I miss...

I wanna share so many things... but now I can't remember it all...
I miss so many things...

I miss blogging like I used to.
I miss expressing myself thru music and writing.
I miss dancing freely when I was a lil kid.
I miss making encouragement notes/cards for people I care for.
I miss my friends who are seem to be closeby but seem so afar at the same time.
I miss the times when I knew how to relax.
I miss going to places, looking at the city lights and being mesmorized by it.
I miss hanging out with a person that I thought was special to me and I was special to him.
I miss chillinz with my friends and talk about random things in life.
I miss studying in college and doing research (can't believe it!).
I miss the people I've just met and wish that I can know them better.
I miss being the shy girl that hides behind her friends.
I miss being a good listener and being there for my friends who are in need.
I miss the peeps whom I used to exchange letters with in sec schools.
I miss the times when my parents and uncle use to swing me around in their arms.
I miss the times treating my grandma's dress as a swing.. Swinging in between her legs as I sit on her dress, the bottom part there *haha*
I miss being the adventurer in my dreams.
I miss dressing up during special occasions.
I miss the times when I was soo willing to lend a hand to a friend.
I miss wishing for a guy to sweep me off my feet.
I miss having a soft/gentle heart and yet being strong willed about what I believed in.
I miss enjoying the songs I play.
I miss having a hobby.
I miss just talking with a friend for hours on the phone.
I miss really caring about someone so much that I won't get tired of it.
I miss carrying the hope in me, not giving up in a person.
I miss the optimistic me.
I miss being different not because I am cute.
I miss being truly innocent.
I miss being special to someone.
I miss the times when I just ran into my Heavenly Father's arms.
I miss being a princess in His eyes and believing, knowing that I really am.
I miss the times when I can really talk.
I miss the times when I am facinated by lil things in life.
I miss keeping with me those sweet memories I have with my friends.
I miss just being the lil girl and leave behind the worries of the world...

I miss... I miss.... I miss....

Research on 'Relationships'

Hi peeps,

I am doing this research on "Relationships" which include, singlehood, dating, courtship, marriage, finding love partner.. etc and do a presentation on it. What I'm asking from you are questions that you have about the topic. It can be anything, as long as its relevant to the topic mentioned. With the questions that we gather from ourselves (teammates and I) and anyone who comments about it, we will try our best to relate it with what the Bible have to say, (which we believe it is the Word of God) concerning the questions that we have about relationships. So, what we do is to tie in and relate the answers to your questions with what God has to say about it, not out of our own opinions.

So, please feel free to just throw in some questions about relationship issues. Whether you are from different race, nationality, religion, anything la... It'll be good to hear from you. Those who has my MSN, you can message me, those who doesn't have can just put your questions under this post's comments.

Thanks.


Lizzie

Life Partner (Part II)

Continuation of the post before...

• Leadership: My future partner shouldn't make hasty decisions. It'll be good if he can consult me about it and both of us share our view points about the decision. But overall, the leadership will fall upon him. I wouldn't really like it, if my husband depend on me to make every decisions in the house. Also, I want God to be involved in the decisions we make.I pray that God's wisdom will be upon him and he will not take this responsibility lightly. I will learn submit to the authority of my husband and even if his decisions isn't wise, I shall submit it to God and not put him down him for not taking my advice when the decision goes wrong. We'll work and walk it through together. I believe the power of authority in the family is very important for the whole family's well being and spiritual life. What you teach and model to your children, is very important, however, it is a hard task.

• Integrity: In what he believes in, his values and in his workplace. This integrity is grounded in the word of God - The understanding of what you believe and values, also, obedience to God's word and His calling though you may not understand it yet. It is the principle behind it. Walk the talk. I believe it comes with a teachable heart and humble spirit within. This came into mind,"You are in the world but you are not of the world". Meaning, you don't have to be like everyone else or just follow the flow, though you are part of them (human race), but stick firm to what you believe in and the values you trust is right and favourable in God's eyes. It is a daily learning process as we face trials and temptations in different stages of our lives.
  
• Joy: Joy of living. The joy of Christ, contend with where he is, who he is and what he is and yet, continue to maximize his potential and put every effort and everything he do, every breath he breathes, every step he takes, to bring glory to our Almighty God. A guy that is vibrant in the way he lives. I love a guy with a great smile and spreads joy with the people around him. A guy who knows what or who he is living for and has the joy to live out loud for Him. A person who guides me in that direction to be a blessing to others as well, through the joy of the Lord in us.
  
• Spreads the love: A person that doesn't just focus his attention to me only, but are sensitive to other people's needs as well. What I meant to say is that... he is in this ministry of touching lives, being sensitive to people's needs, not only mine or his own. This way, we are able to spread the love of God together. A person that doesn't live on his own or for his own. A guy that also, knows his boundaries when he is meeting the needs of others . I do not mean it as a church ministry, but a life long commitment to serve God by giving his life to serve people, just as Christ did and that is what Christ wants from us as well. We do it not because others deserved it, but God loved us first and Christ still loves us. As Christians, He lives in us (or at least should be), therefore, we should be portraying His love to others and be a blessing to them. The ministry of "Touching Hearts, Changing Lives", not by our own works, but God with us.
  
• Spirit of excellence. I'm not talking about being the best among others. I believe that the standard is not of human's standard but God's standard. He sets the standard on how we should live, He IS the standard. Collosians 3:23 "And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men". I believe in whatever you do, always keep in mind that you are not doing it just on your own or for others, but God as well - whether it's the simple things you do, in studies, a project, in your workplace, serving in church etc. Everything we do, every labor we toil is an offering to God. So, let it be an offering that brings fragrance and brings favor to Him. We should give Him the best because He deserves the best. It is not about competitions or selfish desires to be on top or the best. Rather, reaching to be Christlike because He wants us to be. Therefore, we should be careful with the way we live our lives. This also comes with surrender because you are surrendering your life and whatever you do to someone greater than you can ever imagine or you can ever be.
  

