Letting go of the underlying causes

Ever watched closely your own actions & wondered why do you do the things you do? Or whether you've done it rightly or whether the motive of doing things is right? I seem to be more aware of my own conduct now as I reflect each day... whether what I'm doing is alright or not & why so? Even when I do think I have a problem or bad habit, I will try to look for the underlying reason to it. This applies even to my own habit of sleeping late... and yes, even that, I've found the reason to it...

Now, what do you do with these reflections? Sometimes you'd discover your underlying source but not so willing to let it go yet. I mean, why would people want to hang unto something that isn't good, unless they have learned to adapt to it, they are just so used to it that it's part of their life already or they are afraid of missing something "good" from it.. or maybe the "good" is just a 'feel good' factor... hhmm does that make sense?

This conversation captured my attention. Perhaps, it explains better to what I mentioned just now.. This is what Dr Wilson said to House (House, Season 2, epi 11), "You don't like yourself, but you do admire yourself. It's all you've got, so, you cling to it. You're so afraid that if you change, you'll lose what makes you special. Being miserable doesn't make you better than anyone else. It just makes you miserable!"

Wow! That was like a 'bullseye' on all sides of the egos deep down an individual.. I somehow can relate to what Dr Wilson said. If not, why would it hit me on own face as well, when I was watching it, rite?

I'm happy & blessed because...

1. I've finished the biggest assignment of the semester.
2. 2 of my other assignments got extended.
3. I'm recovering from my sickness.
4. The presentation for Ps Matt went well.
5. Friendships that previously gone bad has been made right.
6. I am free from an unforgiving spirit.
7. My heart is slowly opening up to Him again.
8. My burdens has been lifted, one by one each day.
9. My mum's minor operation on her hand went well.
10. Able to talk to my mum on the phone.
11. Friends visited & brought food for me when I was unwell.
12. Friends pray for me continuously for my wellbeing + my spiritual needs.
13. Big HUGS from friends, telling me they really do care for me.
14. I am reminded each day that God loves me (whether thru songs, friends, devotions or whisper in my head).
15. I am not afraid of going back home to M'sia. I am excited! :)
16. I am not afraid of missing my friends + peeps from back home anymore!
17. I am able to talk to Him more... and rely on His strength.
18. In the midst of all the craziness in life, I know that He is still there.
19. I slept early!!! and got enough rest after a long long time!
20. I surrendered my lifestyle to Him.

At the moment...

... I feel like crying whenever I think about my workload of assignments.

I've been on this assignment for days and it never seems to end...
Plus, I've got more coming up. I just want to get it done and over with...

Few things in my list that I have to do:

1. Finish up my Forensic Pysc proposal paper by tonight: Only 1.5K words left. I can do it!
2. Tomorrow, de-stress in church & CG, and dance my heart out with my partner to the song, "Isn't he lovely?" for Ps Nick as it is his birthday present from us. (Pray that I won't stumble and fall. Not easy to learn new kind of dance - a type of Swing dance)
   
3. Finish up Community Wellness paper by tomorrow night: Only bout 400 words, it's ok. Persevere!!!
4. Get up early, make an appointment at a clinic nearby. Make sure I go & see doc this time & get a med cert.
   
5. Attach med cert with assignment extension letter for the next assignment, Health Psyc paper (God, pls help me on this!)
6. Mon itself, seeing doc, after passing doc to the Psych office for extension, start researching on Health Psyc practical paper, do as much as I can in the Methods section... so that I won't kill myself for the next few days, in case I don't get the extension for some reason.
   

Ok.. I should cont with my work now..

Better, breaks + add-ons

Remember last Wed I mentioned that I'm sick?

Well, the day after the post, I felt a whole lot better!!! Amen!!! Woohooo!!!
My nose still gets congested though XS

I think when I get stressed up with assignment I tend to distract myself more.. For example, I noticed I've done all my chores for the week (even did most of the dishes cleaning, than I usually do), I tweaked my blog and put add-ons in it, I've been reading friend's blog more regularly than I usually do... things like that!

I think it is a way for me to release stress and not stress so much. I realize I need to take short breaks after a paragraph of writing (like rewarding myself). Now I am slowly successfully offing my MSN & googletalk when I do my assignments. Which has been quite good so far. I give myself breaks, and allow myself to chat from time to time. Sometimes, I do go overtime, but I try to control.

So far, these kinda progression is good for disciplining myself :) Slowly, I'll change to be more discipline ya! I also am thankful for friends who check on me to see whether I'm alright in my assignments and my wellbeing... also, to check my progress on my work. I do feel guilty when my friend suddenly calls and I'm doing something else.. or I've taken too long a break.

Ok.. break time over.

Before that.. check out a few features/add-ons in my blog...

