too long during the nights.

Things seem so complicating when you keep thinking about it, though it only has a simple reason. The only time it becomes extremely complicating is when you keep dwelling and have that thought lingering around as we so often try so hard to reason it out ourselves in our minds, even when some has it’s reasons stated or obviously shown already.

I was feeling ‘kinda’ confused the past few days… ok, maybe months-la. Things happened and I didn’t really understand why. Or perhaps, vice versa, things didn’t happen when I thought it was suppose to take place. There was not much explanation on how or why it happened. Perhaps, I’ve already had those simple reasons but it wasn’t enough to give me peace and not enough for me to understand the fuller picture.

Now, I have 2 things off my burdened back. I am thankful. I wonder why it took so long for me to let go. I guess I just needed an honest answer and explanation that I could really register into my mind (simple enough for me to understand, without all the fancy words) and move on with life. LOL.

Those few months, I regretted so many things that had happened before. Yes, tainted past, the hurts… but now as I think back, it ain’t that bad. I really learnt a lot of things about myself. It made me reflect a lot more, made me think a lot more about my own actions and consequences. Some painful memories but, I guess, something good can come out from it, if we are willing to open our eyes and heart to learn from those experience.

I hope to be more confident now as a person; the way I live my life and the way I carry myself out. My friend asked me how am I and I honestly told him that it has been tough and I have personal struggles to face, but I didn’t tell him in detailed what was it. He didn’t press on to get out more information from me, but he said this “I think you’re going to have a breakthrough soon”. I replied, “I think so too”. I really hope so… and I should be putting my trust in God for that. I really need one in my life.

In the midst of confusion and doubts, I won’t say that my relationship with God is ‘perfecto’. I’ve strayed and am trying to draw near to Him again. His words doesn’t speak much to me as much as it used to… but I don’t want to give up because I know there’s something more to life than what it is now. I don’t want to give up because I know there is something more out there than just ‘me’ here. I don’t want to give up because I know everything is not going to be worth it but one thing is because it’s lasting. Because of that reason, everything will be worth it, not just for me but someone beyond my comprehension, beyond my understanding.

Often in this crazy world, we forget who is in control. I admire my friends whom I can see, still pressing on and continually holding on to the faith and His word, His integrity, His purpose… still sane from all the things that happened. I love to hear from them, as they share their experiences and how when things gets tough, they hold unto God even tighter and praise God for strength, perseverance and what they have learnt through all the crappiness they may have been through. Perhaps just 10 or even 5 minutes, spending time, just hearing from them or one person even, gives me hope again. I see glimpse hope every time I hear all these testimonies and the simplest things that He did in their lives and how they’ve hanged on, in their faith in Him. A reminder that God is still there… through it all.