Guess I over shot. I never knew that I can write so much about my ideal life partner. If you ask me in person, I probably can't tell you in detail or much at the spot itself. But when I type it down, I really reflect upon what I want to say and express. I believe the list doesn't just stop there... I pray that whoever I am with, whether he is as ideal as the list or not, I'll be able to accept and love him in whatever state he is in and for who he is, and yearn to help each other grow physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually.

Future life partner...

I was just reminded of a post that I was suppose to put up weeks ago... perhaps even a month ago >_< *sorry gal* My friend tagged me on the 8 traits/points on an ideal lover for me. Lover sounds quite cliche for me, that's why I prefer to call it my future life partner. The word life partner bring much meaning to me. Anywayz, here goes...

• Loves God: A person who loves God would honor Him and live in righteousness according to His ways. I know that he may not be perfect, but I know that because of this love with God, He would attempt to reach to God's standards of living. It is when we submit and trust God in different areas in our lives, we will begin to grow more into His likeness and he shall grow in substance, shown through his character. I can be assured that, he would be a living testimony for me, our kids and the people around us.

• Family Man: I would like my future life partner to still spend time with me and our kids, in the midst of his busy working life. I don't mean, abandoning work at all... but having a balance between those two. Responsibility over his work and also, his own family. I would want him to set aside time for me and the kids for family bonding, mentoring them about God and life as well as walking together, hand-in-hand in life as a family, thru thick & thin. A husband and a father who sets example for the family and loves us with an open heart and open arms *hugz*

• Captures my heart: Heheh of course before marrying me, the person would have to capture my heart first. But, I don't want it to just end there. It'll be great if he could capture my heart and still be passionate after we're married. Not just the first few years (that would be the easier part), but later years as well (which gets harder), until we grow old (even harder) and move on to Heaven (the, we rejoice together!). I know that passionate feelings do come and go, and as you live & know the person long enough you may get tired of him/her and when you realize and see all the silly and bad habits (that used to be cute but increadibly irritating after that), it is really hard to want or believe that you're married to this person. I really pray that my future husband would make attempts to sustain our marriage life, and I would do so too. You see I'm the kind of girl who needs to be reaffirmed of my love for the person and the person for me. I love it when the guy sweep me off my feet, do silly sweet stuff for me and it really captures my heart when I see the person putting the effort or initiate to do something for me. I feel deeply touched. The guy don't have to shower me with gifts (although it would be nice to recieve once in a while).. simple things do makes me happy; like words of affirmation, remembering special dates, keep aside time for me, a comforting hug and I guess, the guy would have to find what my love language is ler... then it'll be easier for him kua.

• Purity: A partner that keeps me pure, before and after marriage. A guy that knows his limits when we are courting/dating. A guy who initiates the right moves (eg. holding hands) at the right time but not pushing it any further than it should. A guy that respects me as a gal or a women. Not just physical touch, but keeping my heart guarded for God & my future husband (it should be him-la, but what if something happens betw the both of us?). Also, keeping my mind pure.. as in, the things we talk about, shouldn't provoke any unclean thoughts. Last but not least, spiritually building me up as a fine women, wife and mother... women of worth and one that seeks God.

I'm only at number 4. Still thinking of the rest of the 4 more...
Keep in touch for the continuation =)

Can't sleep

It's 3.40am in the morning and I can't sleep. I don't even really feel sleepy or tired.
I've tried sleeping just now but I have so many things in my mind. I was talking to God about what is going on in my life and what has been going on in my friend's lives. Of course, He knows it already, but I feel there is a need to tell Him still. That's how I communicate with Him. After that, it slowly wondered to different things, which I can't remember. I guess, it was going into the unconcious. Random thoughts.

Anywayz, the great thing is, I have to be awake by 8.30am, the latest for leader's meeting and church celebration after that. I have no idea how am I gonna survive that.

Oh.. it's 4.05am already. Ok, now my eyes are feeling a bit heavy.
"Lord, please help me feel sleepy and fall into a deep sleep until 8.30am"

These days, I felt as if there is an angel watching over me and Jesus holding my hand, through the things that have been bothering me. Just a few days ago, I begged and cried for Him, not to leave me and to hold my hand. I don't know who can I hang on to anymore apart from Him. I prayed asking Him to help me not leave Him to 'cuz I know I often run away from His presence, wondering around on my own and getting lost.

When I was thinking while trying to sleep just now, I imagined something wonderful...

"Jesus asking me to dance with Him.. I was a small girl at that time... then, suddenly I've grown older, with this really beautiful dress. I can't remember it's color, was it pink or white. Anyway, I was dancing around my Lord Jesus Christ. I felt like a princess too, I told Him. The thing is, she doesn't look like me, she looks so much prettier, thinner, elegant, poise and all. I wished I had her looks, the way she conducted herself and all. I've imagined myself to be her. But Jesus told me "You don't have to be someone else. You are beautiful just the way you are" - somewhat along that line.

You see, I've always wanted to be prettier, smarter, better, nicer, friendlier and all that, than the state that I am now. I do feel inferior to others because I compare myself to them. But, God is trying to remind me that, I don't have to try so hard. He will allow me to blossom in my own time. I am already beautiful from the time He made me and will indeed mature into a more beautiful girl and it may not be because of my looks or because I was smarter and all that. It is my heart... the heart that is willing to dance with the Lord and follow His rhythm. I am His little princess, if I allow Him, the King to be my Father. Allowing myself to freely dance before Him, expressing my love to Him and flow with Him, ya know. He loves that. He loves to see me dance. He loves it when I dance with Him. I see the smile in Jesus' face.

That reminded me of the song I composed a few years back, entitled...

"Smile on Your face"

You look to me,
With that smile on Your face,
You would draw close each day,
And gently touch my face.

As I reach to You,
You would carry me,
Like a Father,
In Your loving arms

Whispering in my ears,
Saying "I love you my, child"

For everytime, I pray,
I want to see that smile,
As You look upon me.
Each night before I sleep,
I'll always dream that You,
Would twirl me around as we dance,
And I'll see that smile,
That smile on Your face.

