Baby Blues

*Eeeeee!* sooo cuteee!!! *pinch babies cheeks*

I love "Baby Blues" comic ;)
Zoe, Hammie and and.. and... I forgot the 3rd child's name.

But they are sooo cute!
I 'pinjam-ed' the comic from a friend of mine who came back from Ukraine for hols.

Oh man... this comic strips make me feel like having my own family!
I wanted to name my daughter Zoe as well..

I found out a couple of years ago that Zoe means "life"
The name was inspired by Christian contemporary music group called "ZoeGirls".
I liked the name Zoe because it was unique and it started with the letter "Z" which was not commonly used.
and the he alphabet "Y" in the middle of the name.

I thought of a couple of names for my children before...
Eg. Caitlyn, Kaylie, Kaylee... (I have a list.. ufnortunately, I don't have it with me now).

I plan to have max 4 kids only la.. more than that, I prefer not..

Unless of course, God wants to bless me with even more *haha* =P

When something unexpected comes up

Things that has happened the past few days really surprised me.
Beyond my imagination *blows my mind off*
It's so wierd when something can happen... somewhere around you, you are involved in something without your own knowledge.
It's wierd.. O_o
I still don't understand why, or what really really happened.
I don't know whether to laugh or to cry... It's mind boggling. My gosh...

But I'm glad that it is kinda off my chest :)
After much thinking and feeling discouraged, maybe dwelled in self-pity for a while... as well as reflecting upon my life,
God showed me a different perspective on how I should respond.
*Thanks Father -hugz-* I'm surprised I can ever come up with such idea.

I hope a new beginning will give birth through this...
A renewed hope...
It is also a test of mercy and forgiveness.

Stocking - up

What do I have on my desk?
- Nestle Milo Nuggets
- Rocky Strawberry Flavour
- Chipsmore (Regular)
- Frozz Cherry Mint
- Mentos Sour Mix
- Tic Tac Lemon Mint

I really mean it when I say I eat to keep me alert in the office ;p

Random updates

Holiday
I would like to share with ya all about the camp I went.
Unfortunately, I don't have much time to blog about.
I know if I did, it'll be a long post.
So, let's just postpone that till end of this week k.
I have many exciting stories from there to tell =)

Schedule
Just realized that I have my schedule booked almost each and everyday.
It's either I'm going out or people coming over.
It's crazy, I tell you! How did I get this busy?
Okay ler, maybe not busy busy like work busy..
well, I am busy with work in the morning till evening..
But at night, it's more of meeting up people, going for meetings etc.
Need to C.H.I.L.L. with myself and with God more.

Food
Oh yeah, I am becoming a sweet tooth fella >_<
I don't really like taking too much sweets, but when I started working, I have to have at least a sweet a day...
Actually, I take more than that.
It's to keep me awake and 'active' in my mind.
I really hope my teeth won't fall out when I get old.
I am even eating more junkfood and 'nasi lemak'.
Gosh!!! Becoming unhealthy.
The junkfood comes in when I am bored or just finished work (why? I don't know)
Nasi lemak usually for breakfast.
I have cravings for that particular Malaysian food in the mornings, though it makes my stomach uncomfortable most of the time after that.
Then, soon before lunch, I'll feel sleepy... After lunch as well.. *sigh*

Sleep/Doze off
My sleeping habit got a bit better.
From 3 - 4ams in the morning, I sleep about 12.30 or latest 1.30am now.
Improvement! *yey!*
I have a really bad habit... I tend to fall asleep in my workplace
(while downloading resumes, half way typing - reformatting resumes etc.) Odd no?
Many contributing factors:
- not enough sleep during the night before
- slouching
- breakfast/too much chybohydrate (nasi lemak)
- reading too many words (resumes)

I realized that posture is very important for one to keep awake.
If I slouch, I tend to feel sleepier and soon doze off.
If I sit up straight, I am able to focus more what I am doing.
Then again, my body gets tired after a while, if I sit up straight for too long.

Can't wait to update about camp and more :)

My Five Factor Personality Profile

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion: You have medium extroversion. You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party. Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences. But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time." Conscientiousness: You have medium conscientiousness. You're generally good at balancing work and play. When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done. But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it. Agreeableness: You have high agreeableness. You are easy to get along with, and you value harmony highly. Helpful and generous, you are willing to compromise with almost anyone. You give people the benefit of the doubt and don't mind giving someone a second chance. Neuroticism: You have medium neuroticism. You're generally cool and collected, but sometimes you do panic. Little worries or problems can consume you, draining your energy. Your life is pretty smooth, but there's a few emotional bumps you'd like to get rid of. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is medium. You are generally broad minded when it come to new things. But if something crosses a moral line, there's no way you'll approve of it. You are suspicious of anything too wacky, though you do still consider creativity a virtue.

The Five Factor Personality Test

Control over ourselves?

After washing my face this morning, I looked in the mirror..

"Oh my gosh!!!" O_O >_<>

I looked as if I've been punched in the eyes or something *ok-la, a bit exaggerated*
It didn't look that bad when I have my specs on but when I took it off... oh dear.

