Waiting for a miracle...

I just rededicated my life last Sunday in ACTS church. It was wierd.. I didn't see myself as backslided Christian or anything.. Perhaps, I didn't wanna admit or didn't wanna acknowledge it. Don't get me wrong. It's not that I don't believe in God and Jesus as my Savior or stop having that faith. But I know that I needed something more in life than what I am currently living. I lost the joy in doing the things in my ministry, in studies and seem like almost everything.. life itself. The life inside of me was like... DEAD. Get what I mean?

I need to be excited in my faith, once again. To be excited to want to truly know Him. I lost all those desires. I kinda lost hope in myself in other sense. Perhaps, I stop trusting that He could do anything for me, since I do not seem to be doing anything for myself. Things always seem to be the same... you have that fire in ya burning so passionately and brightly one day, and the next thing you know it's gone. I don't want that in my life anymore. So, tired of going through the same routine.

I need to have more in my life than just a flickering fire within me. I need to have more than what I think there is out there. I need more hope in my life. I need the JOY in me once again. I need a CHANGE in my life... People say, they can see change in themselves and others can see it to when they have Christ in them and they can see Holy Spirit in work. I want that!!! I want to see a change in my perspective, in my heart to desire & be commited to Him and a change in my behavior to be a better person.

I need to believe for myself that there is still hope, that I once used to believe.
I need to know that I am His precious child, that He still loves me & hears my cry.

I waiting for a miracle in my life... I want more than what I am at now...
There's gotta be more in life & a meaning to live.

"God, please send a miracle, open my eyes, ears & heart & help me believe"

Grounded...

Whoa... I haven't been grounded for quiet some time. I remembered that my parents gave me the freedom to choose after I graduated from secondary school because they said I am old enough to make my own judgement & decisions.

Guess what.. I am grounded again! Woohooo! *I know, I'm nuts*

Why am I grounded?

• 'Cuz I handed in my assignment paper last minute (though it was on time)
• 'Cuz I am always late and I never seem to learn from my lesson
• Dad is just waiting for my cell phone bill to get me caught & teach me a lesson

I hope these are the only reasons...

What am I grounded for?

• No friends allowed to come to my place
• Can't go out except for college & CG

How long?

• These two weeks.
  
• Good for me anyway, cuz I am bombarded by assignments & I have exams next week.
• Makes no difference to me. I kinda thank God also! Help me control myself & be more discipline..

Am not complaining...

Different personalities?

My family view me as...
- most irresponsible person
- most worried by them
- spends the most money
- lazy
- indiscipline
- not commited/sensitive enough to home affairs
- always late/last minute
- never learns from one's mistake
- unrealible
- very dependent on them & others


What people view me as...
- Coorperative
- to some people, always on time (transportation)
- committed in work
- hardworking (when they happen to see me do work)
- reliable
- servanthood heart (oh boy... that's where I try to take up every responsiblity I can. Why?)


What I view myself...
- I do not like to spend too much

• but i don't know why my hp bill is increadibly freaking high every month
• Not much of a shopper (only go shopping like 3 times a year or smtng...)
• Probably spend a lot of food
  

- ok.. I am tardy..

• 'cuz there is no reason for me to be early for class
• why? cuz i do not learn anything from there! (wish I can tell my parents that...)
• dread going for class & have to wake up early for useless class

- last minute-ness..

• I thought it was considered better than last time edi

- I can be independant. I really can!

• Went lunch on my own several times before
• At times, I walk ahead of others on my own (does that count?)
• Because I was percieved as dependant, I like to be on my own in college (underlying issue on why I am less sociable there)
• Is that why I try to pick up leadership role in coll (at times) & always eager to serve in ministries? Oh gosh... (something I have to question myself)
  

- I am somewhat irresponsible/unrealible because I forget at times!!!

• That's why, I always ask my friends to remind me, if I need to do something important for them.
• Also, I am considered someone willing to do everything and serve... why? I think I just realized the answer
• I didn't like to be irresponsible, therefore, I try to take up every responsibilities I can in other places (underlying cause... unconcious manifest into conciousness)
  
• By taking up many responsibilities outside, i became less involved at home and even less responsible
  

- I do not need people to be worried about me.

• I am 19 and a half years old, for goodness sake.

- It's not that I don't want to learn from mistakes.

• Think, I don't think about it almost everyday????!!!
• Want me to have another car accident to make me realize & change ah?
• I guess, I just don't think of it enough and put it as a priority to fix all these probs in the first place *sigh*

Note to Liz: CLEAN UP THE MESS IN YOUR LIFE!!!!

Liz: okay... not like I have much of a choice...

Stress-nesss!!!!!

Wahhhh!!! Wanna cry lerrr... feel like running around the field 10 times to relief my stress.. or shouting on top of a mountain. Wahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okie... enough of "wah"-ing. Let's see what do I have to do

12/3 Today : Mock Presentation for Sat & Sociology Quiz (which i haven't studied)
14/3 Fri: Sociology Presentation
15/3 Sat: Research Colloqiuom Presentation
17/3 Mon: Special Project Paper on the "Special Kid's" weekly visit in Ampang
18/3 Fri: Research Paper for Research Methods
Research Paper for Sociology
Peranakan Paper: Food (Meat, Poultry's...)

Week after.... End term from Monday 24th to Wednesday 26th April 2006.

Oh man, I can't wait for all these to be over!!!

Stained Glass Masquerade

Is there anyone that fails?
Is there anyone that falls?
I am the only one in church today
Feeling so small

'Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that i see them

Are we happy plastic people
Under shiney plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pains
But if the invitation's open
That every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who's been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only who's traded
In the alter for a stage

The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay

by Casting Crowns

Reason to Live?

I had a long talk with my best friend today. I missed her so much! We talked for hours about life & things that matters to us. Can't believe we are already 'young ladies'. I love seeing all my friends grow and I'm so glad to hear that she has made so much difference in people's lives... She learnt so much about God, life, relationships etc. I see the radiance in her, though her life wasn't all that good or high. Most of all, I respect her for knowing what she wants in life, knowing what she can achieve and do & make a difference in her life and people around her. She really inspires the gals, the younger ones.. bring them hope and support them in so many ways. She has a reason to live.

When I look back into my life. I feel as if, I am the opposite of her. I am still insecure of what my future will be. I am most of the time confused with my own identity and what I want for myself even. I feel as if there is no reason for me to live. Let's face some facts... I am not much of a person whom "make a difference" wherever I go or whatever I do. I don't do much inspiring cuz I just don't know what to say most of the time, whether advice ppl or make them feel better. The best I can do, "I'll be your friend & will be here" (which sometimes, I get into trouble with as well). hehe I don't know what I want in life.. I don't even know what God wants from me!