Composed & Copyright by Elizabeth Hie.

Worried...

• About my own spiritual life and my brother's.
• My friend's health because she hasn't been taking care of it.
• My friends' romance life (relationships) because it hurts me as well to see them hurt if it fails to work out.
• People around me losing hope.
  
• I'll lose touch with the wonderful peeps I've just met in camp.
• Safety of my neighbourhood, home, family and friends.
• Future career paths.
• Adaptabality to Australian lifestyle & environment
• Subjects for my 3rd year in UniSA.
• Whether UniSA is the right choice!
• Cell member's spiritual growth & the people close to me.
• Friendships with others.
  
• I would not dare to commit into a relationship, therefore, I won't be able to start one.
• I'll be a person, whom I do not want to be!
  
• Addicted to drinking when I go Aussie.
• Allowing my wild side to take control of me.
• Take BGR relationships lightly - treating it as a fling.
• Something stoping God from working in my life.
• I wouldn't get to spend much time with my mum before I leave Aus.

The list just goes on....

"Lord, help me to surrender all these into your hands. Indeed, please grant me peace, as you've granted your disciples when you met them again after your death. These were the words you said to them "Peace be with you". Indeed, I pray for your Holy Spirit to guide me each day in wisdom in the decisions I make and also, I pray that You will guard my heart from the evil one and from falling into temptations. Help me to cast my worries to You, O God. I may not be in control, but You are. Help us to remember that. Praise You O God, for You are still good beyond all the circumstances. You are above all these things. In Jesus Name, Amen"

Want to make a change

Want to make a change in:-

Blog: Anyone know's how to do blog design?

I want my blog to have a soft, light background of the 4 seasons-Summer, Autmum, Winter & Spring. It symbolizes something for me and I have a meaningful song to fit with it as well.

Outlook appearance:

• Hair: For easier maintanence. I've longed to highlight my hair blue or blue-ish red (purple)!
• Clothes: My bestfriend always say that I have bad fashion sense. One day, you bring me shopping and dress me up ler, gal!
• Size/Fitness: Wish I can be taller and thinner. *haha* since I don't think it'll happen (my bro stole the height genes from me!!!) I just wanna keep fit, look just right and be healthy!
• Looks: I'm don't usually put make up when I go out (Only when I dance). I just want to have a fresher and a more confident look with a wide smile to cheer people up. A smile can make a difference in people's lives.

Character:

• Friendliness - I don't know why, I find certain people intimidating. Perhaps, I should draw near to them and get to know them, instead of withdrawing myself from them. So far, those people whom I thought was intimidating, turned out to be a nice bunch of peeps. By doing this, I would probably build up my self-esteem and shyness. Of course, I shall be careful also-ler, not to get into wrong hands.
• Firm-ness - I gotta learn to rebuke in a right manner and also speak my mind out when I disagree, have an opinion or when I know that something should be done but isn't done.
• Leadership - Learn to dare to lead. I've always underestimated myself or take lightly the position I held. So, I've learnt not to play-play with the role and also not underestimating God and what He can do in my life. Of course, I'll always be reminded that leadership starts off my serving. Actually, leadership is servanthood as well, cause we are serving the people and their needs.
• Humbleness - I admit that I do have this ego-centric part of me. Sometimes I can be quite prideful and insensitive to others. I'm so sorry for those whom I've hurt because of my pride. I am the kind of person who tend to compare myself with others. So, I guess, I need to be humble. Afterall, I shouldn't compare myself with human standards, but with God standards.. because, human standards change, but God's standards doesn't change even over time. He sets the standard, He IS the standard.

What else? I guess it's all for now. The thing is whenever I change, people do look at me differntly and somehow they want the old Lizzie back. I just hope that I won't go over-fanatic about changing that I lose the true purpose of why am I doing this in the first place. I hope that I can be a better Lizzie instead of the unrecognized Lizzie (in a negative way).

Taken Away

It seems that the things I loved once, but I didn't appreciate much in the later years, were taken away from me.

1st: My dog, Rufus. I use to have time for him. I put him to sleep at night, as I let him sleep on my lap and pat him to bed. I used to play with him and feed him. Years went by and I as I grew and so my dog, I didn't have much time to even touch or look at my dog. I was often out of the house or lazing in the house. I hardly walk around my backyard, you see. I only see him when I wash my hands in the kitchen, his cage would be right in front. I see him when I come back.. he would greet me at the side of the garden, looking intently at me, but I walked into the house. He stares at me when I play music on my piano, and I just smile back at him. At times, I would pat him, but many times I didn't want to get myself dirty before I went out or when I am in the house bumming around.

2nd: My piano that has been with me since I was 4-5 years old. Now, I found out that they are gonna move the piano out! Well, I haven't been really using that piano since after my SPM. My parents got me this digital piano as a gift for my SPM results. I wasn't the best, but I did my best and my parents was proud of me. I wanted a keyboard, so that I could bring it to Aussie when I further my studies, but my dad wasn't too happy with the sound produced by it.. So, suddenly upgraded to digital piano *hahaha* Yeah.. anyway.. when I started thinking about the piano being sold, I feel a little sad. I mean, it has been with me for more than 10years. It's like part of the family. I loved it, I hated it (the lessons and exams, mainly). I composed songs with it.. I had sweet and bitter memories with it.

3rd: My close friend/(s). Okay, maybe the person is not like taken away.. away kinda thing. I should be thankful and grateful that the person/they are still there. Just feel a lil left out and "you're so near yet so far" kinda thing. It's just kinda sad, just left with the memories I had with the person or them. Worst, I don't know how to make it work as close friends again after that. I've became handicapped, most of the time, lost for words. However, I am still thankful that those people are still around and just... friends.

Sigh... I know that I didn't appreciate the things that God has handed me to take care of or to steward of. It makes me wonder, how am I gonna do BIG things for Him, if I can't even handle the little things for Him? I really do regret but I guess there is a lesson that we all will learn after that... especially when the things precious to us, are taken away from us.