There are dark rings around my eye... I am quite lethargic these few days.
Haven't have enough sleep.. A few times, I just can't sleep till past 3am or so. It's nuts.

Food intake, getting little and little.. day-by-day.
Wonder whether is it because I am getting bored of the food, or my stomach just got smaller?
Oddly, I don't feel as hungry as I used to, when I take such small amount of food each day.
I don't think that I psyced myself thinking that I am fat, though I would love to be thin and just right.

It's odd how our biological clock works.

Some people say that I am a happy-go-lucky person.. at times laid back. Those who really know me, I tend to worry a lot and get tensed up quite easily. You can see it through the way I handle things at times, or when I plan. I am always in a rush. Those close to me would know 'cause they would be the victims when I talk to them about it. They would have to keep asking me to calm down.. to relax... to not be too worried about these lil things in life.

My friend asked once "Do you feel lonely?" At first, I do not know how to answer that. Come to think about it, I do not feel that as often as I do last time. Why? Because I've been running around like a maniac from one activity to another and kept myself busy.. I dont' really have the time to think whether I am lonely. Which is good at my part, but in a long run, I think I may just breakdown and crash or something. If I really look deeper into my soul, perhaps I do feel lonely... or rather afraid that I'll feel lonely.

Symptoms:
- Aggitated when I have nothing to do.
- Am clueless on what I should do.
- Get a bit worried & tense for having nothing to do.
- Do not know how to relax or do something I really enjoy.
- Hardly had the time to just rest.

Do I bombared myself with these activities unconciously to avoid thinking about how lonely I could be or because I just really like to do these things and love to help around? If I do really want to serve also, I better do it wisely, because at the end of the day, I'll be tiring myself out, either knowing the purpose of what I do and how I live each day, or still clueless about it.

I know that I am standing on dangerous grounds if I do not reflect upon my life, the way I live and search deeper of why I do certain things. But at the same time... I think I am afraid. I am afraid of letting my mind wander about, letting my emotions go loose and it becomes uncontrollable.

Can that ever happen? Is it possible to not having control over what you think of and your feelings? I believe that you can control it if you really really want to, at the same time, it is really hard to do so. Afterall, God gave us a choice. He didn't make us robots that we have no control of our lives at all. Yes, God is in control of everything around us, but ultimately we are responsible for our own decisions and actions. We are given the stewardship to choose how we want to live, in this lifetime.

When I worry, my friend/leader told me before that I should not think too much, or my mind will play tricks on me. As a psychology student, I know that the mind is a powerful thing that God has made, and no one can fully understand it. You can see through the various the perspectives or theories that humans came up with to understand human behavior. I also asked before "Have you ever felt afraid for falling in love with someone?" She answered she doesn't like it when someone uses the word 'falling in love'. The statement sounds as if there is no control over your feelings and actions. Therefore, it seems like you don't have to take responsibility over it.. cause it's beyond your capability or what you can choose to do.

What I've learnt is if I really did 'fall' for someone, I am able to choose on what I want to do about it, even if it seem so feel hard to control my feelings. If my mind think too much about unimportant, unhealthy facts that could be destructive to my life, I can at least try to stop thinking about it or do something that would help to not think too much about it - like having all those activities. That doesn't give me the excuse to avoid reflecting upon what is important, just because I do not want to face it. I can choose to sleep early and eat properly. I have control over my own body... and what I want to do. So, I should take control and be a steward of my the life that God has given to me.

Life and choices are afterall, a gift from God to us...

I miss...

I wanna share so many things... but now I can't remember it all...
I miss so many things...

I miss blogging like I used to.
I miss expressing myself thru music and writing.
I miss dancing freely when I was a lil kid.
I miss making encouragement notes/cards for people I care for.
I miss my friends who are seem to be closeby but seem so afar at the same time.
I miss the times when I knew how to relax.
I miss going to places, looking at the city lights and being mesmorized by it.
I miss hanging out with a person that I thought was special to me and I was special to him.
I miss chillinz with my friends and talk about random things in life.
I miss studying in college and doing research (can't believe it!).
I miss the people I've just met and wish that I can know them better.
I miss being the shy girl that hides behind her friends.
I miss being a good listener and being there for my friends who are in need.
I miss the peeps whom I used to exchange letters with in sec schools.
I miss the times when my parents and uncle use to swing me around in their arms.
I miss the times treating my grandma's dress as a swing.. Swinging in between her legs as I sit on her dress, the bottom part there *haha*
I miss being the adventurer in my dreams.
I miss dressing up during special occasions.
I miss the times when I was soo willing to lend a hand to a friend.
I miss wishing for a guy to sweep me off my feet.
I miss having a soft/gentle heart and yet being strong willed about what I believed in.
I miss enjoying the songs I play.
I miss having a hobby.
I miss just talking with a friend for hours on the phone.
I miss really caring about someone so much that I won't get tired of it.
I miss carrying the hope in me, not giving up in a person.
I miss the optimistic me.
I miss being different not because I am cute.
I miss being truly innocent.
I miss being special to someone.
I miss the times when I just ran into my Heavenly Father's arms.
I miss being a princess in His eyes and believing, knowing that I really am.
I miss the times when I can really talk.
I miss the times when I am facinated by lil things in life.
I miss keeping with me those sweet memories I have with my friends.
I miss just being the lil girl and leave behind the worries of the world...