Sometimes, I just feel so tired of living. I am not much use in this world anyway. So, wouldn't make much of a difference if I am gone, rite? Why O why, am I here in the first place? I seem to hurt those whom I seem to be making a difference in their lives (at first). So, there's not much of a positive differences there. I don't know what am I doing here. Okay.. besides, serving Him in ministries, worshipping Him and all. What else is there in life for me? Even as a CG leader, I am not an outstanding one. I am supposed to bring change but I am not doing much in CG as well to encourage or bring change.

I wanna live my life with a purpose.. knowing what I have to do & be bold to do it. Perhaps I do know but I swept it under a rug because I was afraid that I wouldn't be strong or courageous enough to be different. Somehow, something inside of me is whispering to my soul, "you can be more than you think you are". Why do I find it hard to believe? Because it doesn't seem evident enough?

Sometimes, just wanna give up ya know. But, I can't yet. There has to be a reason, rite? And I'll never know if I throw my life away. I do wonder if I am gone, what will I be missed for? Will or have I be a good testimony in people's lives? I don't know.. but I sure hope that God will be evident in my life.. cuz I am not living for myself but for Him.. and His Name will be lifted up through the things He did in me (whether with or without my knowledge).

I do hope that... I made a difference in a lil things I do...
Hopefully it'll be a lil more clear to me on why I am still here & learn of the reason to live.

Desperate enough?

Hehaha I may appear as a 'desperado' because of my previous posts. As much as I hate to admit it, if I really do, give a thought about it, perhaps I am. I am so excited to be with my future husband. I really am! I don't know whether I have already met him since a long time ago, just met him or haven't met him yet.

As I wondered to myself about my desperate-ness... I really thought to myself.. how come, I haven't been so excited to meet God that way? How come I can be so desperate to be with someone (whom I may or may not know yet) but not be desperate enough for my God?

This really got me thinking... how do I know if I am desperate for Him? I haven't felt that way in a really long time... Wait, have I ever been desperate for Him? I don't know >_< What I do know is that, I am certainly not desperate enough for Him now.

What comes into my mind when I think about the word desperate?
- longing after... heavily relying on... hanging on tightly?

I frankly think, I am more desperate to be with people than God then. I feel as if I often seem to lose a grip of Him. What can I do, to be desperate for Him, once again? To be excited when I meet Him each day when I wake up... To have the overflowing desire to know Him...?

"O God, I wanna be excited when I see You. I wanna have that longing to really know you as well as understand Ya & be with Ya always... Lord, help me to stay put & hold unto You tightly. Help me to learn that, I need You more than I ever will know. Help me to understand that there is greater love in You than the peeps that I constantly seek for around me. Let my soul thirst for You... I pray, in Jesus Name, Amen."

What kind of girlfriend am I?

You're a Steady Supporter
Stand by your man - that's just something you naturally do. Once you've committed to a relationship, you are constant companion who enjoys the comfort and stability that comes from being a couple. Not quick to judge, accuse, or think the worst, you have a lot to trust (in him & yourself), and you rarely worry about where he is or who he's with.

For you, mutual respect is the utmost importance. You are comfortable & confident in your own skin, making you a great pillar of strength in all your relationships. Whether he is striving to climb up a mountain or land a promotion, you have his back. Best part is, you know he's got yours too!

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?

Brought to you by Tickle

Hehehe, just did this for fun! Cool... but how true it is.. I dunno la! hehehe
But it'll be nice, if i can really be someone stated above when I am in a relationship.
I do want to build my partner up & encourage one another in not just human love, but God's love. I know that I'll give him my support in whatever he does...
Am excited to be with him in the future (whoever he is!) ^_^

Stuck in dreamland

Have you experienced a time whereby, when you were sleeping and you want to wake up, but you just can't. You struggle to open your eyes.. like you just CAN'T open them and in your preconcious state, you keep telling yourself to open them. Then, you can imagine the external view, your surroundings, trying to make your body to wake yourself up, but you just can't?

Ever feel as if you just can't get out of your unconcious/preconcious state? Just stuck there, unable to get up or move yourself at times... struggling.. As though, someone was pushing your body down or someone sitting on you. Your body just felt as though it was pinned on the bed/couch you were sleeping on.

Terrible feeling, rite? After long hours of sleeping, you feel even more tired than before.

Anyone can explain all these to me??? It seems kinda scary. I feel that quite often now. Is it because my body is extremely tireed & crying out for rest? I have been sleeping earlier than before (I think!). Any other explanations?

Felt as if I was in coma... The difference is, in coma, you can't get up for few months or years.
Felt like sleep apnea, but in that state, you are gasping for air & unable to breath at the middle of your sleep.

So, what is it? Does it often happen to you?

Want to listen to the song?

Btw, if you want to know how the song goes...
it's in my Cell Couch's blog.

Visit http://amazing-gracey.blogspot.com/

Listen to the music played in her blog.
Hope you don't mind, Grace!

"I will be here" by Steven Curtis Chapman

I love the song "I will be here" from Steven Curtis Chapman.

Whenever I here this song, I feel like crying.
The song is so meaningful... brings warmth to my heart.
Knowing that... someone truly loves me & willing to be by my side.
No matter what circumstances we're in,
and someone just being able to accept & loves me for who I am...
Just knowing that someone is there walking in life with you,
when no one seems to be there.

Dedication to my future husband, whoever you are :
(and I'm sure, from him to me too)

Tomorrow morning if you wake up
and the sun does not appear
I, I will be here
If in the dark, we lose sight of love
Hold my hand, and have no fear
I, I will be here

# I will be here, when you feel like being quiet,
When you need to speak your mind, I will listen
I will be here, when the laughter turns to cryin'
Through the winning, losing and trying
We'll be together
'Cause I will be here

Tomorrow morning if you wake up
and the future is unclear
I, I will be here
As sure as seasons were made for change
Our lifetime were made for these tears
So, I, I will be here

# I will be here, so you can cry on my shoulder
When the mirror tells us we're older
I will hold you
And I will be here, to watch you grow in beauty,
All tell you all the things, you mean to me
I will be here

B: I will be true, to the promise I have made
To you and to the One, who gave you to me

Just as sure, season were made for change
Our lifetimes were made for these years
So, I, I will be here
We'll be together
'Cause I will be here....


Dear God,
"Thank you, Father Lord, for this reminder as well, that You love me so much and You are always there. Perhaps, I feel like crying because it is so hard to grasp on that thought, that You will be there.. even when I've fell, gone thru mistakes after mistakes in life and ran away from you countless times. Though so, you never failed to assure me, that You are still there, waiting for me to come back into Your loving arms. Remind me of Your love day by day. Help me to understand the love You have for us, Your children. I... wanna love You. Help me love You and in turn, love others around me."

Love,
Your dear child, Liza.