When there was you and me

It's funny when you find yourself looking from outside
I'm standing here but all I want is to be over there
Why did I let myself believe
Miracles could happen
Cause now I have to pretend, that I don't really care

I thought you were my fairytale
A dream when I'm not sleeping
A wish upon a star that's coming true
But everyone else could tell
That I confused my feelingswith the truth
When there was you and me

I swore I knew the melody
That I heard you singing
And when you smiled you made me feel
Like I could sing along
But then you went and changed the words
Now my heart is empty
I'm only left with used-to-be's
Once upon a song

Now I know you're not a fairytale
And dreams were meant for sleeping
And wishes on the star just don't come true
Cause now even I can tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
Cause I like the view
When there was me and you

I can't believe I could be so blind
It's like you were floating while I was falling
And I didn't mind

Cause I liked the view
Thought you felt it too
When there was me and you...

-Vanessa Ann Hudgens in "High School Musical"-

Breaking Free

I love Disney songs. This is an inspirational song from a new movie "High School Musical".

Breaking Free

We're soaring, flying,
There's not a star in heaven that we can't reach
If we trying, so we're breaking free

You know the world can see us
In a way that's different than who we are
Creating space between us till we're seperate hearts

But in faith it gives me strength
Strength to believe

We're breaking free!

CHORUS #1
We're soaring, flyin'
There's not a star in heaven that we can't reach
If we're trying, so yeah we're breaking free
Oh, we're breaking free

Can you feel it building
Like a wave the ocean just can't control
Connected by your feelings
ooh, in your very souls

Rising 'til it lifts us up
So everyone can see

We're breaking free!

CHORUS #2
We're soaring, flyin'
There's not a star in heaven that we can reach
If we're trying, yeah, breaking free
Oooh runnin', climbin'
To get that place to be all that we can be
Now's the time we're breaking free
We're breaking free...

More than hope, more than faith
This is true, this is fate
and together we'll see it coming
More than you, more than me
Not a want but a need
Both of us breakin' free

CHORUS #3
Soaring, flyin'
There's not a star in heaven that we can't reach
If we're trying, so we're breaking free
Runnin', climbin',
To get that place to be all that we can be
Now's the time we're breaking free
Oohhh, we're breaking free..

You know the world can see us
In a way that's different than who we are

News on Lizzie's job update...

I felt as if it has been months since I've updated... well, it sorta kinda a month, since I've updated already. I guess is the 'working' feeling inside of me. Seem that everything passed by so fast.. Well, 'cause on weekdays, I do want the mins, hours, days and week to pass by as soon as possible. Now, I do understand the stuggles of work and why people do not seem to enjoy it or seem sooo tired after the long day. Well, I'm still new to it. There would be more struggles and problems if I am working longer, such as politic issues in the office etc, which I haven't experienced yet.

After this coming week, I have 2 weeks left in my workplace, before my contract is over. That was what I thought, a week ago... until my mum told me that I should extend my contract and we did. They agreed, since they needed someone to help out at the administration work. The person doing admin now is going to leave soon. Oh man.. I know nuts about admin work! Have to learn I guess. Should be quite fun. I'll be doing both recruitment and admin work next month. Also, if they need me back at old place to manage the problems of their updated application programes there, I'll be there too. 3 jobs in a month. Cool, rite? It's not confirmed yet ler actually. I was quite excited because I thought I would have a week break before I start working again. That means rest and I am able to hang out with my friends who is coming back from UK & Aus... but since the contract is extended, I only have 1 day leave for the month. It's okay. I'm beginning to get used to the job now.

I wanted to have an exposure in Kindergarten but I don't think that I can learn much from there. I definately can't be a kindy teacher. You'll need to go through some sort of training first, which will take months before you are qualified. Perhaps as caretakers, it won't be a problem. I thought working in hospitals would be good too, but I don't think I can find much jobs of psychologist clinics around M'sia. So, I'll most likely go into Human Resource, hopefully.

Working in my current job now is okay la. I've learnt to look at resumes and understand them, esp some of the IT-terms. Interesting.. sometimes I dream about those terms because I read them too much already. I get to differentiate between different jobs and the experiences they hold, not only the skills they possess. I learnt to mix with working people... though it was pretty hard for me, because most of my colleagues speaks in Mandarin and I do not understand at all. I learnt to call and talk or interview them about their current jobs and skillsets as well as experiences. They are sooo much older than me. The youngest, is about 23 - 24 years old.

It is kinda scary at first, to call strangers and talk to them. Some seem comfortable to talk and converse with me and I make sure that when call them, I would thank them. Also, in my e-mails, I would thank them for their time and end it with "Have a great week".

It is tiring and I have this lazy nature in me but I want to make the best out of my working days because that is what God would want us to do. I learnt to enjoy my work and no need so malu/embarresed to do things like calling people! "Just do it, gal! Won't die one. What is the worst that could happen?" That is what I always tell myself when I don't feel like doing something cuz it's out of my comfort zone or what I'm used to.

So that's my job update.

Recruitment

Remember I mentioned that I was working, doing testing application programme. 1 month has passed, and now I am doing recruitment! No, no.. I wasn't fired... I kinda finished doing my part in the customer's place (BSN) already. So, since I don't have much to do there, they shifted me back to the main office help out in recruitment instead. At first, the thought of doing recruitment really stimulated my mind. I was soooooo excited. You see, next year, I decided that I would specialize in Industrial/Organizational Psychology. So this area of work is sooo much relevant to me, compared to the testing progs work. Don't get me wrong, I like working at BSN as a tester. It was a new experience (IT line), facinating, interesting, routine (I know what to do) , flexiblebut soon I got extremely bored, cuz there weren't much for me to do there after the 3rd week.