I miss... I miss.... I miss....

Research on 'Relationships'

Hi peeps,

I am doing this research on "Relationships" which include, singlehood, dating, courtship, marriage, finding love partner.. etc and do a presentation on it. What I'm asking from you are questions that you have about the topic. It can be anything, as long as its relevant to the topic mentioned. With the questions that we gather from ourselves (teammates and I) and anyone who comments about it, we will try our best to relate it with what the Bible have to say, (which we believe it is the Word of God) concerning the questions that we have about relationships. So, what we do is to tie in and relate the answers to your questions with what God has to say about it, not out of our own opinions.

So, please feel free to just throw in some questions about relationship issues. Whether you are from different race, nationality, religion, anything la... It'll be good to hear from you. Those who has my MSN, you can message me, those who doesn't have can just put your questions under this post's comments.

Thanks.


Lizzie

Life Partner (Part II)

Continuation of the post before...

• Leadership: My future partner shouldn't make hasty decisions. It'll be good if he can consult me about it and both of us share our view points about the decision. But overall, the leadership will fall upon him. I wouldn't really like it, if my husband depend on me to make every decisions in the house. Also, I want God to be involved in the decisions we make.I pray that God's wisdom will be upon him and he will not take this responsibility lightly. I will learn submit to the authority of my husband and even if his decisions isn't wise, I shall submit it to God and not put him down him for not taking my advice when the decision goes wrong. We'll work and walk it through together. I believe the power of authority in the family is very important for the whole family's well being and spiritual life. What you teach and model to your children, is very important, however, it is a hard task.

• Integrity: In what he believes in, his values and in his workplace. This integrity is grounded in the word of God - The understanding of what you believe and values, also, obedience to God's word and His calling though you may not understand it yet. It is the principle behind it. Walk the talk. I believe it comes with a teachable heart and humble spirit within. This came into mind,"You are in the world but you are not of the world". Meaning, you don't have to be like everyone else or just follow the flow, though you are part of them (human race), but stick firm to what you believe in and the values you trust is right and favourable in God's eyes. It is a daily learning process as we face trials and temptations in different stages of our lives.
  
• Joy: Joy of living. The joy of Christ, contend with where he is, who he is and what he is and yet, continue to maximize his potential and put every effort and everything he do, every breath he breathes, every step he takes, to bring glory to our Almighty God. A guy that is vibrant in the way he lives. I love a guy with a great smile and spreads joy with the people around him. A guy who knows what or who he is living for and has the joy to live out loud for Him. A person who guides me in that direction to be a blessing to others as well, through the joy of the Lord in us.
  
• Spreads the love: A person that doesn't just focus his attention to me only, but are sensitive to other people's needs as well. What I meant to say is that... he is in this ministry of touching lives, being sensitive to people's needs, not only mine or his own. This way, we are able to spread the love of God together. A person that doesn't live on his own or for his own. A guy that also, knows his boundaries when he is meeting the needs of others . I do not mean it as a church ministry, but a life long commitment to serve God by giving his life to serve people, just as Christ did and that is what Christ wants from us as well. We do it not because others deserved it, but God loved us first and Christ still loves us. As Christians, He lives in us (or at least should be), therefore, we should be portraying His love to others and be a blessing to them. The ministry of "Touching Hearts, Changing Lives", not by our own works, but God with us.
  
• Spirit of excellence. I'm not talking about being the best among others. I believe that the standard is not of human's standard but God's standard. He sets the standard on how we should live, He IS the standard. Collosians 3:23 "And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men". I believe in whatever you do, always keep in mind that you are not doing it just on your own or for others, but God as well - whether it's the simple things you do, in studies, a project, in your workplace, serving in church etc. Everything we do, every labor we toil is an offering to God. So, let it be an offering that brings fragrance and brings favor to Him. We should give Him the best because He deserves the best. It is not about competitions or selfish desires to be on top or the best. Rather, reaching to be Christlike because He wants us to be. Therefore, we should be careful with the way we live our lives. This also comes with surrender because you are surrendering your life and whatever you do to someone greater than you can ever imagine or you can ever be.
  

Guess I over shot. I never knew that I can write so much about my ideal life partner. If you ask me in person, I probably can't tell you in detail or much at the spot itself. But when I type it down, I really reflect upon what I want to say and express. I believe the list doesn't just stop there... I pray that whoever I am with, whether he is as ideal as the list or not, I'll be able to accept and love him in whatever state he is in and for who he is, and yearn to help each other grow physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually.

Future life partner...

I was just reminded of a post that I was suppose to put up weeks ago... perhaps even a month ago >_< *sorry gal* My friend tagged me on the 8 traits/points on an ideal lover for me. Lover sounds quite cliche for me, that's why I prefer to call it my future life partner. The word life partner bring much meaning to me. Anywayz, here goes...