To my dear future husband (whoever you are & if I have one),
Know that I have always loved you. Sorry for the dissapointments & hurt that I have made. I thank you for the times we've shared. Thank you for letting me into your life and giving me a chance to walk with you through the remaining days of our lives. I know that I've never regretted it when I said "I do". Thank you for keeping me pure. Even if we had fell into tempations before marriage, I know that with God by our side, we have overcome it... and our purity would be restored. Know that... as the seasons may change in our lives, even when it may seem as though our love have grown cold, know that I still love you & I want continue to be with you. Remember this song, my love. A promise we've made for each other.

Yours dearly, Lizzie.

Lost for Words

I'm lost for words...
words that may have been kept deep inside of me.

Will be back

I have so many things I want to share but can't seem to find the time to type it all down.
All I have to say for now is - "I'll be back".

Friends... What happened to them?

I realized that I have been spending so much time being busy with my ministries and with my work that I do not have the time to connect with the people around me. It's kinda sad that I feel disconnected at times with my own peers and group of friends. Ones we were so carefree, we can talk about anything, anyhow but now, I often rush in and out and I don't really have the time to really sit down and talk to the people I really care as well as the people that seem close to me before.

Sometimes, it's not just the many things you have to do that takes your time. It is the aftermath of it as well. You'll feel extremely tired.. physically, mentally and all. You'll feel drained out after it all. Therefore, it seem as if you have no time for anything else cuz all you just want do is to REST!

I guess that is why now, I feel so disconnected from the ones I was close to before. I still am really grateful for the ones who stick close and check up on me continuously. I mean, not just talking about work related business kinda thing or surface level of myself but more on the personal level. I really appreciate the effort of those who really encourages me and wanna take a deeper look into my life. At the same time, the person gives me space to breathe. That is how relationships or true friendships works.

I guess, I also have to learn to take the effort. People should know that I am not much of a conversationalist. If one guides me to talk, and we talk about something that I can share and relate about, I can too... if not, i really don't have much to talk about but I really am able to be interested in what you have to say. So, you don't have to be afraid that I am uninterested or I feel bored. Reality is... no, I don't feel bored in what you have to say. I can have fun just by listening. Unless rite, you talk about the same topic repeatedly, whenever we hang out and all... (eg. computer games). In the first place, it is not nice to talk about something on and on, if the person doesn't understand or unable to relate to the topic and esp when you know they are uninterested in the topic.

I can be friendly and try to initiate conversations the first time ya know me and all. But I learn that I don't have to be not myself... get it? Meaning, I can try all I want to be a conversationalist but when I really don't have much to talk about or really don't feel like making a conversation, I don't have to force myself to do so. Of course, I would like to at least make the effort and try la. It's not so good if people thinks that the friendship they have with me is just one-way relationship.

The irony is... sometimes people expect me to do something about the friendship when I don't think they really done much about it either. Seriously! and that really got me thinking, why the heck do I need to bother so much or why do I always have to be the first one who give it a push/initiate/reconcile. Perhaps the expectations of the friendship is different. Like I would like the person to be more (...A...) and the person would like me to be more (...B...). So, there is no shared realities and we think as if, the person is not putting in effort in the friendship as they should be, when they do put effort in it.. just not the kind that we want.

I guess, we just need to learn to understand one another & how each other works. I've been a busy person, but that doesn't mean that I do not care about my friends. I really do. I miss them. I know that I have to do my part of the friendship... but I also hope that it works both ways as well.

Know this... I am not an all rounder. I need my space, I need time for myself. I also need to be cared for and I want to care for my friends as well. I am just human... like anyone of you.

Vday aka. Fday

Blessed Valentine's Day!
For the singles 'n my dear friends, Blessed Friendship Day!

I had a great time yesterday. No, not because I went out for a hot date. Actually, I went out for a few dates! hehehe jk jk. Nah, just hanging out with some of my friends from different places. I am glad that we got to spend the time together.


Breakfast
Makan with 2 of my college mates. I couldn't eat much as I was trying to get rid of my phlagm. Not much appetite these days, as a result of my flu. Unable to taste much.


Lunch (most memorable)
5 of us went for an expensive makan in Tmn Tun. The place ah... only age 18 & above can enter 'cuz they have alcoholic drinks. No.. it's not like a pub or club. The place is a bit like "Chilli's" or "TGF". The place was kinda empty though. Good also la.. we made so much noise. At least, we know we didn't disturb any couples 'romantic-ing' there.

There were Pui Fun, Sue Wern, Andrew Tan, Lemuel & myself. We just chatted a lot & kacau one another. It's amazing indeed how God brought all of us together. I never thought that the trio "us keyboardist gang" can be sooo close-knit. I continue to thank God for having these people in my life. When we are together, we really bond, encourage & keep one another accountable in our spiritual lives & the things we do in life as well.

Well, we do a lil bullying one another as well *smack* Yeah, we had our makans & our laughs. I think for the first time in a group, all of us actually spent RM150 (most of us are students) for our lunch. That's why I told you edi.. the place is very X! *expensive*


Dinner
My original dinner plan was cancelled because there were too few of us & some other reasons as well. I actually planned to 'dress up' for the first time, since we may have went to another classy place to eat. Someone suggested a steakhouse - the "Ship"!!! Wow! I'll only dress up in one condition... if another one of my gal friend dresses up too. And when I say dress up, means where a skirt or dress la.. Which I do not usually wear them *wonder why I bought skirts, in the first place*.

You see, I feel very comfortable with my jeans wherever I go. And I think no one else in church or anywhere else have seen me wore a dress or skirt before, except for special occasions like wedding dinner or prom. So yeah. It was one of my crazy ideas that nite. Since, that plan was cancelled, I didn't need to worry about feeling really *malu* wearing a skirt =P seriously, I'll feel very embarressed! But of course, once in a while, I would like to at least use the skirt that has been kept for year in my cupboard (collecting dust)- i did use it last year for a wedding =P. Okie, perhaps once a year I manage to use it.

Then, another group of friends had plans to go for 'couple hunting' during dinner. I have no idea where they get that kind of idea. Maybe of those peeps (the guys came up with it) are quite desperate during Vday!! *jk, jk* heheh sorry ah.. kacau those peeps only* At the end, we didn't do that. We ate at Williams!!! Hehehe Not bad eh. The place is good! You have variety of food to pick from & it's considered cheap! You can get some of the food that are provided in some of those Western food or Itallian food places. Some peeps even said that Williams is much better than those expensive places.

One of my friend kept shooting pictures in Williams. Now, I know why!!! Look at http://danielk.blogdrive.com . Yeah.. there were mainly guys there & another gal. I wasn't that close to many of them eventhough they were from DJ school. I only know peeps like Brian, Alex 'n Daniel well. Pretty funny conversations, they had. I realize the way I kacau my friends and the way they kacau each other were different. But, it's great to see secondary school friends come back to meet each other & spend some time just crapping around as well as do some catching up- updated news on what's been happening.


Well, that was my day. I really enjoyed myself. I am glad that I was able to spend time with some of my friends. Oh before that, wanna show you... this is my bear bear! Thanks 'di' for the my friendship day gift & farewell gift *he thought I was leaving this mid-year*. Actually who knows... plans change... I may or may not be leaving this year.

