Reunions

Blessed Chinese New Year, everyone!

It's the time of the year again... Family reuniouns, a lot of munching on delicious food, playing games with cousins & all that.

You see, though my relatives are considered nearby (we all live in PJ), if I am not mistaken, we only see each other during 3 occasions. Chinese New Year, Full Moon & one of the Chinese festivals (not too sure what is it called.. something like New Year as well.. i think..oh well).

Most of my relatives aren't Christian & ya know, church always reminds us to take the oppurtunity to share the good news to them. It is pretty hard for me. I invited my cousins (the same age ones) before to some Christian concerts, they've never been able to join in. The others are much older than me. Some married! One of my cousins (christian) married a pastor and they had kids!! *sooo cuteeee!*

Anyway, I have been thinking.. I haven't really done much or prayed much for my relatives salvation. Although, I am not close to them, I should at least pray for them, right? I don't want to imagine the consequences they have to face or I have to face for not doing anything at all.. and just standing... watching... it's not even waiting for something to happen yet. If I pray and wait... den it ain't that bad.. but if I didn't do anything at all, what am I waiting for?

One thing really good is that, because they know that I stopped gambling, they too respected my bro & I, and we do still play card games like "cho tai ti" without gambling. It's really cool! I get to play and not gamble! Woohooo! Also, it's fun that everyone gets to play and still be happy playing together without the need of gambling. Don't ya think so?

I guess, the thing about gambling is... if you do it for fun & in small amounts, I guess it's still kinda ok. The thing scary about gambling is that greed can overpower a person & we base on luck to wanna win more & more for ourselves... If small amounts, can even spark that greed in ya, why start it anyway? Get it? But if you feel it doesn't matter if u win or lose, just a game & a time of 'fellowship' then it's okay. Anyway, if you wanna have some fun, why do we need money to add in the fun? The competition?

Well, gotta log off now. Lunch at cousin's place. So, I guess, what I learnt is that... I neeeddd to pray for my relatives. I still care for them and love them though I am not close to them. Somehow, someway, may God open up their hearts to His message & may it be relevant in their lives.

Blur Queen

I was sooooo sure that my class was at 12p.m.
The info has locked in my mind... 12pm, 12pm, 12pm on Thurs
Waiting for 11.30am's transport to come & pick me up.
But I thought to myself...isn't it an hour & a half class today?
So it ends at 1.30pm? Hmmm.. strange timing.
So, I opened my file...
Thought it was better to check my scheduele again...
Whether it was a 2 hour class or just and hour and a half
*CRAP*

My class is actually from 10am to 11.30am!
*MY GOSH!!!!!*
My class has already started!
Guess what time I checked the schedule?
10.45a.m.

As my friend said, I am the champion of all blurness.

How to live your life 101??!!!

I feel as if people are telling me on how to live my life...
They are like giving me a course of it...
"How to live your life 101"
Argh!!! It's so frustrating at times!

Okay.. I don't blame them.. I know that I can be a wreck!
*ok maybe I am overexaggerating*
I know that I am not organized, irresponsible, independent & all sort.
Even good qualities like.. nice-ness, sweetness & friendliness can be a problem to some extend.
Well, too much of those can 'cause others to be sick. Maybe it's a good thing.. hmmm...

Please forgive me.. but I am just feeling quite sucky at the moment.
So, just give me space & allow me to express myself outwardly...
I am only human!!! I have my own weakness!!! Helloooooo!!! I'm not perfect you know!!!
*phew* okie.. that feels slightly better.

I am wondering.. is it that ppl try to "perfect-ized" (*is there even such a word?*) me
Or am i trying too hard to be perfect?
Perhaps I am trying too hard.

I don't blame others who want to correct me & teach me.
I do wanna be a better person.
What I hate most is those who think that I'll can never change.. and be from what I am. Obviously, it takes time & lotsa patients because I won't be able to correct all at once!
And its a life process you know! it's never instant!
It takes years to mould someone esp from their old habit.
You want instant too bad for ya! well, too bad for me too! >_<

I know.. they are doing it for my best & want me to be a better person.
I am still so far on being the standard of what God would have want us to live...
I thank God for His grace and mercy upon me anyway
Also, His willingless to accept me... even this way.

