Close call

Lizzie, you clumsy, careless gal *sigh*

I was driving out of the parking lot after putting in the tix to come out of it ze place.

Low and behold, when I came out, I almost fail to see the car coming from the upper level, at my right. Thank God for drivers which actually slow down when they come down the slopes. Who knows? Malaysian drivers are crazy, such as myself.

I wanted to hit the brakes when I saw the car coming. Unfortunately, I fail to tell which was the brakes. Therefore, I hit the accelorator instead and I hit it quite hard, thinking it was the brakes. I guess it was a result of panic and perhaps, also because I lifted my leg when I wanted to hit the brakes.. who knows, maybe also because my right shoe were loose as well *hit my head*

Imagine the shock I gave my passengers and myself. Instead of stopping, I was moving forward fast. So, I quickly let go of the accelerator. Shouted my lungs out! I gave myself a heart attack. Was soooo scared. Again, thank God the car wasn't moving too fast and could hit his brakes. It would have crashed my side >_< *lizzie oh lizzie*

I was traumatized by the incident. Man oh man... I am punishing myself by not driving for 2 weeks (or at least try not to.. unless it's really important). Thinking about the incident makes me feel all tingly and scared inside. Heart will pump a lil faster than usual. Physiological reaction, I must say.

I was thinking about it and wondered if I were to 'die' then... my friend said I couldn't have had a bad accident ler cuz the other car's speed wasn't that fast, but I was thinking, if I was sent to heaven now... How am I gonna face God??? I am not ready!!!! I know, heaven is a wonderful place and all. But, I know it's not my call yet. I somehow know that I haven't fulfilled my destiny yet and His will upon me. I don't know how to explain to God the certain things that I've done in my life, that I chose to do. Also, I haven't been really close or talk to Him lately. I was afraid to stand before Him, not knowing what to say... and it'll be too late...

This got me thinking about the life I should be living... Sometimes, we all forget about the life we ought to live. There's always this small whisper in our ears "It's ok. There's still time". What if... time is not at your side anymore. You really don't know when you'll be taken away, do you? and how long? It is a scary thought.

God could have taken me away long ago, to be united with Him, when I was an infant. I had so many health problems then till my childhood years. So many near-death experiences but I was saved so many times. Is this just luck? Are those just coincidences? I don't think so. Think there is something more to all these. There's more to my life than I can ever imagine. There's more to life itself and certain things, I am not in control.

I urge you all to think about the life you're living. Are you happy? Will you be ready when your time is up? Will you be proud of the way you lived your life? Will you regret? Will you be able to face the Almighty for all the things you have done and He will hold accountable for? Do you believe in heaven? Are you living it out for what or who you believe in?

Why not think about it now.. before you are really gone.

I exercised!!!!

Yey!!! Finally exercised after a long while!!! I feel sooo happy and satisfied. Thanks bro (Jas) for taking me to Kiara Park @ Tmn Tun to exercise... really needed that. I have been eating a lot past few days, thanks to the "Makan Ministry Team"!!! But I really enjoy myself as I eat. Love the bonding sessions, love the wonderful glorious food & desserts and love the peeps. Oh boy! :)

I can't believe we went 3 rounds!!! My first time walking so much in the park. Haze is gone, air is clear... Oxygen supplies are everywhere as we were surrounded by trees. I love the environment - the waterfall and fountains at that park, it makes the place seem so pleasant. However, the lake were brown... which is.. *eeek* >_<>

I sweated and I am proud of it!!!! Woohoo! I didn't sweat too much or too lil. It's like almost perfect! Lol! XD I think some of you who read this post must think that I am crazy. I am just sooo proud as well that I was able to wake up at 7am and walk for one hour there. I love morning walks rather than evening walks. The air seem so much fresher and when the sun isn't really up yet, you can feel the cool breeze.

I hope that in Aussie, I'll get to exercise a lot more than here as well. I trust that the environment there is so much better because they really take care of the place. Also, it is so much safer in Aussie. Here, if you exercise alone, you don't know what can happen to you. However, it is always fun, going with a friend or doing it in a group :)

Am trying to live a healthier lifestyle now. Taking lil steps towards to do so. It doesn't only help in the physically sense but also mentally and emotionally. You all should try it too! :D

There's Gotta Be More to Life

The song that I've attanched to my blog is what I am currently feeling and going through right now. It has been like that for months already... Sigh.. There certainly gotta be more than life than this... this life I am living now.

Past weeks, months has been crazy, I tell you. It all started since June? Have no idea, maybe even way before. Can't recall when all the havoc started. Then, things got worst throughout the months. Occasionally, I would feel bitter and blame others for it but at the end of the day, the only person I know that causes all these things is... Me.

Sigh... Gotta wake up, get up and move on. Need to find my purpose in life again. Need to rebuild my life again. Need to hang unto the grace that God has given to me as a gift for us. Need to search deeper within me and face the devil within. Need to be still on my own and be focused on my goals. Need to think realistically and start being responsibile of my own life.

I need to dream dreams once again. Dreams that are bigger than me. Dreams that was inspired by Him. Dreams which brings new hope, life, joy, and purpose. Dreams that would hang unto God's promises and His destiny for me.

There's gotta me more to life than what it is now...