Missing You

Missing my friends who are leaving to Aussie
Missing those who have already left before

Missing my friends who are still here but unseen
Missing also the ones who are here but not as close as before

Missing the times we've shared together
Missing the times we've poured our hearts out

Missing the times we've hang out
Missing the times we've laughed & cried

Missing the times we'll make it through the day
Missing the times we'd hoped it'll never end

Missing the memories we had
Wondering why it can't seem to last

Why we can't be the same as before?
The times when we cared for one another more

When we were younger and still innocent
We promised each other that we'd be "friends forever"

Why is it so hard to hold unto the promise that we had?
Why do you have to be gone so soon?

Missing ya dearly my friend,
Not just one but those who made a difference in my life.

Sloth

I feel like a sloth bear.
You know that bear that is known to be lazy... That's me...
Not too sure which bear?
Imagine the bear from the "Ice Age" movie.

Actually, I find the sloth in the movie an 'overactive' animal.
He talks way a lot & jumps A LOT!
He has this exceptionally BIG eyes esp when he's excited

However, still an unsual active sloth
I think he has ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder).

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that
I've been trying to train myself to sleep early
I've also found out that I now am accustomed to afternoon naps
LONG ONES! too long for my own good
Especially now when I have an assignment that needs to be handed up next Mon
I seem to be taking my sweet time finishing it

I more often give priority to my sleep now than what I'm suppose to be doing
Afraid that I can't stay awake in class
Again, my last minute-ness has caught up with me
Argh! what am I to do?

Well, I am rest assured that I am not the only one
Because it seem that most of my classmates haven't started yet as well
Hooray! I thought for a moment and was a bit relieved
But it doesn't take away the fact that I need it done in 2 days time ><

No time to lose,
I've done my research but still have my textbook to read
Have to get this done ASAP
Wish me for the best that I can't seem to see

Good or bad?

In CG (Nov)
(2-3 months haven't seen the cell member)

Person A: Eh, Liz. You look a bit different ah... why ah? Did you do anything different?
Me: eerrrr... no woh. What is different?
Person A: Oh I know! Your face looks a bit rounder.
Me: ><

Meet up for dinner with relatives (Jan)
Person B: Eh, you put on weight edi woh. Looks better!
Me: hehe *laughs a lil*

Chinese New Year
(ex neighbour in Seksyen 17.. haven't seen for a year or 2... or more?)

Person C: Wah, Liza! So big edi! Put own weight already.
Me: *blush* nods*

Afrer Delirious Concert
(bestfriend.. haven't seen her for almost half a year... last saw her in Dec '05)

Person D: Gal ah.... you look chubbier ler.
Me: Oh, really ah... good or bad ah?


In conclusion, I've put on weight. My face looks rounder & I am chubbier than before (I don't know how to measure how chubby I have become, though). I still eat a lot & I think I better cool it off with the food =P In Aus, we have bigger servings of food. Hopefully, I do more exercise there than here. Then, I can still eat a lot & stay fit, healthy & perhaps be reasonable in my size.

Reunions

Blessed Chinese New Year, everyone!

It's the time of the year again... Family reuniouns, a lot of munching on delicious food, playing games with cousins & all that.

You see, though my relatives are considered nearby (we all live in PJ), if I am not mistaken, we only see each other during 3 occasions. Chinese New Year, Full Moon & one of the Chinese festivals (not too sure what is it called.. something like New Year as well.. i think..oh well).

Most of my relatives aren't Christian & ya know, church always reminds us to take the oppurtunity to share the good news to them. It is pretty hard for me. I invited my cousins (the same age ones) before to some Christian concerts, they've never been able to join in. The others are much older than me. Some married! One of my cousins (christian) married a pastor and they had kids!! *sooo cuteeee!*

Anyway, I have been thinking.. I haven't really done much or prayed much for my relatives salvation. Although, I am not close to them, I should at least pray for them, right? I don't want to imagine the consequences they have to face or I have to face for not doing anything at all.. and just standing... watching... it's not even waiting for something to happen yet. If I pray and wait... den it ain't that bad.. but if I didn't do anything at all, what am I waiting for?

One thing really good is that, because they know that I stopped gambling, they too respected my bro & I, and we do still play card games like "cho tai ti" without gambling. It's really cool! I get to play and not gamble! Woohooo! Also, it's fun that everyone gets to play and still be happy playing together without the need of gambling. Don't ya think so?

I guess, the thing about gambling is... if you do it for fun & in small amounts, I guess it's still kinda ok. The thing scary about gambling is that greed can overpower a person & we base on luck to wanna win more & more for ourselves... If small amounts, can even spark that greed in ya, why start it anyway? Get it? But if you feel it doesn't matter if u win or lose, just a game & a time of 'fellowship' then it's okay. Anyway, if you wanna have some fun, why do we need money to add in the fun? The competition?

Well, gotta log off now. Lunch at cousin's place. So, I guess, what I learnt is that... I neeeddd to pray for my relatives. I still care for them and love them though I am not close to them. Somehow, someway, may God open up their hearts to His message & may it be relevant in their lives.

Blur Queen

I was sooooo sure that my class was at 12p.m.
The info has locked in my mind... 12pm, 12pm, 12pm on Thurs
Waiting for 11.30am's transport to come & pick me up.
But I thought to myself...isn't it an hour & a half class today?
So it ends at 1.30pm? Hmmm.. strange timing.
So, I opened my file...
Thought it was better to check my scheduele again...
Whether it was a 2 hour class or just and hour and a half
*CRAP*

My class is actually from 10am to 11.30am!
*MY GOSH!!!!!*
My class has already started!
Guess what time I checked the schedule?
10.45a.m.

As my friend said, I am the champion of all blurness.

How to live your life 101??!!!

I feel as if people are telling me on how to live my life...
They are like giving me a course of it...
"How to live your life 101"
Argh!!! It's so frustrating at times!

Okay.. I don't blame them.. I know that I can be a wreck!
*ok maybe I am overexaggerating*
I know that I am not organized, irresponsible, independent & all sort.
Even good qualities like.. nice-ness, sweetness & friendliness can be a problem to some extend.
Well, too much of those can 'cause others to be sick. Maybe it's a good thing.. hmmm...

Please forgive me.. but I am just feeling quite sucky at the moment.
So, just give me space & allow me to express myself outwardly...
I am only human!!! I have my own weakness!!! Helloooooo!!! I'm not perfect you know!!!
*phew* okie.. that feels slightly better.

I am wondering.. is it that ppl try to "perfect-ized" (*is there even such a word?*) me
Or am i trying too hard to be perfect?
Perhaps I am trying too hard.