• Loves God: A person who loves God would honor Him and live in righteousness according to His ways. I know that he may not be perfect, but I know that because of this love with God, He would attempt to reach to God's standards of living. It is when we submit and trust God in different areas in our lives, we will begin to grow more into His likeness and he shall grow in substance, shown through his character. I can be assured that, he would be a living testimony for me, our kids and the people around us.

• Family Man: I would like my future life partner to still spend time with me and our kids, in the midst of his busy working life. I don't mean, abandoning work at all... but having a balance between those two. Responsibility over his work and also, his own family. I would want him to set aside time for me and the kids for family bonding, mentoring them about God and life as well as walking together, hand-in-hand in life as a family, thru thick & thin. A husband and a father who sets example for the family and loves us with an open heart and open arms *hugz*

• Captures my heart: Heheh of course before marrying me, the person would have to capture my heart first. But, I don't want it to just end there. It'll be great if he could capture my heart and still be passionate after we're married. Not just the first few years (that would be the easier part), but later years as well (which gets harder), until we grow old (even harder) and move on to Heaven (the, we rejoice together!). I know that passionate feelings do come and go, and as you live & know the person long enough you may get tired of him/her and when you realize and see all the silly and bad habits (that used to be cute but increadibly irritating after that), it is really hard to want or believe that you're married to this person. I really pray that my future husband would make attempts to sustain our marriage life, and I would do so too. You see I'm the kind of girl who needs to be reaffirmed of my love for the person and the person for me. I love it when the guy sweep me off my feet, do silly sweet stuff for me and it really captures my heart when I see the person putting the effort or initiate to do something for me. I feel deeply touched. The guy don't have to shower me with gifts (although it would be nice to recieve once in a while).. simple things do makes me happy; like words of affirmation, remembering special dates, keep aside time for me, a comforting hug and I guess, the guy would have to find what my love language is ler... then it'll be easier for him kua.

• Purity: A partner that keeps me pure, before and after marriage. A guy that knows his limits when we are courting/dating. A guy who initiates the right moves (eg. holding hands) at the right time but not pushing it any further than it should. A guy that respects me as a gal or a women. Not just physical touch, but keeping my heart guarded for God & my future husband (it should be him-la, but what if something happens betw the both of us?). Also, keeping my mind pure.. as in, the things we talk about, shouldn't provoke any unclean thoughts. Last but not least, spiritually building me up as a fine women, wife and mother... women of worth and one that seeks God.

I'm only at number 4. Still thinking of the rest of the 4 more...
Keep in touch for the continuation =)

Can't sleep

It's 3.40am in the morning and I can't sleep. I don't even really feel sleepy or tired.
I've tried sleeping just now but I have so many things in my mind. I was talking to God about what is going on in my life and what has been going on in my friend's lives. Of course, He knows it already, but I feel there is a need to tell Him still. That's how I communicate with Him. After that, it slowly wondered to different things, which I can't remember. I guess, it was going into the unconcious. Random thoughts.

Anywayz, the great thing is, I have to be awake by 8.30am, the latest for leader's meeting and church celebration after that. I have no idea how am I gonna survive that.

Oh.. it's 4.05am already. Ok, now my eyes are feeling a bit heavy.
"Lord, please help me feel sleepy and fall into a deep sleep until 8.30am"

These days, I felt as if there is an angel watching over me and Jesus holding my hand, through the things that have been bothering me. Just a few days ago, I begged and cried for Him, not to leave me and to hold my hand. I don't know who can I hang on to anymore apart from Him. I prayed asking Him to help me not leave Him to 'cuz I know I often run away from His presence, wondering around on my own and getting lost.

When I was thinking while trying to sleep just now, I imagined something wonderful...

"Jesus asking me to dance with Him.. I was a small girl at that time... then, suddenly I've grown older, with this really beautiful dress. I can't remember it's color, was it pink or white. Anyway, I was dancing around my Lord Jesus Christ. I felt like a princess too, I told Him. The thing is, she doesn't look like me, she looks so much prettier, thinner, elegant, poise and all. I wished I had her looks, the way she conducted herself and all. I've imagined myself to be her. But Jesus told me "You don't have to be someone else. You are beautiful just the way you are" - somewhat along that line.

You see, I've always wanted to be prettier, smarter, better, nicer, friendlier and all that, than the state that I am now. I do feel inferior to others because I compare myself to them. But, God is trying to remind me that, I don't have to try so hard. He will allow me to blossom in my own time. I am already beautiful from the time He made me and will indeed mature into a more beautiful girl and it may not be because of my looks or because I was smarter and all that. It is my heart... the heart that is willing to dance with the Lord and follow His rhythm. I am His little princess, if I allow Him, the King to be my Father. Allowing myself to freely dance before Him, expressing my love to Him and flow with Him, ya know. He loves that. He loves to see me dance. He loves it when I dance with Him. I see the smile in Jesus' face.

That reminded me of the song I composed a few years back, entitled...

"Smile on Your face"

You look to me,
With that smile on Your face,
You would draw close each day,
And gently touch my face.

As I reach to You,
You would carry me,
Like a Father,
In Your loving arms

Whispering in my ears,
Saying "I love you my, child"

For everytime, I pray,
I want to see that smile,
As You look upon me.
Each night before I sleep,
I'll always dream that You,
Would twirl me around as we dance,
And I'll see that smile,
That smile on Your face.