Working in the main office doing recruitment now. Oh man, never thought it can be tiring. Tiring not because I needed to run around... Tiring because my job requires me to sit for 8 hours, staring at CVs and resumes and searching for potential candidates that would fit the job requirement. I was asked to interview the person on the phone as well, but I know that I am not ready because I know nuts about IT hardware, softwares; what the job is about or what does the company really do. Even head says it's a bit hard for me but I will have to use my discernment to do so... this involves Pscyhology as well ya know. Well, he can see that I wasn't ready and I was quite reluctant. Perhaps I shall do more research first before I make myself available to help in interviewing people. Just not now yet... *feel sorry though*. I mean, I have to understand what am I offering the candidates before I can talk to them rite? And if I need to get them to be in the company, I need to tell them what is it all about.. am I right?

Yeah.. so many things to learn. I felt so uncomfortable the past few days. Now, getting used to it. Thank God for giving me the peace and patience. Yesterday was terrible for me as I was trying my best to stay awake while reading the CVs. Today was a success, as I bugged God to provide me with strength. Yes, I used the word 'bugged' =P

I pray that i will learn to enjoy my job and step out in boldness in doing the things I'm suppose to do and when the tasks are handed to me. Do keep me in your prayers too ya!

Worship tonight

Worship practice tonight for awesome. It wasn't because we had the whole band or many of us came and worship or practiced together... Guess what? Only 6-7 peeps were there; 1 electirc guitarist, 4 singers (including myself) and band leader, who also handled the PA system for us. It is amazing how we can still worship and praise Him, singing with our hearts out with only the electric guitar. The delimma was that, the keyboard couldn't be used because the main power plug for the keyboard was missing. There wasn't any news from the bassist, couldn't contact the fella. The other guitarist was stuck with work, thanks to his boss and the drummer did come! but after that, decided perhaps we'll just do it with the electric guitar. In other words, many peeps just couldn't make it for the practice though they were in the band. But it's okay.

Perhaps some were disspointed-ler. I know I was a bit when I saw so few ppl.. and was wondering what happened to the rest of the peeps. You see, I have been missing from the ministry as well because of exams and also, I wasn't 'on' to serve that time as my sifu took over and served instead (there wasn't extra keyboards). I wasn't dissapointed or sad or anything like that. Instead, the timing was good because that was during my assignment/projects & exam period. Also, my parents wasn't too happy with my involvement with so many practices and activities. So, I really needed that break to spend time in my studies and with my family. And I did! So, after my exams and now working, I came back again and am glad to be there, serving again, but everyone else seem to be missing. Don't get me wrong, I don't blame them. I'm sure they have their reasons as I had mine the last month.

So, we only had the electric guitar as I mentioned. I had a strong feeling that practice would turn out great, better than what we'll imagined and perhaps even better than having the whole band together tonite. This happened when we were about to pray. What I am going to say next, may sound really bad-ler.. I was supposed to play keyboard but I know that I haven't really practiced for it and when I did practice, it didn't sound good enough.. my playing quality have gone down! Seriously! I wasn't ready or prepared. So, I was slightly relieved that I didn't have to play. Perhaps, even afraid that I would make the whole band suffer because of my playing (if I played). So, went into singing instead.

4 of us singing... 2 gals and 2 guys. Just using the e. guitar and singers, woah, it felt as if the place was a concert or opera house.. without audience but the singing combination was good and our guitarist played really well with his fill ins and his increadible skills. Most importantly, we could worship God freely and we focused on Him. It wasn't just to practice our skills but really to sing our hearts out to God and giving our all/best when we play or sing to Him. I know that His Holy Spirit was with us and when 2 or 3 are gathered in the midst, He will be there. Amen! It was awesome! Not just a worship practice for an upcoming event but singing it with joy, excitement and passion for Him... as if He was really there in the midst of us, as we exalt and giving Him glory. I'm sure He was there, in our hearts as He stirred our spirits-men within us.

It is amazing what God can do just with a guitar and a few singers. This I'm sure, taught us a lesson, that we don't have to have the whole band to worship God. We don't have to have all the instruments to make it perfect. Worship is the condition of the heart and you can worship with out without instruments, with or without others around you. Amen? We can always sing praises to Him even when there is just 2 people or on your own. Do it accapella by all means if you don't have the resources. Just don't give up or break down because of the lack of people or resources. Because our God is a God that can do things that we can't even imagine. He is great and He can make things great and happen. He only needs a vessel. Just one person to start, willing to serve Him and a heart that would follow Him.

I sang with joy in my heart! It has been years since I have that joy and God kept His promise. He granted me the joy when I was in the Baptism and Encounter Weekend. Usually, I'll shy off and would not want to sing in front of people, but this time, I just don't care. I just sing my whole heart out with joy. After that, God reminded me again of the passion and my prayer last time. It is still a mystery to me whether this is where God wants me to start or is this the so called 'new talent', also the promise that He wants to fullfill. I don't know but I'll continue to serve Him anyway, in wherever I am now.. and see where the Lord will lead me. How would I know where He leads me? I really don't know, but I think when the time comes and He really wants me to know, He will make it known to me somehow!

The Prayer

I went out for prayer last weekend celebration, trying to help out in anyway I can. I challenged myself to do so... though I feel small most of the times, whether it's praying for other people (whom I do not know or older than me) or be the catcher when they fall. As a leader in church, it is important that I learn to overcome this fear and not underestimate what God can do in my life. Even a prayer for a kid can be powerful, so there is really no age boundaries on the power of prayer or even mentoring others.

In my heart, I guess I wanted to be prayed for but kinda shy to go ask for it. So, I served la. Pastor suddenly approached me and asked whether I want to be prayed for or have I been prayed for. I told her I was just helping around. Then, I thought, I should just give it a shot ya know. One of my prayer request was to be more bold and couragous; to speak up when I need to and to dare to do things that I should do and asked to do by God. I find that my spirit of timidity isn't going anywhere, so I need to learn to take bolder steps if I want to live out loud for God and as a leader, I can't be timid all the time! I need to lead, guide and be able to edify and rebuke others when it is necessary.

