What's Good for Me

I ain't no queen of hearts,
I go through stages..
I fall in love
then complicate it
yea, you know the feeling
without much hope
just blind ambition
pretending that there's nothing missing
i always kept believing

that more..
i thought if i had more
i wouldnt get so bored
but everything just left me empty
love walking in and out of my door
wasn't good enough no more
when i don't trust myself, life really sucks

and the first time i thought it but i didn't do it
last time that's when i really blew it
so this time im gonna do it different
cuz i know i know i know
if i put everything i have into it
eventually, i'm gonna get what's good for me

cuz i don't want to
live my life wonderin'
if only
i woulda
i shoulda
i coulda
but i didn't
cuz i only blame myself yeah again...

by Lucy Woodward

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Do what u think is best vs. His best?
Try so hard to be perfect vs. being the person He wants u to be, with flaws and weaknesses as He designed you to be?

Sometimes I wondered whether I stopped believing...
But if I did, I guess it was like what my mum told me
"girl, if u do not believe, u would not keep asking yourself what God wants and for His decision..u will decide for yourself"

Guess I'm just hanging on to that thin rope... still holding on as best as I can... If I let go, I'll fall.. but I am not letting go anytime soon!