I guess I just need some time out.
I get so uptight easily and stressed out, frustrated perhaps because...
my body is tired, I don't have much rest
*at times, I don't want to, i don't know whats wrong with me*
I don't seem to have the time to think & reflect.
*even of I do, I'm the kind of person who don't like to think so much.. cuz it can cause me to dwell in my past, guilts & shames *yada yada*

Sometimes, I just wanna stop being a better person because it's just not good enough...
and being a goody person at times even get critisized and shot down.
*sigh*

Even as I feel all this... I do know that many times, I am in the wrong position.
I recognize that pretty well..
However, I wanna push my responsibility of my actions, it'll still come back to me..
So... I guess at the end of the day... why not, just persevere through all this...
Though it's stuff that I don't wanna hear.. and things that is not so pleasing to the ear.
Why not, still be a better person, though it's tough to struggle through?
'cuz at the end of the day... i guess, it'll be all worth it..
because we will be moulded to what He wants us to be.

Even if others are not proud of me..
Even if ppl don't know that I am trying... because it doesn't seem too be so...
I know that at least, He sees my heart... He knows how I feel & my every weakness...
and... perhaps.. I know that He can one day be proud of me.. for trying my best & struggling it through with perseverance...
Because I've done my best to live...

Just tired....

Physically weak
Mentally tired
Emotionally down & unstable
Self esteem kinda severed
Spiritually searching...

What to expect?

Still feeling the dizziness from the plane & rides in Aus, but it's okay.
My body feels really tired... Wish I would a few more days of hols to rest.
Wonder what I did during the hols...
I know that I have been in & out the house so often,
and lack of rest I've recieved.

Semester has already started. I've missed out a week of it...
Am afraid that I'll be really blur in the class (esp the ones which none of my friends are in it).
No books and nothing to prepare myself with
Except a few pieces of paper I can bring & my pencil box.
It's feels kinda wierd to be back again... was kinda excited a few weeks ago.
Now, it seems that all my excitement for many things have all gone.

Wonder what can I expect from my classes this sem.
I still remember the 'Heartcore' camp message.
To start making a different by praying for our classes, lecturers, college & uni.
That's how we start it off, a prayer such as this,
To spark hope and concern as well as a caring heart towards our study place.

My aim for this year,
Is to do my best in all the things I do.
In my studies, I shall excel,
In my CG, I shall guide His people,
In my dance, I shall express my all,
In playing the notes on my keyboard, I shall practice & learn,
And put my fullest potential in all of them.

Just wanna breakaway...

I wanna feel the wind as it genty touches my face,
And blow my tears away,
An assurance that everything will be alright,
And the warmth of being loved for who I am.

Wanna hide in the arms of an angel,
And away from everything else in the world,
Away from the noises and the harsh whispers in my ears,
Yet seeking in silence for just one that could hear my cries.

Waiting for a sign each day,
Wondering whether it'll ever come,
Hoping that it'll be worth while,
Keeping awake so that I won't miss it out.

Why Oh why, I wonder to myself,
Do I have to feel this way?
Why does it have to hurt so much?
Having so many things still unexplained.

I wish upon a starry nite,
and pray that I will be able to hear those words...

"You may not see me but I'm still here",
"You may not hear me but I'll still speak to you",
"You may not feel me but I'll still touch you",
"You may not love me but I'll still love you".

A love so true, no one could comprehend it.
A love so pure, no one could explain it.

"I hear your cries, I hear your pains",
"I see your weaknesses, I see your shames",
"I know your wants and your every need",
"Know that I'm here & always will be"

Stars above... though they're not shining,
They are always there though they look like hiding,
You certainly can't touch them for they're high above,
But they are still there... unseen by us.

Not a traveller!

Hiya peeps, I am blogging from Sydney. For those who don't know, I am here for a family trip, for about a week ^_^

Just wanted to post something short.... so, don't worry. Just sit back & relax.

