Dramas

I realized that there are a lot of dramas in my life... and I think I brought most of the dramas in my life. I tend to over-worry too much about the things that had past and the things that hasn't even come yet. I get hooked up over the bad experiences rather than the good experiences in my life. Sometimes, I even generalize my bad experiences with one person and assume that others are the same.

When you live each day worrying and ruminating over negative thoughts and over bad experiences... taking in every word that hurts, in which people said in or about your life, whether they meant it a not... it is mentally and emotionally tiring. Know what? It is so hard to break out of these kind of mentality and focus on more important or better things and on the present times, in which you're living. Well, I know it is increadibly hard for me... I slowly lost faith and trust in people because I of the negative thoughts about myself, others as well as my distorted perception of God.

Most of the time, I tend to over-intensify or under-intensify (there are such words rite? Hope I used it in the right context) my problems or the feelings I had inside of me. Both does not help in my life. I only open up to certain people in certian period of time and the rest of the time, I prefer to just bottle it up inside... because I know how dependant I can be on the person after a while. I don't want to do that anymore.

Hmmm.. I think, from now on, I don't really want to blog so much about my 'depressed' moments or thoughts. Don't want to dwell so much in it and yet don't want to avoid it. Perhaps, I should journal those stuff in my personal diary or something. Maybe from time to time, when I am in desperate need to release, I will express it out through blog... If I think it is necessary. I realized blogging about these things may not actually help or build others. I want my blog to be a place to bless others and that somehow, God can use it so that others can learn from my experiences and I am able to learn from theirs as they comment as well.

Therefore, Lizzie doesn't want to have so much dramas in her life anymore and want to focus and more important things. Priorities gal!!! :) I really want to build up my life again.. physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. So far, pretty good.. Lots more to learn & lots more to reflect.

If I can't handle or take care of my own life... How am I gonna handle others in my job or my ministry? How am I gonna be a blessing to others and serve Him with my best? I don't want to just do it or live life for myself... for for Him and for the people He wants me to make a difference in, the people He loves.