End Year Break

I'll finally get my long break/holiday! Woohoo! It'll be from early Nov till mid Feb.
This is after I end my contract. I've been working for 6 months. Unbelievable. I am surprised myself.
Thanks to my parents who pushed me to go for the job and stick to the job till the end.
I wouldn't have persevered till today if it wasn't for them.

The job really taught me to be patient and to push myself to do things which I may not feel like doing or like to do. It can be tiring and draining. Not because I have lots of work to do, but because I don't have much that I can really do there. I was sooo soo happy that they gave me the green light to end it off by early Nov. They wanted me to stay on till end of Nov. I'll go bonkers if I stayed that long. Not that the place is really awful or terrible. People there are nice & friendly, environment is really relaxing, the pay is good... but I really needed a break.

I really can't wait for my break to start. I do have a list of things I want to do. However, Nov would be like my 'hibernation" month. Dec and Jan would be 2 crazy, exciting months for me. I'm gonna enjoy myself before I leave to Aussie.

I was thinking about my life past few days... and how it has been. I really feel like seperating myself from the world and take the time to just reflect and perhaps figure things out. There's so many things going on in my mind, yet I don't have the time to actually think much about it. Perhaps I'm afraid. One thing about me is that, I can hardly survive without having any activities in my life or having people around me. I can hardly sit still during sermons or sitting in for any long talks now. I'll fidget... my concentration will decrease... I have problem trying to remember what was is my mind before that... etc.

Also, I realized I've been soo depedent on people, that I'm really afraid that I can't survive in Aus. I'll always need someone's company or seek someoen to talk to every day. Soon I realized that my friendship with them changes over time as well. To something good? Don't think so. I feel far away from many that was once close to me. Perhaps, when I begin to know a person, I start opening up my life and sharing my life stories. After that, I'll be left empty... and I don't know what else to share already. Too open to people perhaps? Sometimes, I even create unnecessary trouble for myself >_<

These questions ponders within me so often. Too many questions at times..
"What am I really living for? What is my passion? Am I really significant at all here? What am I suppose to do here???!! What's the point of living when there is no joy of living life? Who am I living for? Am I really living for the One who I am supposed to be living for?"

So frustrating at times >_< Nevermind, I'll keep finding the answers anyway and pray that I will not give up.

Clueless

So many things have happened since I’ve updated the last post. My office line is down, so it’s like really quiet here and because of that, many people won’t see me online as often as I used to as well. Hehe I guess it’s a really good thing because I get to control my ‘net’ addiction. I’ve been in and out of home, so usually I’ll come online really late at night and just for a while, or I’ll stone for the whole day in office (which is not good-la). Also, feeling unwell for the past few nights (I say nights because I got better in the morning and afternoon, miraculously) helped me distant myself from going online for too long during the nights.

Things seem so complicating when you keep thinking about it, though it only has a simple reason. The only time it becomes extremely complicating is when you keep dwelling and have that thought lingering around as we so often try so hard to reason it out ourselves in our minds, even when some has it’s reasons stated or obviously shown already.

I was feeling ‘kinda’ confused the past few days… ok, maybe months-la. Things happened and I didn’t really understand why. Or perhaps, vice versa, things didn’t happen when I thought it was suppose to take place. There was not much explanation on how or why it happened. Perhaps, I’ve already had those simple reasons but it wasn’t enough to give me peace and not enough for me to understand the fuller picture.

Now, I have 2 things off my burdened back. I am thankful. I wonder why it took so long for me to let go. I guess I just needed an honest answer and explanation that I could really register into my mind (simple enough for me to understand, without all the fancy words) and move on with life. LOL.

Those few months, I regretted so many things that had happened before. Yes, tainted past, the hurts… but now as I think back, it ain’t that bad. I really learnt a lot of things about myself. It made me reflect a lot more, made me think a lot more about my own actions and consequences. Some painful memories but, I guess, something good can come out from it, if we are willing to open our eyes and heart to learn from those experience.

I hope to be more confident now as a person; the way I live my life and the way I carry myself out. My friend asked me how am I and I honestly told him that it has been tough and I have personal struggles to face, but I didn’t tell him in detailed what was it. He didn’t press on to get out more information from me, but he said this “I think you’re going to have a breakthrough soon”. I replied, “I think so too”. I really hope so… and I should be putting my trust in God for that. I really need one in my life.

In the midst of confusion and doubts, I won’t say that my relationship with God is ‘perfecto’. I’ve strayed and am trying to draw near to Him again. His words doesn’t speak much to me as much as it used to… but I don’t want to give up because I know there’s something more to life than what it is now. I don’t want to give up because I know there is something more out there than just ‘me’ here. I don’t want to give up because I know everything is not going to be worth it but one thing is because it’s lasting. Because of that reason, everything will be worth it, not just for me but someone beyond my comprehension, beyond my understanding.

Often in this crazy world, we forget who is in control. I admire my friends whom I can see, still pressing on and continually holding on to the faith and His word, His integrity, His purpose… still sane from all the things that happened. I love to hear from them, as they share their experiences and how when things gets tough, they hold unto God even tighter and praise God for strength, perseverance and what they have learnt through all the crappiness they may have been through. Perhaps just 10 or even 5 minutes, spending time, just hearing from them or one person even, gives me hope again. I see glimpse hope every time I hear all these testimonies and the simplest things that He did in their lives and how they’ve hanged on, in their faith in Him. A reminder that God is still there… through it all.