Pampered Self

Oh man, I can't wait to hang out with my gals!!!
I am sooo up to pamparing myself for one day...
eg. facial, manicure, doing my hair, shopping!

Okie okie.. I wasn't like this before.
I wasn't really the shopping type. I only go shopping like twice a year or something.
But, I really really need some new clothes now and a good fashion advice from my galfriends!

I did manicure like twice before. It's nothing much really.
You just feel relaxed and feel good ya know when someone is doing your nails for ya.. looking good with those nicely cut and painted nails.

Ahh! I can't wait to change the style of my hair! To just try out something new.
My hair can't really do much until I straighten it.. but I think I have to wait till end of the year to do that!!
So long!! I still wanna highlight my hair or something.

I've never done facial before.
Heck, I don't even wear make up when I go out!
I just want them to clean my pores, get rid of those irritating pimples/acnes & blackheads.
I still don't understand how others can get such smooth and flawless skin, but I'm gonna find out soon!

I really really need to start exercising. I am getting rounder each day.
I don't think it's because I eat way a lot.. I eat more junkfood/unhealthy food, perhaps and I lack exercise.
I seriously need to keep fit and hopefully turn my fats into muscles! *haha* Tone it, man!
Also, a healthier lifestyle liao!

I've always said that I want these changes. I've even blogged bout it few months ago! And I still haven't done it yet. Some parts of me, am afraid of the changes cuz I've never been this... I don't know.. pampered with myself? or girly before (in a way)? I mean, I don't do these stuff.

I would often wonder what would people think of me if I changed.
Eg. Do they even know that I have such desires in my heart? Am I not suppose to have these desires? Hide it? What if they don't like the "new me"? What if they find me a total changed person and want the old me back? What if lizzie don't look like the ol goody-goody 2 shoes anymore or the sweet cute-face gal, and they will create this really bad impression of me instead? I mean impressions can be before really knowing the person, rite? What if... what if?

Haha sounds as if... it's a sin to try to look good, pamper myself or beautify myself. Lol! And it's not like I do it so often that I blow my money away for it. These are the questions that kinda make me chicken out last minute, and the awkwardness I feel when I want to look good or beautiful outwardly, but feel a lil ashamed inside. I do wonder, did I vanquish those desires because of all the questions in my thoughts that tells me... Also statements like...

It's not worth ya money, you're just blowing it away. You may create too much attention to yourself, which will cause embarrassment and more problems. How bout, new friends coming because of your looks and old ones leave because you don't seem to be the same. Come on.. you can't do it. Your parents will think that you're nuts! There sure would be negative comments from others about it and comparision made.. I can assure you!

These kinda thoughts really are a pain in the ass, because they surpressed my desire to be feminine and to explore more bout myself and my identity.

I really wanna try it out someday, and I just gotta or my desire would kill me on the inside. I just want to be confident as a girl in the inside of the outside! And I really hope that I can try it out with my galfriends (before one of them leaves to UK and the other to Aus).

Am I ready for the change? I don't know. But I sure like to find out.

P/S Some people may think that I worry too much or am paranoid. But these are experiences and comments I get from people from the past, that sort of "made me who I am" or "the way I think".