I don't blame others who want to correct me & teach me.
I do wanna be a better person.
What I hate most is those who think that I'll can never change.. and be from what I am. Obviously, it takes time & lotsa patients because I won't be able to correct all at once!
And its a life process you know! it's never instant!
It takes years to mould someone esp from their old habit.
You want instant too bad for ya! well, too bad for me too! >_<

I know.. they are doing it for my best & want me to be a better person.
I am still so far on being the standard of what God would have want us to live...
I thank God for His grace and mercy upon me anyway
Also, His willingless to accept me... even this way.

I guess I just need some time out.
I get so uptight easily and stressed out, frustrated perhaps because...
my body is tired, I don't have much rest
*at times, I don't want to, i don't know whats wrong with me*
I don't seem to have the time to think & reflect.
*even of I do, I'm the kind of person who don't like to think so much.. cuz it can cause me to dwell in my past, guilts & shames *yada yada*

Sometimes, I just wanna stop being a better person because it's just not good enough...
and being a goody person at times even get critisized and shot down.
*sigh*

Even as I feel all this... I do know that many times, I am in the wrong position.
I recognize that pretty well..
However, I wanna push my responsibility of my actions, it'll still come back to me..
So... I guess at the end of the day... why not, just persevere through all this...
Though it's stuff that I don't wanna hear.. and things that is not so pleasing to the ear.
Why not, still be a better person, though it's tough to struggle through?
'cuz at the end of the day... i guess, it'll be all worth it..
because we will be moulded to what He wants us to be.

Even if others are not proud of me..
Even if ppl don't know that I am trying... because it doesn't seem too be so...
I know that at least, He sees my heart... He knows how I feel & my every weakness...
and... perhaps.. I know that He can one day be proud of me.. for trying my best & struggling it through with perseverance...
Because I've done my best to live...

Just tired....

Physically weak
Mentally tired
Emotionally down & unstable
Self esteem kinda severed
Spiritually searching...

What to expect?

Still feeling the dizziness from the plane & rides in Aus, but it's okay.
My body feels really tired... Wish I would a few more days of hols to rest.
Wonder what I did during the hols...
I know that I have been in & out the house so often,
and lack of rest I've recieved.

Semester has already started. I've missed out a week of it...
Am afraid that I'll be really blur in the class (esp the ones which none of my friends are in it).
No books and nothing to prepare myself with
Except a few pieces of paper I can bring & my pencil box.
It's feels kinda wierd to be back again... was kinda excited a few weeks ago.
Now, it seems that all my excitement for many things have all gone.

Wonder what can I expect from my classes this sem.
I still remember the 'Heartcore' camp message.
To start making a different by praying for our classes, lecturers, college & uni.
That's how we start it off, a prayer such as this,
To spark hope and concern as well as a caring heart towards our study place.

My aim for this year,
Is to do my best in all the things I do.
In my studies, I shall excel,
In my CG, I shall guide His people,
In my dance, I shall express my all,
In playing the notes on my keyboard, I shall practice & learn,
And put my fullest potential in all of them.

Just wanna breakaway...

I wanna feel the wind as it genty touches my face,
And blow my tears away,
An assurance that everything will be alright,
And the warmth of being loved for who I am.

Wanna hide in the arms of an angel,
And away from everything else in the world,
Away from the noises and the harsh whispers in my ears,
Yet seeking in silence for just one that could hear my cries.

Waiting for a sign each day,
Wondering whether it'll ever come,
Hoping that it'll be worth while,
Keeping awake so that I won't miss it out.

Why Oh why, I wonder to myself,
Do I have to feel this way?
Why does it have to hurt so much?
Having so many things still unexplained.

I wish upon a starry nite,
and pray that I will be able to hear those words...

"You may not see me but I'm still here",
"You may not hear me but I'll still speak to you",
"You may not feel me but I'll still touch you",
"You may not love me but I'll still love you".

A love so true, no one could comprehend it.
A love so pure, no one could explain it.

"I hear your cries, I hear your pains",
"I see your weaknesses, I see your shames",
"I know your wants and your every need",
"Know that I'm here & always will be"

Stars above... though they're not shining,
They are always there though they look like hiding,
You certainly can't touch them for they're high above,
But they are still there... unseen by us.

Not a traveller!

Hiya peeps, I am blogging from Sydney. For those who don't know, I am here for a family trip, for about a week ^_^

Just wanted to post something short.... so, don't worry. Just sit back & relax.

What I like about travelling:
1) Get to see new places, explore places

2) Get to see all kinds of soveniers & buy them

3) All de scenic places are really beautiful *especially the sea 'n beach here... so clean & clear!*

4) we can take lotsa travelling pics ^^

5) Experience different season
*like in Aussie, you won't sweat even when it's summer! but u'll get sunburn* I need a tan anyway* =P It's windy here too*


What I dislike about travelling:
1) Travel sickness: car, on air, on water
*bumpy roads, winding roads.... arghhhh!!!*

2) You can hardly find any place to eat out here!!! I'm not even asking for mamak! During day time it's hard to find for a place to eat! *seriously!!!*

3) Jet Lag: It's way early to go to sleep, way early to get up to travel around!
*3 hours ahead of M'sia*

4) The scenic places look all the same.. just from different angles perhaps
*can get pretty boring*

5) Different temperature... unstable..
*It can be really sunny, then it the sun light goes dim for a few secs.. den comes back scorching hot again.... *wahliao!* and it can be pretty windy during the summer*


That's all i can think of blogging now. it's already almost 12am here. Take care, peeps! Laterz!


Signing off from Sydney, Australia.

This year... 3 words...

Apart from loving ;)

Focus, Responsibility & Purity

Loving You

Blessed New Year to all!
I guess as every year, many others & I myself would like to accomplish somethings before the year ends...

My worship leader asked us, what is our New Year resolution... I wasn't sure what to answer at first because I always break or fail to accomplish my NY's resolutions (esp doing it consistently). My even friend put this up in his MSN, "This year I resolve to never make any new year's resolutions again". But I learn something important from the daily devotion I started reading 2 week ago.

We always make NY's resolution, we keep recommitting ourselves & make promises that we'll try do better and harder this year. Nuthin wrong with that. Seriously. If we can, it'll be good and we all need direction in life.. We need a vision. Without it, we would be running aimlessly in our lives. But in the book, the author also stated something that captured my attention. "If your resolve to obey God last year did not help you to be faithful, it will not make you sucessful this year", cited by Henry T. Blackaby & ricahrd Blackaby. I wouldn't take that word as an absolute but in some measure, it does make sense. That doesn't mean that we should totally give up on trying to obey Him and all. Perhaps, there is something else that God wants us to focus on...

Jesus, asked Peter for love. "Do you love me?" I guess it makes it easier for everything to fall into place if we truly love him- obedience (Jn 14:15), service, commitment, faithfulness will all come together.