So, Pastor M. did pray for me. I remembered some of the things she said... she told me this is one of the step of boldness... by coming out and asking for prayer. She added many other things, beside the prayer for boldness. She said that she sensed that the Lord was asking me not to rely too much on my gifts/talents (BINGO!) Wow! It spoke to me. Why is that? This is because I realized I have been relying a lot on my talents. Too much perhaps that I neglect Him at times. Also, I realized that I don't really know where am I heading to! I like this.. and that.. and this.. because I am sort-of good in doing it. Therefore, I am serving Him in that area. Perhaps that was what I was doing before. So now, I am really confused on where I should be serving and what is His desire for me to do for Him in the ministry. You see, so many choices can get you confused as well.

It was a prayer that I haven't heard before. A prayer that says that God will give me something new, new talents and it seems quite odd that I seem to have this sense of recognition of what she was saying... it was as if I already knew that He will do so but I don't know what is it (though I heard it for the first time as well). It was an assurance, deep inside of me and all I need to do is depend on Him and stick close to Him. Slowly, I will understand the Father's heart for me and what He desires for me to do in my life. I really pray and hope so!

My ministry in church... Cell Group Leader & Music Ministry. The thing about music ministry is that I used to serve in dance and keyboardist. Used to be a worship leader as well. I even had the desire to be a worship leader. Again, oddly, I have this thing inside of me that reassures me that God remembered my prayer and my desires before. I had so many desires and passions that I used to have that I really don't know which prayer/desires or passions I had before that He will fullfill in my life.

One thing I learn from that prayer is not to rely on my talents but rather the source, the giver and the maker... the person itself who make it all happen. I am still a bit confused and still searching but I am not giving up, neither am I just standing at the sidelines. I am playing the game as I am searching as well, because I know God doesn't want me to just sit and watch my life pass by while waiting for the revelation of what He wants me to do. Rather go out there and search as well as serve in wherever I am now first.

One thing I learnt today is to be faithful with the lil things that God has given me now. If I can take responsibility of these lil things, God will trust me with other bigger ones later on. Step by step, lil by lil.

Also, one part of the prayer that I'll remembered (from last Sat), that in my journey, I won't have be transformed totally into a better person but lil by lil overcoming the fears I have, dealing with issues and weakness in my life. Also, He will be changing me, taking me step-by-step with Him. I thank God for His patience and His accepting me when I have let Him down so many times. He is my ultimate mentor =) I am thankful that I have such a great God by my side who loves me dearly.

Mentoring

My heart desire and my prayer was to be mentored or be in a menotoring group. Also, to mentor someone or a group of gals, to bring them up to be a women after God's heart. I am sure that in the future, I would be mentoring my husband (he will mentor me as well) and my kids, physically, emotionally and spiritually! =)

I am excited to be in this journey. I have been mentoring someone, but I feel as if I haven't done enough because I do not really know how to mentor. I want to do more than what we are doing now. I want to go into a deeper level of transparency and mentoring relationship with the person. I longed to be mentored as well. I guess I was mentored by my parents, my ex-cell leader during secondary years and cell leader in PreU but I feel I needed more than just that... The mentoring that I am seeking for is like, really keeping each other accountable for the things we do, and bringing up each other spiritually, sharing our hearts out, our desires and problems. It need not be one-on-one but maybe a small group of gals, perhaps. I am looking for such mentoring setting, relationship or group.

I don't know where to look for it. Been praying about it for a while and I think it is essential for me and others that I am mentoring and one day will mentor more as well, in the coming days. This is one of my passion and desire. That the mentoring relationship will not be one-way but both ways and also, running together for years! Building the friendship, the closeness with one another and trust among each other.

In the other hand, I am afraid of being mentored because at times, I am afraid that people would see me for who I am underneath the mask and they would view me differently. Perhaps, such sins that they never thought I would have commited. It is scary if you think about it. But I am starting to learn to unmask myself (which is a progress). It also means that I need to leave my comfort zone to deal with the issues of the self (which I know I have to deal with a lot of things in myself and change of character).

I am afraid and yet I know there is a need for it. Mentoring is not to be taken lightly because people learn from you and people look up to ya. Also, you are shaping the person. No wonder, there is a need to pray before mentoring someone or pray about the people who are mentoring ya, because God knows best and knows who are the people that can really build us up in our lives.

So, Lord please help me on my search and journey of mentoring that I will soon discover and let it be centered around you.

Memory loss...

Argh! I seem to be forgetting my schedule ever since i've started working.

For example:-

1) Call someone to do ice-breaker for CG, when I said I will

2) Reconfirm with my friend whether I could meet them

3) Send the sms which I have typed


I'm in a daze >_< what's happening to me?

I think I need to put reminders or depend on a planner book againz *sigh*

Eating habits decreased

Can't eat as much as I used to anymore >_<
My appetite isn't that BIG as used to be...

Sad...

Benefits of working

Healthier life

• Consistent exercise from Mon to Fri, walking from KLCC LRT station to my office place (10 mins walk)
• Eating 3 full meals (usually I'll skip breakfast but I realize I need it now)
• Drink more water
• Sleep earlier
  

Independance

• I know how to use the LRT on my own
• At least I know my way around in KLCC & to my workplace
• More exposed to KL life
• Increases my sense of independance (walking around on my own)

Meet new friends & old ones

• My 'si fu' in workplace will always bring me out makan
• Many of my colleagues are Malay but they are friendly peeps
• Met a lot of my secondary school friends this week, esp in LRT train

Learning experience

• Learn what testing application programme do
• Expand my knowledge and skills (it's IT job if u didn't notice)
  
• Not limiting myself to just "psychology" though I studied that (will go into there)
  
• Though it's kinda repetitive, I am in ease because at least I know how to 'kau dim' the work given to me
• Experience working environment & expand communication skills (hopefully!)
  

There are a few disadvantages too...

• lethargic after work (really really tired. Understand my parents better)
• expensive man the food in KL (this is because I can only turn to KLCC for food!)

Well, that's about it la... the disadvantages so far.
Working life isn't that bad. First day, I felt like an odd ball and wanted to quit edi. Now I'm getting used to it and overcame the complaining spirit in me.

