End Year Break

I'll finally get my long break/holiday! Woohoo! It'll be from early Nov till mid Feb.
This is after I end my contract. I've been working for 6 months. Unbelievable. I am surprised myself.
Thanks to my parents who pushed me to go for the job and stick to the job till the end.
I wouldn't have persevered till today if it wasn't for them.

The job really taught me to be patient and to push myself to do things which I may not feel like doing or like to do. It can be tiring and draining. Not because I have lots of work to do, but because I don't have much that I can really do there. I was sooo soo happy that they gave me the green light to end it off by early Nov. They wanted me to stay on till end of Nov. I'll go bonkers if I stayed that long. Not that the place is really awful or terrible. People there are nice & friendly, environment is really relaxing, the pay is good... but I really needed a break.

I really can't wait for my break to start. I do have a list of things I want to do. However, Nov would be like my 'hibernation" month. Dec and Jan would be 2 crazy, exciting months for me. I'm gonna enjoy myself before I leave to Aussie.

I was thinking about my life past few days... and how it has been. I really feel like seperating myself from the world and take the time to just reflect and perhaps figure things out. There's so many things going on in my mind, yet I don't have the time to actually think much about it. Perhaps I'm afraid. One thing about me is that, I can hardly survive without having any activities in my life or having people around me. I can hardly sit still during sermons or sitting in for any long talks now. I'll fidget... my concentration will decrease... I have problem trying to remember what was is my mind before that... etc.

Also, I realized I've been soo depedent on people, that I'm really afraid that I can't survive in Aus. I'll always need someone's company or seek someoen to talk to every day. Soon I realized that my friendship with them changes over time as well. To something good? Don't think so. I feel far away from many that was once close to me. Perhaps, when I begin to know a person, I start opening up my life and sharing my life stories. After that, I'll be left empty... and I don't know what else to share already. Too open to people perhaps? Sometimes, I even create unnecessary trouble for myself >_<

These questions ponders within me so often. Too many questions at times..
"What am I really living for? What is my passion? Am I really significant at all here? What am I suppose to do here???!! What's the point of living when there is no joy of living life? Who am I living for? Am I really living for the One who I am supposed to be living for?"

So frustrating at times >_< Nevermind, I'll keep finding the answers anyway and pray that I will not give up.