But how do we love this God that we can't see? How do we reach out to this invisible God? Of course, it wouldn't be easy as it is. We may fumble & doubt at times. It's part of growing in this relationship with our Father. I mean, in a dating relationship for instance, wouldn't you have some sort of problems along the way? From time to time, wouldn't there be a sense of doubt in the person especially when you 2 have fought? It is indeed, very hard to cultivate a relationship with this God, unless you truly believe that He exist by faith & also understand why you believe so.

There would be questions unanswered about God, faith & the things that He has made. So many things we can't truly weigh whether it's right or the wrong or what should we do in certain situations. Our understanding is so little compared to God. We can't comprehend the answers to all the questions, what He has planned for all of us, why He do the things He does... You know what? Get used to the questions in your head. At times, there is just no ONE answer that you can depend on but many possibilities to the answer. If we know all the answers to the questions, God wouldn't be God... We could be gods instead...

"Loving You, O God.. can be the hardest thing to do. But I pray that somehow, someway, You reaffirm us of Your love and help us to learn to love you more and may all the rest- obedience, faithfulness, service & may everything else fall into place. Because if my focus is in You, I know that You would slowly guide me to places I never would expect, and also I am able to accomplish what You want in my life... Your will, instead of mine. I know that sometimes you have to break us, to turn to you, listen to what You have to say & be clear on what You want us to do & do be. Through brokenness, we are able to see healing on the way. We are able to see many great things, if we humble ourselves down to You & see it all in Your eyes instead of ours. I pray that You would help me & others who face the same problem of truly putting the fullest faith in You or have the difficulty or reaching & loving You... to make this relationship really work & sustain it. I pray that You would keep us in touch with You, though it is our choice to do so, Lord, I pray that You would not lose touch with us. Help me... to love You more & more... Jesus Name, Amen."

Reminder...

"Love of God surpasses all human's love"

Chrismassy Spirit?

This year's Christmas is rather different than the previous years.

1) It is much quieter... because many of our relatives or perhaps close friends are not around to spend Christmas together. As a result, many may feel alone this Christmas. This is because it is said that you have to spend Christmas with the people you love, with the people close to ya...

So, does that mean that Christmas is nuthin without people? It sure feels that way. But what bout our communion with our Heavenly Father? Instead of the communion with peeps in the world?


2) Also, I realize that Christmas is not about presents... I remembered those times I put so much effort in making my friends gifts (cookies, bookmarks...). This year, it just didn't really matter as much as it did. I didn't have much time or even put my mind in making prezzies.

Don't get me wrong, I do love making & giving out of joy in my heart. I like to see people smile because they are being thought of & appreciated. Just that, in this fast-pace society & busyness in the world, we tend to forget what we really want to do & achieve in life at times. I did, prepare a few prezzies for my leaders to appreciate them & a just few of my friends. *I can count them with my fingers* I remembered last time I make sooo many.. as if I am santa clause.


3) Unlike the song...

"Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
have a yuletide gay,
from now on, our troubles will be miles away..."

You realize that there are still people who struggle to live, that problems are still nearby though it's Christmas time... There are people who live elsewhere in the streets & have to struggle through the cold & windy night... Christians who knows God but feels as if He is just no where near... how bout those who doesn't know the true meaning of Christmas?

Then again, it's all in the person's perspective & view of life. Some people may live in such conditions and yet celebrate Christmas because they appreciate the little things in life... such as the air they breathe, a place to stay (though it may be on the streets...), food on the table for families or that they even have families at all & friends. We should all reflect back & be thankful for all the things that God has provided for us, inspite of the screw ups & the troubles that come our way. That makes our troubles less burdening because we focus more on being thankful from the bottom of our hearts as well as hope from God instead.

But, don't you agree it is sooo hard to put your mind to it? To think of positive thoughts when negative events strikes us?


4) Christmas is always focused on evangelistic events. Always focused on non-Christians. How bout us Christians? Did we forget the reason we celebrate Christmas? Is it all about the evangelism project & we forget the real reason ourselves? We can still celebrate without needing to make it as an evangelistive event. We still can enjoy ourselves with our fellow brothers & sisters & together share the spirit of Christmas. If we ourselves, can't enjoy Christmas or perhaps find it a burden because of the preparation we need to make and often fret that our friends can't make it for the party, how can others see the true Christmas in us? It's not wrong of course to invite non-Christians, of course. God will give oppurtunities & open doors. But, the spark of Christmas have to start from us.

That's what I learnt about Christmas this year.

We Are The Reason

As little children
We would dream of Christmas morn,
Of all the gifts & toys
We knew we'd find
But we never realized
A baby born one blessed night
Gave us the greatest gift of our lives

# We were the reason that He gave His life
We were the reason that He suffered & died
To the world that was lost He gave all He could give
To show us the reason to live.

As the years went by,
we learnt more about gifts
The giving of ourselves
And what that means
On a dark & coudy day
A man hung crying in the rain
Because of love, because of love.

Bridge: I've finally found the reason for living
It's in giving every part of my heart to Him
In all that I do, every word that I say
I'll be giving my all just for Him, for Him

2# We are the reason that He gave His life
We are the reason that He suffered & died
To the world that was lost
He gave all He could give
To show us the reason to live

He is my reason to live

Suicidal Rides!!!

20th Dec 2005
I went for a field trip with some of my college mates to GENTING HIGHLANDS! *Yahoooo!* At first I was really reluctant to go as one of my friend can't make it & I am not so keen on riding any of the rides there. It'll be a waste if I pay the money, go for it & get sick after going for the rides there *I get motion sickness very easily, you see*. I was so so so afraid. In my mindset, if that friend was there, at least he knows how to handle me when I am sick and my parents really trust him kinda thing. When my dad heard that he is not going & only 4 of us are going (2 guys & 2 gals), he sounded a bit worried. Well, that's because my dad don't really know them except my other girl friend who is going with me. Actually, I am really surprised that they allowed me to go to Genting with my friends, without any adult supervision, in the first place! Hehehahaha I'm actually old enough to go to places on my own with my friends!! Well, it's not like total freedom yet. But, soon I'll really be on my own. Though my friend couldn't make it cuz he had fever, I decided to go anyway since I've promised my friends that I'll make it... and I can't leave my poor girl friend alone. Anyway, there were 3 rides we sat for at the outdoor themepark & we also went for the indoor activities. Since, Dec is a peak season, there was a really LOOONNGG~ queue for each game. We have to wait at least 45 minutes to actually get to ride on it. We went for the "CORKSCREW" rollercoaster ride, "SPACE SHOT" & "SPACE ADVENTURE".