My parents are overall proud of me for taking up the job (though was sudden and I wanted to have a month hols first) and so far, I've survived a week in it. Mum got feedback that I very 'kuai' in work =P I hope so la...

Mum says that if you are open to learning (though it may not be in your field, you can go far in life -somesort along that line-). That's how she got as far as she did now. I respect my mum for her attitude in life =)


"Serve wholeheartedly as if you were serving God, not men" (Ephesians 6:7, NIV)

Updates

Oh man, there were so many things happening and I haven't blogged about it. I am really excited to share about it with ya all.. and also, one day as I reflect and read my posts back, I am reminded of what had happened =)

Well, updates...

1. Didn't do so well in exam. 2 out of 4 papers were not that good. For the first time, I 'tembak'/ randomly picked answers for my MCQ questions like crazy 'cuz I was in a rush. It was terrible and I know I didn't put in the amount of effort I should have in my studies.
2. Went for "Psycho Camp" (Psychology Camp la). Theme was "Life is Beautiful". I really enjoyed myself and had a changed perspective about my life. I really learnt a lot from the camp and I met some amazing people (my juniors, am proud of them) and grew closer to one of my school mates =) It was a 4 day, 3 nites camp.
3. I went for Baptism and Membership Encounter Weekend (BMEW) and I really did encounter the Lord there. I learnt a whole new perspective about my Father in Heaven and really it has been so great being there. Opened up my heart to Him, envisioned me together with Him.. it's amazing.. how He took me in and accepted me, though I ran away so many times from Him. The story of the Prodigal Son, Though I was really tired and had backaches from the previous camp, Spirit of God really kept me awake for all the sessions there. Also, pastor did a great job preaching. I personally like his style of teaching.
4. Just started work. It was o-kay la. I won't say I really love it, but could handle la. Quite tiring though. Takes about an hour to travel there and back. It'll be for 2 months.. means 40 more days, minus today and 2 days of leave. Am thankful that I got a job. Just didn't think it would be this early. Still very confused with what I'm suppose to do. Don't quite understand much about the job I'm doing. If you all were wondering, I am doing testing on application programme.

That's the update for today. Selamat Malam and take care! ^_^

Humor for students...

Students' Psalm

The Lord is my sheperd, I shall not flunk;
He keepeth me from lying down when I should be studying.
He leadeth me beside the cooler water for a study break;
He restores my faith in study guides.
He lead's me better study grades;
For my grade's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of borderline grades
I will not have nervous breakdown
for thou art with me;
My prayers and their friends, they comfort me.
Thou givest me answers in moments of blankness;
Thou anoints my head with understanding.
My test paper runneth with questions I recognise
Surely passing grades and flying colours will follow me.
All the days of examinations,
And I shall not have to dwell in college
Forever!

Amen.


I Could Study This Notes Forever

Over DOTA and my studies
The study notes are piling on me
And when I open up my heart
I need the need for killing spree.

I could study these notes, forever (x4)

Oh, I feel like studying
It's foolishness I know
But when the student's have seen the light
They will study with joy,
Like we're studying now...

Adapted by "I could sing of Your love forever"
Written by Lemuel Low

Life goes on...

Like my friend always say..

"Life is like a round ball" by Joshua San

You got that right, bro!

Waiting for a miracle...

I just rededicated my life last Sunday in ACTS church. It was wierd.. I didn't see myself as backslided Christian or anything.. Perhaps, I didn't wanna admit or didn't wanna acknowledge it. Don't get me wrong. It's not that I don't believe in God and Jesus as my Savior or stop having that faith. But I know that I needed something more in life than what I am currently living. I lost the joy in doing the things in my ministry, in studies and seem like almost everything.. life itself. The life inside of me was like... DEAD. Get what I mean?

I need to be excited in my faith, once again. To be excited to want to truly know Him. I lost all those desires. I kinda lost hope in myself in other sense. Perhaps, I stop trusting that He could do anything for me, since I do not seem to be doing anything for myself. Things always seem to be the same... you have that fire in ya burning so passionately and brightly one day, and the next thing you know it's gone. I don't want that in my life anymore. So, tired of going through the same routine.

I need to have more in my life than just a flickering fire within me. I need to have more than what I think there is out there. I need more hope in my life. I need the JOY in me once again. I need a CHANGE in my life... People say, they can see change in themselves and others can see it to when they have Christ in them and they can see Holy Spirit in work. I want that!!! I want to see a change in my perspective, in my heart to desire & be commited to Him and a change in my behavior to be a better person.

I need to believe for myself that there is still hope, that I once used to believe.
I need to know that I am His precious child, that He still loves me & hears my cry.

I waiting for a miracle in my life... I want more than what I am at now...
There's gotta be more in life & a meaning to live.

"God, please send a miracle, open my eyes, ears & heart & help me believe"

Grounded...

Whoa... I haven't been grounded for quiet some time. I remembered that my parents gave me the freedom to choose after I graduated from secondary school because they said I am old enough to make my own judgement & decisions.

Guess what.. I am grounded again! Woohooo! *I know, I'm nuts*

Why am I grounded?

• 'Cuz I handed in my assignment paper last minute (though it was on time)
• 'Cuz I am always late and I never seem to learn from my lesson
• Dad is just waiting for my cell phone bill to get me caught & teach me a lesson

I hope these are the only reasons...

What am I grounded for?

• No friends allowed to come to my place
• Can't go out except for college & CG

How long?

• These two weeks.
  
• Good for me anyway, cuz I am bombarded by assignments & I have exams next week.
• Makes no difference to me. I kinda thank God also! Help me control myself & be more discipline..

Am not complaining...

Different personalities?

My family view me as...
- most irresponsible person
- most worried by them
- spends the most money
- lazy
- indiscipline
- not commited/sensitive enough to home affairs
- always late/last minute
- never learns from one's mistake
- unrealible
- very dependent on them & others


What people view me as...
- Coorperative
- to some people, always on time (transportation)
- committed in work
- hardworking (when they happen to see me do work)
- reliable
- servanthood heart (oh boy... that's where I try to take up every responsiblity I can. Why?)