1. New songs I've loaded on my blog... meaningful songs.. but if it's too distracting for some, I'll off the autoplay.
2. Hilarious Christian Comic Strip update weekly & Bible Verse for the day, both @ the left sidebar under Christian links.
3. Digital time : Malaysia & Adelaide. I'm looking for a nice countdown calender.

Yep.. so that's it! Maybe you'll find more stuff soon... 'cuz I know i'll be super stress next week.

Not the best time of my life..

Sick - horrible flu, soar throat & phlegm.

Currently eating - Plain porridge (made by me!) with pepper & soya sauce.

Currently busy with... - 2 huge report assignments (1 pass up by this Fri, another by Fri week after that), 1 tutes informal presentation (next Thurs), 1 short essay (on the coming Mon), an essay on topic presented (the Thurs week after the presentation) and last short essay the beginning of June... then exams...

The international students in my course has expressed how meaningless life has been, as we work on assignments after assignments, week in week out. We are so frustrated and some even express their wish to just dieeee. We are the "PROCASTINATORS".

I felt really really discouraged, stressed out and worried about all these. I wanted so much to give up when I started on my first assignments this sem. As my mind were filled with lots of negative thoughts, I told myself I really couldn't handle all these assignments.. I really can't do it.. I even had thoughts at the back of my mind on how to escape from all these stress & fear of failing. It wasn't a very good thought at all. I began to think... if I failed, what is the worst that could happen? I don't think that was suppose to motivate me to just do whatever I can with my assignments. Another that popped by just recently was the thought of I'd rather do harm to myself than to fail. Hello! By doing harm to yourself, it won't help you finish assignments. Maybe they can extend for you (and think that you're a psycho), but it won't bring all those responsibilities and tasks away! >_< I'll have to redo the course or go into psychiatric rehab instead and say bye to my future... I might as well just fail, and get the opportunity to redo my assignment!

WAHHH!! Cannot 'tahan' having these kinda stupid thoughts. However, I really thank God for a great support group here. I have people here that supported me so so much... more than I thought should receive. They believed I can do it.. though I felt I didn't deserve that because it is the result of my consequences for last-minuteness & not focusing in my course. My priority was running around... But they still continued to pray for me, to support me through and help me, even when they are busy. I really thank God for them.. I really thank God for being so faithful himself and believing in me, even when I couldn't quite believe in myself.

God has put so many people in my life to assure His love for me... to remind me that I am not walking alone... to realize that He is still in control.. not me, but Him. He has shown me His love through the testimony of others and how they have portrayed His love for me. I am so so so blessed..

I just pray that it is not too late for me to give my best shot and do my best for Him in my studies.

"Lord, I just surrender these papers/courses/semester to You... I surrender and yet help me to put in the best effort on it all not by my own strength but with your stength, your thoughts.. though it's super last minute and I may not even understand fully what I'm doing. I surrender and trust that whatever results I may have, You have a plan for me.. whether to teach me, or be grateful or to be responsible for my own actions/consequences... I pray that I never stop praising Your Name, whether I fail, do badly, pass or did well in it... If I could get through this and not fail, I pray that You will remind me of the lessons you've taught me over the years and pls HELP ME CHANGE!!! If I can't even take care of this area in my life, how am I gonna grow in other areas. Help me to want to change and challenge myself to change, so that I can be the best that You want me to be & the best that You have made me to be.. for I know that I have so much more potential than what I portray now... Let not anything hinder me from learning to be the best for You.. and to have that kind of spirit of excellence when I serve You everyday of my life in all areas. Help me know it is not too late for a change.. and You are going through all these (even when I think it's crap to go through all that.. but I'm sure You'll think it's necessary for me) with me.. Thank You, Lord. In Your mighty Name, Amen"

2 Food for thoughts

I'm so encouraged to see or hear how much my members from back home grow. I can see what God has done in their lives, the people He has brought to support and encourage them in His Name, the desire to really seek Him and follow His ways & the way some of them hold strongly to their faith. Thank You, God!!! :) I ought to learn from them.. I know that I definitely did learn so much, when God put me to be with them and guide them.

I got this quote from George's blog, which I found really interesting & true:

"The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift"

- Albert Einstein

Another one from Daily Wisdom:

"The question is not whether a doctrine is beautiful but whether it is true. When we wish to go to a place, we do not ask whether the road leads through a pretty country, but whether it is the right road"

- Augustus William and Julius Charles Hare

"This is the real me" by Jaci Valesquez

Currently playing in my blog...