Composed & Copyright by Elizabeth Hie.

Worried...

• About my own spiritual life and my brother's.
• My friend's health because she hasn't been taking care of it.
• My friends' romance life (relationships) because it hurts me as well to see them hurt if it fails to work out.
• People around me losing hope.
  
• I'll lose touch with the wonderful peeps I've just met in camp.
• Safety of my neighbourhood, home, family and friends.
• Future career paths.
• Adaptabality to Australian lifestyle & environment
• Subjects for my 3rd year in UniSA.
• Whether UniSA is the right choice!
• Cell member's spiritual growth & the people close to me.
• Friendships with others.
  
• I would not dare to commit into a relationship, therefore, I won't be able to start one.
• I'll be a person, whom I do not want to be!
  
• Addicted to drinking when I go Aussie.
• Allowing my wild side to take control of me.
• Take BGR relationships lightly - treating it as a fling.
• Something stoping God from working in my life.
• I wouldn't get to spend much time with my mum before I leave Aus.

The list just goes on....

"Lord, help me to surrender all these into your hands. Indeed, please grant me peace, as you've granted your disciples when you met them again after your death. These were the words you said to them "Peace be with you". Indeed, I pray for your Holy Spirit to guide me each day in wisdom in the decisions I make and also, I pray that You will guard my heart from the evil one and from falling into temptations. Help me to cast my worries to You, O God. I may not be in control, but You are. Help us to remember that. Praise You O God, for You are still good beyond all the circumstances. You are above all these things. In Jesus Name, Amen"

Want to make a change

Want to make a change in:-

Blog: Anyone know's how to do blog design?

I want my blog to have a soft, light background of the 4 seasons-Summer, Autmum, Winter & Spring. It symbolizes something for me and I have a meaningful song to fit with it as well.

Outlook appearance:

• Hair: For easier maintanence. I've longed to highlight my hair blue or blue-ish red (purple)!
• Clothes: My bestfriend always say that I have bad fashion sense. One day, you bring me shopping and dress me up ler, gal!
• Size/Fitness: Wish I can be taller and thinner. *haha* since I don't think it'll happen (my bro stole the height genes from me!!!) I just wanna keep fit, look just right and be healthy!
• Looks: I'm don't usually put make up when I go out (Only when I dance). I just want to have a fresher and a more confident look with a wide smile to cheer people up. A smile can make a difference in people's lives.

Character:

• Friendliness - I don't know why, I find certain people intimidating. Perhaps, I should draw near to them and get to know them, instead of withdrawing myself from them. So far, those people whom I thought was intimidating, turned out to be a nice bunch of peeps. By doing this, I would probably build up my self-esteem and shyness. Of course, I shall be careful also-ler, not to get into wrong hands.
• Firm-ness - I gotta learn to rebuke in a right manner and also speak my mind out when I disagree, have an opinion or when I know that something should be done but isn't done.
• Leadership - Learn to dare to lead. I've always underestimated myself or take lightly the position I held. So, I've learnt not to play-play with the role and also not underestimating God and what He can do in my life. Of course, I'll always be reminded that leadership starts off my serving. Actually, leadership is servanthood as well, cause we are serving the people and their needs.
• Humbleness - I admit that I do have this ego-centric part of me. Sometimes I can be quite prideful and insensitive to others. I'm so sorry for those whom I've hurt because of my pride. I am the kind of person who tend to compare myself with others. So, I guess, I need to be humble. Afterall, I shouldn't compare myself with human standards, but with God standards.. because, human standards change, but God's standards doesn't change even over time. He sets the standard, He IS the standard.

What else? I guess it's all for now. The thing is whenever I change, people do look at me differntly and somehow they want the old Lizzie back. I just hope that I won't go over-fanatic about changing that I lose the true purpose of why am I doing this in the first place. I hope that I can be a better Lizzie instead of the unrecognized Lizzie (in a negative way).

Taken Away

It seems that the things I loved once, but I didn't appreciate much in the later years, were taken away from me.

1st: My dog, Rufus. I use to have time for him. I put him to sleep at night, as I let him sleep on my lap and pat him to bed. I used to play with him and feed him. Years went by and I as I grew and so my dog, I didn't have much time to even touch or look at my dog. I was often out of the house or lazing in the house. I hardly walk around my backyard, you see. I only see him when I wash my hands in the kitchen, his cage would be right in front. I see him when I come back.. he would greet me at the side of the garden, looking intently at me, but I walked into the house. He stares at me when I play music on my piano, and I just smile back at him. At times, I would pat him, but many times I didn't want to get myself dirty before I went out or when I am in the house bumming around.

2nd: My piano that has been with me since I was 4-5 years old. Now, I found out that they are gonna move the piano out! Well, I haven't been really using that piano since after my SPM. My parents got me this digital piano as a gift for my SPM results. I wasn't the best, but I did my best and my parents was proud of me. I wanted a keyboard, so that I could bring it to Aussie when I further my studies, but my dad wasn't too happy with the sound produced by it.. So, suddenly upgraded to digital piano *hahaha* Yeah.. anyway.. when I started thinking about the piano being sold, I feel a little sad. I mean, it has been with me for more than 10years. It's like part of the family. I loved it, I hated it (the lessons and exams, mainly). I composed songs with it.. I had sweet and bitter memories with it.