"CORKSCREW" It was my first time sitting on the rollercoaster with 360 degrees turn (TWICE!). I didn't think it was that bad. It looked pretty tame. Boy, I was wrong! It was fast & furious! The 360 degrees turnings weren't as fast as we thought it would be. It was much much scarier. My friends & I screamed out lungs out! Now, we know why other people scream so much when they go for these kinda rides. We thought they were either screaming for fun or the image of fear is all in the mind. I can still feel the adrenaline rush till this day >_<

"SPACE SHOT" This is a scary ride! I was so afraid to get on it. Before it even started, I was kicking my legs like a kid, who is so afraid & doesn't wanna be near this thing *well, I sat on it edi, so, I can't really escape*. I remember telling my friends, "sssccarrreeddddd laaaa~" & I was about to go nuts. When it started to move up... I was so afraid... It was sooo misty up there. "Don't look down" I reminded myself again & again. Well, I can't see anything anyway. I heard my friend said "Crap, it's so high!!!". I quickly closed my eyes when we reached the top... Then, unexpectedly, the machine pull us all the way dooooowwwnnnn. I SCREAAAMMMEDDD, but it only lasted a few seconds. My voice felt as if it was stuck in my throat and it wouldn't come out. I was so afraid. It stopped midway & slowly brought us down... When it was coming down, I opened my eyes... Then, i started being afraid again, shouting "it's sooo highhh!!" I felt as if I was a small kid about to cry! My friends had to cool me down & told me "Chill girl, we are reaching the ground already". I opened my eyes, there were tears collected near my eyes. I don't know whether to laugh or to cry!!! It wassss a scaaarry experienceee! My friends made sure that I was okie and then we had a good laugh about the ride. As you can guess, we laughed about my expression as well.

I told my friends "I am neverrr gonna sit all these rides again. Perhaps in 20 years later" =P

The 3rd ride was a family ride. We didn't know what this ride was about & I was hoping that it's not something scary or thrill rides because we just ate our lunch! * we don't want to waste our food & vomit it all out* Oh, did I tell you that it rained really heavily that afternoon in Genting? It wasss so so cold! It started right after the 2nd ride "Space shot". Anyway, the 3rd ride, space adventure was more of a kid's ride. Nothin much involved there.

After that, we went into Indoors to the First World Plaza. It was beautiful! Sorry, I don't have pics for this. We went for the "Haunted Adventure" & "Ripley's Believe It a Not" museum.
The 'Haunted Adventure' was pretty creepy. They have figurines and machine-like ghosts that scares the crap out of you. In addition to that, there are real people which play the rold as the ghosts, zombies and stuff like that. Trying to grab hold of ya. They make lotsa loud banging sounds as well. My friend & I were holding unto each other when we went through the "haunted house". We really wonder to ourselves... why are we so scared? After all, we know that none of this are real (as in it's figurines, actor & actresses). Plus, we are Christians. We know that evil spirits & all exist but we shouldn't be afraid because we have a God so BIG, by our side. This really taught me that, as humans, we really don't wanna toy with this spiritual beings & going through this, really made us feel extremely uncomfortable. I guess, people go for the thrills, ya know. It kept me thinking... how strong is my faith in God? That He will protect me & provide a way out, especially if I have to face these demons one day...
'Ripley's Believe It a Not' museum is soooo cool! We see the things that we have never seen before that actually exist in this world. Some of it are pretty wierd!!! Seriously. It's worth every penny... I've never been so amused in a museum before... reading the descriptions & looking intently at the objects as well as pictures on each walls in the museum. It is increadible! Almost out of the world! It made me realize how creative our God is, as He designed everything & everyone. Some are out of our own minds & imagination!

Well, that's it for today... That's my adventure in Genting Highlands Themepark! Before you go, I thought of showing you all this pic, we found in the museum! So cool, cute & amusing!

Happiness...

Is happiness just a feeling or can one choose to be happy?
Can it last or would you have to make it last yourself?

Is happiness more important than commitment?
What if one can't find happiness in a commitment made?

Will one have to sacrifice own happiness for a commitment?
Or will the sacrifice be worth it because there is a glimpse of hope that
one will be able to be happy later or even choose to be happy

Is happiness just an emotion...?
I guess it's quite subjective to many people.
Do share your opinions ^_^

The Day I was Born

12/12/1986 was the day I was born.

In this present time, 12/12/2005, 19 years old...

I was so happy that I got to celebrate my birthday here in M'sia with my family & friends. I've been celebrating my birthday overseas for the past 2 years or so, as my family & I usually travel in the month of December. I am overjoyed that I am given the oppurtunity to celebrate my special day here before I leave to Aussie to further my studies.

1. 9th Dec '05 - I was suppose to bring a cake to my ADP Ball to celebrate the rest of my friend's birthday as well, but it wasn't successful because I didn't have transport to get it & also I was rush to the ball. I was really surprised when later, my collegemates bought a cake from the hotel instead to celebrate our birthdays. It was pretty funny. They couldn't sing the birthday song for us, as there were performances on stage. So, quietly in our table, they lit the candle & asked us to make a wish, in the midst of the performances. So, 4 of us did & then we blew the lit candle ^_^ It was great I tell you, with the background music & celebration of our birthdays quietly without bothering anyone else in the ball.

2. 10th Dec '05 - I got to celebrate my birthday in Malacca with my fellow worshippers ^_^ Again, I am touched and they actually know my birthdate. Was so so happy! Should see my pictures =P They surprised us with the cake at night but ate the cake the next morning as we were too full from dinner. So, the next day only we cut the cake. Heheh delayed some time.

3. 11th Dec '05 - A close friend of mine came over to spend time with me before my birthday until my birthday itself. We didn't do anything much but I was really happy that someone is willing to spend the time with me. Well, I think we basically watched some Korean series the whole nite. Oh, I was asked to dance as well! It was pretty funny because we didn't know how to do it in the first place. I guess, you just go... left right, left right.. round 'n round. Correct ah?

4. 12th Dec '05 - I was quite sad at first because there weren't much plans for that day. Actually, there were, but it wasn't confirmed. So, I thought perhaps it was cancelled or something. The whole afternoon I was with my parents... It was a DRAGGY afternoon. They looked at cameras for hours & only started eating lunch late in the afternoon. After that my friend asked me out for dinner. It was a postponed dinner from the night before, but it was ok. So, a bunch of them took me out for dinner at 1Utama Shakeys!

6.30pm : There were about 8 of us. When I took out my wallet to offer to pay because it was my birthday, they shove it into my pocket again >_< face="trebuchet ms">The 5 of us were sitting in Shakeys, waiting for them & crapping away. Then, when i turned my head & looked towards the corridor. I saw those 3 fellas running across the corridor. Not once but TWICE! heahahah *caught them in action* There was a great scenary outside of the pizza place & so I went out there to chill for a while. Also, my friend & I crossed the bridge to the kid's playground section. I love that place. After a while, a few of them suddenly walked to the bridge & surprised me with a piece of banana chocolate cake. It was my favourite!!! Wah!!! ^_^ I was overjoyed... the funny part was, before I got to blow the candle out, it was light was already gone! *teehee*I wondered when I was breathing & sucking for oxygen, I also sucked in the flame. I had the cake for myself! heahahaha though it was just 1 piece, it was quite a lot for me to finish it on my own. I really had fun~!