People think I've got it all together
With the show and my sweet, sweet smile
But do they know if I've been happy ever
Pull up a chair 'cause this may take a while
O.K. so here's the thing

I've got my bad days, and some are even worse
I can be a blessing and you know, I can be a curse
I tremble at rejection, I'm scared to be alone
Sometimes I may be selfish, but I always make it home

This is the real me
Am I the girl that you want me to be
This is the real me
With flaws and fears of intimacy
This is the real me
Can you face it
Can you feel it
Can you take it
Can you deal with
The real me

So now you see that I am far from perfect
I will fall and I will make mistakes (oh, no)
But I am here and this has taken courage
Will you abandon me or will you stay
(Please stay with me)

I know that I'm demanding and sometimes insecure
I think I've got the answers, but then I'm not so sure
I sometimes need attention a little more than I should
But there is a part of me that would give the whole world if I could

-C-

Now I've gone and let you in
And I no longer will pretend
Will you please still be my friend
Will you please still be my friend
Do you see me now

This is the real me
Am I the girl that you want me to be
This is the real me
Real me

-C-

This is the real me
Oh, here I am now
This is the real me
With all my flaws and fears
This is the real me
Can you face it
Can you feel it
Can you take it
Can you deal with
The real me

OCF Easter Camp [Theme: BEYOND~]

Nature: Sunrise & Sunset







Food: Healthiest and yummiest food I've ever eatan in camps!



Devotions, Bible study, Games & Drama Team: Elizabeth-ians & Lydia-ians! We ROCK!!!


OCF Easter Camp Group Pic!

Someone is too short!! XD Needed to be carried up! Sam oh Sam :P

OCFs in the whole of South Australia

Adelaide OCF Committee 2007

Adelaide OCF Group
Adelaide OCF Gals - being BIMBO!

Uni South Aus (UniSA) OCF Group

Magill Campus / East Side Cell under UniSA OCF

Other Groups

Psychology Students from UniSA acting Psycho


Adelaide Gals

Exciteddd!!! 3 gals + 1 random guy (Jerry)!
Trying to walk with style

Kena Sabor

Individuals & Small Groups

Shelley + Liz

Jerry + Liz

Li Chang + Liz (with Sunset background)

Fiona + Liz

Hilda + Cheryl

Angel (Dennis!) + Mortal wif prezzie

Mel, Sam + Cheryl (my fav peeps)

Sunrise gang! Also, the siao team that didn't sleep the whole nite! Who are they?

"Ta daahh": Clement, Liz + Hubert

In "Relationship" workshop - Acting Scenario - "What would you do if someone you do not have interest in comes up to you to confess his interest to be in relationship?" Main stars: Amos (actor) + Liz (actress)

My thoughts:
This camp would be a part of my memory which I wouldn't want to forget :)
Although I didn't get to meet lots of new people, the ones I knew became close to my heart & I know that I am not walking alone.
The ones that have been there, have always been there.
Looking forward to bless others as I've been blessed so much here!

God thank You for Your peace.. it was beyond what I thought I needed...
God thank You for the gals You've sent to me... it was beyond who I've expected...
God thank You for Your love for me... it's beyond comprehension.. but yet I need to truly understand & capture your grace + love for me once again

"God, continue to work in my heart & speak into my heart... as I learn more and more about You and Your character, who You are & who I should be for You"

"When you feel spiritual low, doesn't mean that you're going into depression. You're just going into the depth of it..." - Aunt Marillyn -

"Love Them Like Jesus" by Casting Crowns

The love of her life is drifting away
They're losing the fight for another day
The life that she's known is falling apart
A fatherless home, a child's broken heart

You're holding her hand, you're straining for words
You trying to make - sense of it all
She's desperate for hope, darkness clouding her view
She's looking to you

Just love her like Jesus, carry her to Him
His yoke is easy, His burden is light
You don't need the answers to all of life's questions
Just know that He loves her and stay by her side
Love her like Jesus
Love her like Jesus

The gifts lie in wait, in a room painted blue
Little blessing from Heaven would be there soon
Hope fades in the night, blue skies turn to gray
As the little one slips away

You're holding her hand, you're straining for words
You're trying to make sense of it all
They're desperate for hope, darkness clouding their view
They're looking to you

Just love them like Jesus, carry them to Him
His yoke is easy, His burden is light
You don't need the answers to all of life's questions
Just know that He loves them and stay by their side
Love them like Jesus

Lord of all creation holds our lives in His hands
The God of all the nations holds our lives in His hands
The Rock of our salvation holds our lives in His hands
He cares for them just as He cares for you

So love them like Jesus, love them like Jesus
You don't need the answers to all of life's questions
Just know that He loves them and stay by their side
Love them like Jesus
Love them like Jesus

Victor Harbour in Adelaide

Breathtaking Evening Views

Penguin Tour Holding a sample of dead penguin skin in my hands... why oh why?! *sobz*

Crazy Times@the Hotel

Next Morning @ the Island

The singles

The couples

Lunch at Subway

Bye Victor Harbour! I had heaps of fun!