What I like about travelling:
1) Get to see new places, explore places

2) Get to see all kinds of soveniers & buy them

3) All de scenic places are really beautiful *especially the sea 'n beach here... so clean & clear!*

4) we can take lotsa travelling pics ^^

5) Experience different season
*like in Aussie, you won't sweat even when it's summer! but u'll get sunburn* I need a tan anyway* =P It's windy here too*


What I dislike about travelling:
1) Travel sickness: car, on air, on water
*bumpy roads, winding roads.... arghhhh!!!*

2) You can hardly find any place to eat out here!!! I'm not even asking for mamak! During day time it's hard to find for a place to eat! *seriously!!!*

3) Jet Lag: It's way early to go to sleep, way early to get up to travel around!
*3 hours ahead of M'sia*

4) The scenic places look all the same.. just from different angles perhaps
*can get pretty boring*

5) Different temperature... unstable..
*It can be really sunny, then it the sun light goes dim for a few secs.. den comes back scorching hot again.... *wahliao!* and it can be pretty windy during the summer*


That's all i can think of blogging now. it's already almost 12am here. Take care, peeps! Laterz!


Signing off from Sydney, Australia.

This year... 3 words...

Apart from loving ;)

Focus, Responsibility & Purity

Loving You

Blessed New Year to all!
I guess as every year, many others & I myself would like to accomplish somethings before the year ends...

My worship leader asked us, what is our New Year resolution... I wasn't sure what to answer at first because I always break or fail to accomplish my NY's resolutions (esp doing it consistently). My even friend put this up in his MSN, "This year I resolve to never make any new year's resolutions again". But I learn something important from the daily devotion I started reading 2 week ago.

We always make NY's resolution, we keep recommitting ourselves & make promises that we'll try do better and harder this year. Nuthin wrong with that. Seriously. If we can, it'll be good and we all need direction in life.. We need a vision. Without it, we would be running aimlessly in our lives. But in the book, the author also stated something that captured my attention. "If your resolve to obey God last year did not help you to be faithful, it will not make you sucessful this year", cited by Henry T. Blackaby & ricahrd Blackaby. I wouldn't take that word as an absolute but in some measure, it does make sense. That doesn't mean that we should totally give up on trying to obey Him and all. Perhaps, there is something else that God wants us to focus on...

Jesus, asked Peter for love. "Do you love me?" I guess it makes it easier for everything to fall into place if we truly love him- obedience (Jn 14:15), service, commitment, faithfulness will all come together.

But how do we love this God that we can't see? How do we reach out to this invisible God? Of course, it wouldn't be easy as it is. We may fumble & doubt at times. It's part of growing in this relationship with our Father. I mean, in a dating relationship for instance, wouldn't you have some sort of problems along the way? From time to time, wouldn't there be a sense of doubt in the person especially when you 2 have fought? It is indeed, very hard to cultivate a relationship with this God, unless you truly believe that He exist by faith & also understand why you believe so.

There would be questions unanswered about God, faith & the things that He has made. So many things we can't truly weigh whether it's right or the wrong or what should we do in certain situations. Our understanding is so little compared to God. We can't comprehend the answers to all the questions, what He has planned for all of us, why He do the things He does... You know what? Get used to the questions in your head. At times, there is just no ONE answer that you can depend on but many possibilities to the answer. If we know all the answers to the questions, God wouldn't be God... We could be gods instead...

"Loving You, O God.. can be the hardest thing to do. But I pray that somehow, someway, You reaffirm us of Your love and help us to learn to love you more and may all the rest- obedience, faithfulness, service & may everything else fall into place. Because if my focus is in You, I know that You would slowly guide me to places I never would expect, and also I am able to accomplish what You want in my life... Your will, instead of mine. I know that sometimes you have to break us, to turn to you, listen to what You have to say & be clear on what You want us to do & do be. Through brokenness, we are able to see healing on the way. We are able to see many great things, if we humble ourselves down to You & see it all in Your eyes instead of ours. I pray that You would help me & others who face the same problem of truly putting the fullest faith in You or have the difficulty or reaching & loving You... to make this relationship really work & sustain it. I pray that You would keep us in touch with You, though it is our choice to do so, Lord, I pray that You would not lose touch with us. Help me... to love You more & more... Jesus Name, Amen."

Reminder...

"Love of God surpasses all human's love"