Can't sleep

It's 3.40am in the morning and I can't sleep. I don't even really feel sleepy or tired.
I've tried sleeping just now but I have so many things in my mind. I was talking to God about what is going on in my life and what has been going on in my friend's lives. Of course, He knows it already, but I feel there is a need to tell Him still. That's how I communicate with Him. After that, it slowly wondered to different things, which I can't remember. I guess, it was going into the unconcious. Random thoughts.

Anywayz, the great thing is, I have to be awake by 8.30am, the latest for leader's meeting and church celebration after that. I have no idea how am I gonna survive that.

Oh.. it's 4.05am already. Ok, now my eyes are feeling a bit heavy.
"Lord, please help me feel sleepy and fall into a deep sleep until 8.30am"

These days, I felt as if there is an angel watching over me and Jesus holding my hand, through the things that have been bothering me. Just a few days ago, I begged and cried for Him, not to leave me and to hold my hand. I don't know who can I hang on to anymore apart from Him. I prayed asking Him to help me not leave Him to 'cuz I know I often run away from His presence, wondering around on my own and getting lost.

When I was thinking while trying to sleep just now, I imagined something wonderful...

"Jesus asking me to dance with Him.. I was a small girl at that time... then, suddenly I've grown older, with this really beautiful dress. I can't remember it's color, was it pink or white. Anyway, I was dancing around my Lord Jesus Christ. I felt like a princess too, I told Him. The thing is, she doesn't look like me, she looks so much prettier, thinner, elegant, poise and all. I wished I had her looks, the way she conducted herself and all. I've imagined myself to be her. But Jesus told me "You don't have to be someone else. You are beautiful just the way you are" - somewhat along that line.

You see, I've always wanted to be prettier, smarter, better, nicer, friendlier and all that, than the state that I am now. I do feel inferior to others because I compare myself to them. But, God is trying to remind me that, I don't have to try so hard. He will allow me to blossom in my own time. I am already beautiful from the time He made me and will indeed mature into a more beautiful girl and it may not be because of my looks or because I was smarter and all that. It is my heart... the heart that is willing to dance with the Lord and follow His rhythm. I am His little princess, if I allow Him, the King to be my Father. Allowing myself to freely dance before Him, expressing my love to Him and flow with Him, ya know. He loves that. He loves to see me dance. He loves it when I dance with Him. I see the smile in Jesus' face.

That reminded me of the song I composed a few years back, entitled...

"Smile on Your face"

You look to me,
With that smile on Your face,
You would draw close each day,
And gently touch my face.

As I reach to You,
You would carry me,
Like a Father,
In Your loving arms

Whispering in my ears,
Saying "I love you my, child"

For everytime, I pray,
I want to see that smile,
As You look upon me.
Each night before I sleep,
I'll always dream that You,
Would twirl me around as we dance,
And I'll see that smile,
That smile on Your face.

Composed & Copyright by Elizabeth Hie.