11pm : Later, that night, I went out supper with another bunch of friends of mine - schoolmates from high school. They wanted to meet me for supper. I got to found out later that they actually wanted to surprise me during dinner but I chose to go out with this other group of friends of mine instead. The reason was because it was a postponed appointment. Since, I've already spent time with my close friend the night before, I thought perhaps, I'll spent time with my church mates instead for dinner. Anywayz, 4 of us just talked and ate supper. The whole surprising thing happened when I reached my friend's car. They took out thier water guns! I thought to myself "CRAP!" I totally forgotten our tradition & actually let my guard down! The tradition was that if it's my birthday or any of our friend's birthday, I'll always be shot with it.

My gosh, I was running around like a squirrel at the parking lot, screaming & hiding. Finally, locked myself in my friend's car. It didn't work, as he had the car keys! >_< Well, I got wet eventually. As you know the law of gravity, what comes up, have to come down. At least I got a free bathe... at the side of the road & my they washed my hair too! Exciting eh? =P Wonder what they put into the water... I hope it's not pee or anything like dat *my friend did go into the bathroom before that* YUCK! cuz my hair was itching a lot after that. Anyhow, I really enjoyed myself because this is how we bond together.. my friends & I!

5. 13th Dec '05 - I had dinner with my family! Japanese food! Yey! I hope we did more than just having dinner. Like watch movie together or play games, but my mum is pretty busy with her assignments lately. So, perhaps another time ;) I was suppose to go out with a friend to watch a movie but it was cancelled 'cuz I confirmed late & for some other reason. I guess, it just ended there. I didn't quite explain myself to my friend but I did apologize.

It was a great year of celebration ^_^ Though there were a few problems here & there.. it's okie. I am thankful & truly appreciate those who smsed me to wish me. Those who are close to me and those whom I haven't seen or heard from for months! Thank you all! =) Thanks for making this birthday happen for me! I really feel special & loved by you peeps.

Cuti-cuti Malaysia

I went for a retreat with my worship team last weekend to Malacca. I'm a Malaysian, yet it was my first time visiting the historical places. Malaysia started off in Malacca *correct rite?* =P As you can see, I can't even remember much on the history of M'sia. Terrible me...

Anywayz, we had loads of fun there. The only thing that I was worried was the food there. I had a bad experience in Malacca when I was younger because I had food alergy. As a result of that, I am extra careful when it comes to ordering food and eating them. Oh, do you know that Malacca's food is way cheaper than KL's food? We were so surprised with the price there. Unfortunately, one of our members actually commented too loudly, until the owner of the mamak stall heard it as well *haha* =P And so, my leader quickly rectify the situation by telling the owner that the price was REASONABLE (cheap sounds quite insulting, you see).

In this retreat I got to know my group of youth worship team well. We call ourselves FLARE by the way. I can tell you... they are super siao!!! *means crazy in S'porean term* They can be increadibly noisy and they are as playful as kids. SERIOUS! Oh, not to mention, they all LOVE food! heheheh =P yeah... I guess that's what you call a true Malaysian. It's great that I was able to see like the 'true' side of them and also, we had this session whereby, we shared our 'timeline' as in, sharing about our lives within that 19 years? (well for me la.. the rest may be longer cuz they are older) & what event played a significant roles in our lives. Listening to them telling their stories help us understand each other better as we know where the person come from & how he or she was brought up. We see how different people become who they are now because of experiences and the environment they were or are living in now.

By the way, we prepared our own breakfast. As some of you may know, I don't usually prepare my own food. I am learning now though.. and I gotta admit, though it's kinda tiresome, it is kinda fun as well.. especially when you have peeps doing it with ya. We created this sandwich.. which only cost us 17 bucks for the whole thing (inc. bread, butter, mayonise...) I don't have the pics now, but I'll put it on, when I get it from my fellowmates. It looks good and most importantly, taste good as well! Of course, the gals, won the breakfast/sandwich competition because the guys boasted too much for having more expenditure cost but forgotten to put their teriyaki chicken into the refrigerator!!! *hhahaha* But we were merciful enough to make sandwiches for them as well..

Well, yeah.. that's about it for the retreat. I just regret that I am not such a chatty person. I was most of the time quite quiet... but I really do enjoy and had fun myself being with them, observing their conduct & listening to their conversations and life stories. I had a great time there. Plus, they celebrated my birthday there! I am so so touched! ^_^

Will be back with more pics the next time =)

Breakaway

Just as the song... "So, I pray that I'll breakaway"...

Breakaway from the bondage of sin & addictions...
Breakaway from the all the noises of the world...
Breakaway from the whispers of temptations...
Breakaway from being consumed with myself...
Breakaway from learned helplessness...
Breakaway from the lazyness & over-dependence on others...

Breakaway to a place I'll find peace...
Breakaway to make a change somehow...
Breakaway & soar like an eagle...
Living in freedom & in boldness...
Breakaway to find a place I belong...

Word of Wisdom

"Everything rises & falls on leadership"
- John Maxwell

Wake up, Sleeping beauty...

This whole week, I've been strangely relaxed though my exam starts on Saturday!!! *ooohh the peace of God, must be upon me* I've been sleeping a lot and find it really hard to get up. The duration of my nap time was supposed to be only half an hour to an hour... I ended up sleeping for about 2-3 hours!!! I really wonder... is my body trying to catch up on my sleepless nights, weeks before that, or is my brain just mentally dead? meaning too lazy & tired to think or do anything... *wake up sleeping beauty, SMACK*

I wish that I can sleep forever and dream dreams that all seem so real & wonderful. In reality, life is just not that way. You get smacked by problem after problem, dwell upon issues over issues & finally ask yourself once again... "what is life really about? What is the most important thing about life that God wants us to know or learn? What is His core message?"

We have dreams which seem impossible to reach, identity crisis "who am I? What am I doing here? Is this me... like ME?", searching for love & acceptance everywhere, trying to be 'special' or different from the rest or perhaps, catching up with the flow.... We have so many things bombarded in our faces... and at times, all i wanna do is just be shut off from all these things & just sleep on it. The world will still go on rite? What difference will it make if I just sleep through it?

Will there be a difference? What does God have to say about it? God wants us to "WAKE UP!!!" look around, face it, don't shut off from it. You may not be of the world, but you are still in it. I'm not saying that sleeping is bad at all.. don't get me wrong. People have to rest... we have to rest spiritually and wait upon the Lord as well or we'll be totally burn out.. but don't hide in your comfort... "Look at things around you with MY perspective", says the Lord, perhaps then, things would be much different. Your heart goes out to others rather than being focused on yourself 'cuz life is not all bout me, me, me...

So, wake up from the things that you're doing, or have done that you know it's not favourable in His eyes. Wake up to see the difference between reality and fantasy. Wake up and look around... and see what is truly happening in this world, He has made. Wake up from dreams and make your dream come true instead. Wake up and see the ones who are in need more than you do. At last, wake up and see what God has prepared for ya...