3rd: My close friend/(s). Okay, maybe the person is not like taken away.. away kinda thing. I should be thankful and grateful that the person/they are still there. Just feel a lil left out and "you're so near yet so far" kinda thing. It's just kinda sad, just left with the memories I had with the person or them. Worst, I don't know how to make it work as close friends again after that. I've became handicapped, most of the time, lost for words. However, I am still thankful that those people are still around and just... friends.

Sigh... I know that I didn't appreciate the things that God has handed me to take care of or to steward of. It makes me wonder, how am I gonna do BIG things for Him, if I can't even handle the little things for Him? I really do regret but I guess there is a lesson that we all will learn after that... especially when the things precious to us, are taken away from us.

When there was you and me

It's funny when you find yourself looking from outside
I'm standing here but all I want is to be over there
Why did I let myself believe
Miracles could happen
Cause now I have to pretend, that I don't really care

I thought you were my fairytale
A dream when I'm not sleeping
A wish upon a star that's coming true
But everyone else could tell
That I confused my feelingswith the truth
When there was you and me

I swore I knew the melody
That I heard you singing
And when you smiled you made me feel
Like I could sing along
But then you went and changed the words
Now my heart is empty
I'm only left with used-to-be's
Once upon a song

Now I know you're not a fairytale
And dreams were meant for sleeping
And wishes on the star just don't come true
Cause now even I can tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
Cause I like the view
When there was me and you

I can't believe I could be so blind
It's like you were floating while I was falling
And I didn't mind

Cause I liked the view
Thought you felt it too
When there was me and you...

-Vanessa Ann Hudgens in "High School Musical"-

Breaking Free

I love Disney songs. This is an inspirational song from a new movie "High School Musical".

Breaking Free

We're soaring, flying,
There's not a star in heaven that we can't reach
If we trying, so we're breaking free

You know the world can see us
In a way that's different than who we are
Creating space between us till we're seperate hearts

But in faith it gives me strength
Strength to believe

We're breaking free!

CHORUS #1
We're soaring, flyin'
There's not a star in heaven that we can't reach
If we're trying, so yeah we're breaking free
Oh, we're breaking free

Can you feel it building
Like a wave the ocean just can't control
Connected by your feelings
ooh, in your very souls

Rising 'til it lifts us up
So everyone can see

We're breaking free!

CHORUS #2
We're soaring, flyin'
There's not a star in heaven that we can reach
If we're trying, yeah, breaking free
Oooh runnin', climbin'
To get that place to be all that we can be
Now's the time we're breaking free
We're breaking free...

More than hope, more than faith
This is true, this is fate
and together we'll see it coming
More than you, more than me
Not a want but a need
Both of us breakin' free

CHORUS #3
Soaring, flyin'
There's not a star in heaven that we can't reach
If we're trying, so we're breaking free
Runnin', climbin',
To get that place to be all that we can be
Now's the time we're breaking free
Oohhh, we're breaking free..

You know the world can see us
In a way that's different than who we are

News on Lizzie's job update...

I felt as if it has been months since I've updated... well, it sorta kinda a month, since I've updated already. I guess is the 'working' feeling inside of me. Seem that everything passed by so fast.. Well, 'cause on weekdays, I do want the mins, hours, days and week to pass by as soon as possible. Now, I do understand the stuggles of work and why people do not seem to enjoy it or seem sooo tired after the long day. Well, I'm still new to it. There would be more struggles and problems if I am working longer, such as politic issues in the office etc, which I haven't experienced yet.

After this coming week, I have 2 weeks left in my workplace, before my contract is over. That was what I thought, a week ago... until my mum told me that I should extend my contract and we did. They agreed, since they needed someone to help out at the administration work. The person doing admin now is going to leave soon. Oh man.. I know nuts about admin work! Have to learn I guess. Should be quite fun. I'll be doing both recruitment and admin work next month. Also, if they need me back at old place to manage the problems of their updated application programes there, I'll be there too. 3 jobs in a month. Cool, rite? It's not confirmed yet ler actually. I was quite excited because I thought I would have a week break before I start working again. That means rest and I am able to hang out with my friends who is coming back from UK & Aus... but since the contract is extended, I only have 1 day leave for the month. It's okay. I'm beginning to get used to the job now.

I wanted to have an exposure in Kindergarten but I don't think that I can learn much from there. I definately can't be a kindy teacher. You'll need to go through some sort of training first, which will take months before you are qualified. Perhaps as caretakers, it won't be a problem. I thought working in hospitals would be good too, but I don't think I can find much jobs of psychologist clinics around M'sia. So, I'll most likely go into Human Resource, hopefully.

