Exams O Exams...

Quiet and empty, isn't it? Can't get that in PJ/KL at 10.30pm. I think here, you can lie down at the middle of the road & not get crashed.. LOL! Love the city lights at night. This was taken when I was waiting for bus to go home from the city.


Exams... exams... exams....
I finally felt nervousness 3 hrs before my 1st paper. Finally realized that I can't settle for a fail... finally realized that just passing it, is the results I can best produce.
I've been reflecting upon the sem and asking myself, what really happened.
Why couldn't I follow or concentrate in class? Why is it that I didn't have the motivation to do my best and that I am consistently drained out after assignments, from one to another? Looks like, it wasn't only my struggle, but my friends from back home seem to face something somewhat similar as what I felt. Is it a 'Malaysian' mentality thing? I hope not..

Past 2 papers was BAD!!!! Perhaps not as scary as my dream, but it was SCARY! Try staring at the paper for hours, not knowing what to write. You want to crap something up also, your mind is BLANK!!!! You've reread what you've studied like 4-5 times, and prepared points for essay, but suddenly you just lose your train of thoughts. Wohooo!! That was me!!! I could picture my answers in my mind.. as in PICTURE it!!! but i couldn't express it down in words >_< *shucks* It really was bad. I know that I can pass because of my assignments. If I can't even pass for it... lol... my results for exam is super minimal. *sigh* ok.. enough of exams... have to look forward and focus on 2 more (1 internal paper, 1 take home exam). Then, I can berMERDEKA and berHOLIDAY!!! XD Kinda looking forward to the hols. That was initially the only thing I looked forward to.

1st paper was nervous mah .. cuz first paper... mins before exam, I was excited... I was smiley.. my friends and I were singing before we entered into the hall. I started singing "Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas" or smtng... LOL!!! Winter mahh!! SO COLD somemore! and my focus was on the star the whole evening while waiting to enter into the exam hall :P Exams... was bad but it was still alright... I could still smile my way out and back. My other friends must think that I am crazy. I was so relieved that it was over. I can deal with a pass for this one.

I was extremely disappointed over myself with yesterday's paper though. I was so angry and unhappy that when I came out from the hall and waited for the bus to go to the city, I did something that I haven't done for years, since secondary school. You see I mix with couple of guy friends, was very close to them, and I picked up one of their habit... like how they would react when they were unhappy. At the other side of the bus stop, as I was blocked by it, I punched the wall a few times... Yeah, I know it's a stupid thing to do.. lol.. and yes, it hurts. That was the main point I guess. So that you can feel the pain and it can replace the other feelings inside, whether it is sadness or frustrations. Was soooo furious... >_< I somehow wished the wall was smoother though.. LOL!

I'm glad that I was supposed to meet a friend that day for dinner. If not I wouldn't know where to go. I certainly didn't wanna go back. He could see that I wasn't happy. He knows that I wasn't. My whole facial expression dropped.. I practically stuffed myself with his chocs -Maltesers-. My friend must be thinking that I'm crazy. I know he was really worried. Since, I can't cry it out.. I might as well stuff and munch on things *MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH* That was what I do when I am unhappy.. I think I tend to eat a lot... I think when I am stressed, I don't eat at all. Yepz.. that's me. I thank God for him though.. that I had a friend to comfort me at that time. It was alright after that and I had a BIG appetite for dinner, despite the amount of chocs I ate before that. Apparently, I look extremely scary when I am frustrated, angry, unhappy and displeased. Yea, not many people get to see that side of me.

So yeah.. exams O exams... Gonna focus on the 2 more papers. Nvm. CAN ONE!!!