How to live your life 101??!!!

I feel as if people are telling me on how to live my life...
They are like giving me a course of it...
"How to live your life 101"
Argh!!! It's so frustrating at times!

Okay.. I don't blame them.. I know that I can be a wreck!
*ok maybe I am overexaggerating*
I know that I am not organized, irresponsible, independent & all sort.
Even good qualities like.. nice-ness, sweetness & friendliness can be a problem to some extend.
Well, too much of those can 'cause others to be sick. Maybe it's a good thing.. hmmm...

Please forgive me.. but I am just feeling quite sucky at the moment.
So, just give me space & allow me to express myself outwardly...
I am only human!!! I have my own weakness!!! Helloooooo!!! I'm not perfect you know!!!
*phew* okie.. that feels slightly better.

I am wondering.. is it that ppl try to "perfect-ized" (*is there even such a word?*) me
Or am i trying too hard to be perfect?
Perhaps I am trying too hard.

I don't blame others who want to correct me & teach me.
I do wanna be a better person.
What I hate most is those who think that I'll can never change.. and be from what I am. Obviously, it takes time & lotsa patients because I won't be able to correct all at once!
And its a life process you know! it's never instant!
It takes years to mould someone esp from their old habit.
You want instant too bad for ya! well, too bad for me too! >_<

I know.. they are doing it for my best & want me to be a better person.
I am still so far on being the standard of what God would have want us to live...
I thank God for His grace and mercy upon me anyway
Also, His willingless to accept me... even this way.

I guess I just need some time out.
I get so uptight easily and stressed out, frustrated perhaps because...
my body is tired, I don't have much rest
*at times, I don't want to, i don't know whats wrong with me*
I don't seem to have the time to think & reflect.
*even of I do, I'm the kind of person who don't like to think so much.. cuz it can cause me to dwell in my past, guilts & shames *yada yada*

Sometimes, I just wanna stop being a better person because it's just not good enough...
and being a goody person at times even get critisized and shot down.
*sigh*

Even as I feel all this... I do know that many times, I am in the wrong position.
I recognize that pretty well..
However, I wanna push my responsibility of my actions, it'll still come back to me..
So... I guess at the end of the day... why not, just persevere through all this...
Though it's stuff that I don't wanna hear.. and things that is not so pleasing to the ear.
Why not, still be a better person, though it's tough to struggle through?
'cuz at the end of the day... i guess, it'll be all worth it..
because we will be moulded to what He wants us to be.

Even if others are not proud of me..
Even if ppl don't know that I am trying... because it doesn't seem too be so...
I know that at least, He sees my heart... He knows how I feel & my every weakness...
and... perhaps.. I know that He can one day be proud of me.. for trying my best & struggling it through with perseverance...
Because I've done my best to live...