Working in my current job now is okay la. I've learnt to look at resumes and understand them, esp some of the IT-terms. Interesting.. sometimes I dream about those terms because I read them too much already. I get to differentiate between different jobs and the experiences they hold, not only the skills they possess. I learnt to mix with working people... though it was pretty hard for me, because most of my colleagues speaks in Mandarin and I do not understand at all. I learnt to call and talk or interview them about their current jobs and skillsets as well as experiences. They are sooo much older than me. The youngest, is about 23 - 24 years old.

It is kinda scary at first, to call strangers and talk to them. Some seem comfortable to talk and converse with me and I make sure that when call them, I would thank them. Also, in my e-mails, I would thank them for their time and end it with "Have a great week".

It is tiring and I have this lazy nature in me but I want to make the best out of my working days because that is what God would want us to do. I learnt to enjoy my work and no need so malu/embarresed to do things like calling people! "Just do it, gal! Won't die one. What is the worst that could happen?" That is what I always tell myself when I don't feel like doing something cuz it's out of my comfort zone or what I'm used to.

So that's my job update.

Recruitment

Remember I mentioned that I was working, doing testing application programme. 1 month has passed, and now I am doing recruitment! No, no.. I wasn't fired... I kinda finished doing my part in the customer's place (BSN) already. So, since I don't have much to do there, they shifted me back to the main office help out in recruitment instead. At first, the thought of doing recruitment really stimulated my mind. I was soooooo excited. You see, next year, I decided that I would specialize in Industrial/Organizational Psychology. So this area of work is sooo much relevant to me, compared to the testing progs work. Don't get me wrong, I like working at BSN as a tester. It was a new experience (IT line), facinating, interesting, routine (I know what to do) , flexiblebut soon I got extremely bored, cuz there weren't much for me to do there after the 3rd week.

Working in the main office doing recruitment now. Oh man, never thought it can be tiring. Tiring not because I needed to run around... Tiring because my job requires me to sit for 8 hours, staring at CVs and resumes and searching for potential candidates that would fit the job requirement. I was asked to interview the person on the phone as well, but I know that I am not ready because I know nuts about IT hardware, softwares; what the job is about or what does the company really do. Even head says it's a bit hard for me but I will have to use my discernment to do so... this involves Pscyhology as well ya know. Well, he can see that I wasn't ready and I was quite reluctant. Perhaps I shall do more research first before I make myself available to help in interviewing people. Just not now yet... *feel sorry though*. I mean, I have to understand what am I offering the candidates before I can talk to them rite? And if I need to get them to be in the company, I need to tell them what is it all about.. am I right?

Yeah.. so many things to learn. I felt so uncomfortable the past few days. Now, getting used to it. Thank God for giving me the peace and patience. Yesterday was terrible for me as I was trying my best to stay awake while reading the CVs. Today was a success, as I bugged God to provide me with strength. Yes, I used the word 'bugged' =P

I pray that i will learn to enjoy my job and step out in boldness in doing the things I'm suppose to do and when the tasks are handed to me. Do keep me in your prayers too ya!

Worship tonight

Worship practice tonight for awesome. It wasn't because we had the whole band or many of us came and worship or practiced together... Guess what? Only 6-7 peeps were there; 1 electirc guitarist, 4 singers (including myself) and band leader, who also handled the PA system for us. It is amazing how we can still worship and praise Him, singing with our hearts out with only the electric guitar. The delimma was that, the keyboard couldn't be used because the main power plug for the keyboard was missing. There wasn't any news from the bassist, couldn't contact the fella. The other guitarist was stuck with work, thanks to his boss and the drummer did come! but after that, decided perhaps we'll just do it with the electric guitar. In other words, many peeps just couldn't make it for the practice though they were in the band. But it's okay.

Perhaps some were disspointed-ler. I know I was a bit when I saw so few ppl.. and was wondering what happened to the rest of the peeps. You see, I have been missing from the ministry as well because of exams and also, I wasn't 'on' to serve that time as my sifu took over and served instead (there wasn't extra keyboards). I wasn't dissapointed or sad or anything like that. Instead, the timing was good because that was during my assignment/projects & exam period. Also, my parents wasn't too happy with my involvement with so many practices and activities. So, I really needed that break to spend time in my studies and with my family. And I did! So, after my exams and now working, I came back again and am glad to be there, serving again, but everyone else seem to be missing. Don't get me wrong, I don't blame them. I'm sure they have their reasons as I had mine the last month.

So, we only had the electric guitar as I mentioned. I had a strong feeling that practice would turn out great, better than what we'll imagined and perhaps even better than having the whole band together tonite. This happened when we were about to pray. What I am going to say next, may sound really bad-ler.. I was supposed to play keyboard but I know that I haven't really practiced for it and when I did practice, it didn't sound good enough.. my playing quality have gone down! Seriously! I wasn't ready or prepared. So, I was slightly relieved that I didn't have to play. Perhaps, even afraid that I would make the whole band suffer because of my playing (if I played). So, went into singing instead.

4 of us singing... 2 gals and 2 guys. Just using the e. guitar and singers, woah, it felt as if the place was a concert or opera house.. without audience but the singing combination was good and our guitarist played really well with his fill ins and his increadible skills. Most importantly, we could worship God freely and we focused on Him. It wasn't just to practice our skills but really to sing our hearts out to God and giving our all/best when we play or sing to Him. I know that His Holy Spirit was with us and when 2 or 3 are gathered in the midst, He will be there. Amen! It was awesome! Not just a worship practice for an upcoming event but singing it with joy, excitement and passion for Him... as if He was really there in the midst of us, as we exalt and giving Him glory. I'm sure He was there, in our hearts as He stirred our spirits-men within us.

It is amazing what God can do just with a guitar and a few singers. This I'm sure, taught us a lesson, that we don't have to have the whole band to worship God. We don't have to have all the instruments to make it perfect. Worship is the condition of the heart and you can worship with out without instruments, with or without others around you. Amen? We can always sing praises to Him even when there is just 2 people or on your own. Do it accapella by all means if you don't have the resources. Just don't give up or break down because of the lack of people or resources. Because our God is a God that can do things that we can't even imagine. He is great and He can make things great and happen. He only needs a vessel. Just one person to start, willing to serve Him and a heart that would follow Him.

I sang with joy in my heart! It has been years since I have that joy and God kept His promise. He granted me the joy when I was in the Baptism and Encounter Weekend. Usually, I'll shy off and would not want to sing in front of people, but this time, I just don't care. I just sing my whole heart out with joy. After that, God reminded me again of the passion and my prayer last time. It is still a mystery to me whether this is where God wants me to start or is this the so called 'new talent', also the promise that He wants to fullfill. I don't know but I'll continue to serve Him anyway, in wherever I am now.. and see where the Lord will lead me. How would I know where He leads me? I really don't know, but I think when the time comes and He really wants me to know, He will make it known to me somehow!

The Prayer

I went out for prayer last weekend celebration, trying to help out in anyway I can. I challenged myself to do so... though I feel small most of the times, whether it's praying for other people (whom I do not know or older than me) or be the catcher when they fall. As a leader in church, it is important that I learn to overcome this fear and not underestimate what God can do in my life. Even a prayer for a kid can be powerful, so there is really no age boundaries on the power of prayer or even mentoring others.

In my heart, I guess I wanted to be prayed for but kinda shy to go ask for it. So, I served la. Pastor suddenly approached me and asked whether I want to be prayed for or have I been prayed for. I told her I was just helping around. Then, I thought, I should just give it a shot ya know. One of my prayer request was to be more bold and couragous; to speak up when I need to and to dare to do things that I should do and asked to do by God. I find that my spirit of timidity isn't going anywhere, so I need to learn to take bolder steps if I want to live out loud for God and as a leader, I can't be timid all the time! I need to lead, guide and be able to edify and rebuke others when it is necessary.

So, Pastor M. did pray for me. I remembered some of the things she said... she told me this is one of the step of boldness... by coming out and asking for prayer. She added many other things, beside the prayer for boldness. She said that she sensed that the Lord was asking me not to rely too much on my gifts/talents (BINGO!) Wow! It spoke to me. Why is that? This is because I realized I have been relying a lot on my talents. Too much perhaps that I neglect Him at times. Also, I realized that I don't really know where am I heading to! I like this.. and that.. and this.. because I am sort-of good in doing it. Therefore, I am serving Him in that area. Perhaps that was what I was doing before. So now, I am really confused on where I should be serving and what is His desire for me to do for Him in the ministry. You see, so many choices can get you confused as well.

It was a prayer that I haven't heard before. A prayer that says that God will give me something new, new talents and it seems quite odd that I seem to have this sense of recognition of what she was saying... it was as if I already knew that He will do so but I don't know what is it (though I heard it for the first time as well). It was an assurance, deep inside of me and all I need to do is depend on Him and stick close to Him. Slowly, I will understand the Father's heart for me and what He desires for me to do in my life. I really pray and hope so!

My ministry in church... Cell Group Leader & Music Ministry. The thing about music ministry is that I used to serve in dance and keyboardist. Used to be a worship leader as well. I even had the desire to be a worship leader. Again, oddly, I have this thing inside of me that reassures me that God remembered my prayer and my desires before. I had so many desires and passions that I used to have that I really don't know which prayer/desires or passions I had before that He will fullfill in my life.

One thing I learn from that prayer is not to rely on my talents but rather the source, the giver and the maker... the person itself who make it all happen. I am still a bit confused and still searching but I am not giving up, neither am I just standing at the sidelines. I am playing the game as I am searching as well, because I know God doesn't want me to just sit and watch my life pass by while waiting for the revelation of what He wants me to do. Rather go out there and search as well as serve in wherever I am now first.

One thing I learnt today is to be faithful with the lil things that God has given me now. If I can take responsibility of these lil things, God will trust me with other bigger ones later on. Step by step, lil by lil.

Also, one part of the prayer that I'll remembered (from last Sat), that in my journey, I won't have be transformed totally into a better person but lil by lil overcoming the fears I have, dealing with issues and weakness in my life. Also, He will be changing me, taking me step-by-step with Him. I thank God for His patience and His accepting me when I have let Him down so many times. He is my ultimate mentor =) I am thankful that I have such a great God by my side who loves me dearly.