What I view myself...
- I do not like to spend too much

• but i don't know why my hp bill is increadibly freaking high every month
• Not much of a shopper (only go shopping like 3 times a year or smtng...)
• Probably spend a lot of food
  

- ok.. I am tardy..

• 'cuz there is no reason for me to be early for class
• why? cuz i do not learn anything from there! (wish I can tell my parents that...)
• dread going for class & have to wake up early for useless class

- last minute-ness..

• I thought it was considered better than last time edi

- I can be independant. I really can!

• Went lunch on my own several times before
• At times, I walk ahead of others on my own (does that count?)
• Because I was percieved as dependant, I like to be on my own in college (underlying issue on why I am less sociable there)
• Is that why I try to pick up leadership role in coll (at times) & always eager to serve in ministries? Oh gosh... (something I have to question myself)
  

- I am somewhat irresponsible/unrealible because I forget at times!!!

• That's why, I always ask my friends to remind me, if I need to do something important for them.
• Also, I am considered someone willing to do everything and serve... why? I think I just realized the answer
• I didn't like to be irresponsible, therefore, I try to take up every responsibilities I can in other places (underlying cause... unconcious manifest into conciousness)
  
• By taking up many responsibilities outside, i became less involved at home and even less responsible
  

- I do not need people to be worried about me.

• I am 19 and a half years old, for goodness sake.

- It's not that I don't want to learn from mistakes.

• Think, I don't think about it almost everyday????!!!
• Want me to have another car accident to make me realize & change ah?
• I guess, I just don't think of it enough and put it as a priority to fix all these probs in the first place *sigh*

Note to Liz: CLEAN UP THE MESS IN YOUR LIFE!!!!

Liz: okay... not like I have much of a choice...

Stress-nesss!!!!!

Wahhhh!!! Wanna cry lerrr... feel like running around the field 10 times to relief my stress.. or shouting on top of a mountain. Wahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okie... enough of "wah"-ing. Let's see what do I have to do

12/3 Today : Mock Presentation for Sat & Sociology Quiz (which i haven't studied)
14/3 Fri: Sociology Presentation
15/3 Sat: Research Colloqiuom Presentation
17/3 Mon: Special Project Paper on the "Special Kid's" weekly visit in Ampang
18/3 Fri: Research Paper for Research Methods
Research Paper for Sociology
Peranakan Paper: Food (Meat, Poultry's...)

Week after.... End term from Monday 24th to Wednesday 26th April 2006.

Oh man, I can't wait for all these to be over!!!

Stained Glass Masquerade

Is there anyone that fails?
Is there anyone that falls?
I am the only one in church today
Feeling so small

'Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that i see them

Are we happy plastic people
Under shiney plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pains
But if the invitation's open
That every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who's been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only who's traded
In the alter for a stage

The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay

by Casting Crowns

Reason to Live?

I had a long talk with my best friend today. I missed her so much! We talked for hours about life & things that matters to us. Can't believe we are already 'young ladies'. I love seeing all my friends grow and I'm so glad to hear that she has made so much difference in people's lives... She learnt so much about God, life, relationships etc. I see the radiance in her, though her life wasn't all that good or high. Most of all, I respect her for knowing what she wants in life, knowing what she can achieve and do & make a difference in her life and people around her. She really inspires the gals, the younger ones.. bring them hope and support them in so many ways. She has a reason to live.

When I look back into my life. I feel as if, I am the opposite of her. I am still insecure of what my future will be. I am most of the time confused with my own identity and what I want for myself even. I feel as if there is no reason for me to live. Let's face some facts... I am not much of a person whom "make a difference" wherever I go or whatever I do. I don't do much inspiring cuz I just don't know what to say most of the time, whether advice ppl or make them feel better. The best I can do, "I'll be your friend & will be here" (which sometimes, I get into trouble with as well). hehe I don't know what I want in life.. I don't even know what God wants from me!

Sometimes, I just feel so tired of living. I am not much use in this world anyway. So, wouldn't make much of a difference if I am gone, rite? Why O why, am I here in the first place? I seem to hurt those whom I seem to be making a difference in their lives (at first). So, there's not much of a positive differences there. I don't know what am I doing here. Okay.. besides, serving Him in ministries, worshipping Him and all. What else is there in life for me? Even as a CG leader, I am not an outstanding one. I am supposed to bring change but I am not doing much in CG as well to encourage or bring change.

I wanna live my life with a purpose.. knowing what I have to do & be bold to do it. Perhaps I do know but I swept it under a rug because I was afraid that I wouldn't be strong or courageous enough to be different. Somehow, something inside of me is whispering to my soul, "you can be more than you think you are". Why do I find it hard to believe? Because it doesn't seem evident enough?

Sometimes, just wanna give up ya know. But, I can't yet. There has to be a reason, rite? And I'll never know if I throw my life away. I do wonder if I am gone, what will I be missed for? Will or have I be a good testimony in people's lives? I don't know.. but I sure hope that God will be evident in my life.. cuz I am not living for myself but for Him.. and His Name will be lifted up through the things He did in me (whether with or without my knowledge).

I do hope that... I made a difference in a lil things I do...
Hopefully it'll be a lil more clear to me on why I am still here & learn of the reason to live.

Desperate enough?

Hehaha I may appear as a 'desperado' because of my previous posts. As much as I hate to admit it, if I really do, give a thought about it, perhaps I am. I am so excited to be with my future husband. I really am! I don't know whether I have already met him since a long time ago, just met him or haven't met him yet.

As I wondered to myself about my desperate-ness... I really thought to myself.. how come, I haven't been so excited to meet God that way? How come I can be so desperate to be with someone (whom I may or may not know yet) but not be desperate enough for my God?

This really got me thinking... how do I know if I am desperate for Him? I haven't felt that way in a really long time... Wait, have I ever been desperate for Him? I don't know >_< What I do know is that, I am certainly not desperate enough for Him now.

What comes into my mind when I think about the word desperate?
- longing after... heavily relying on... hanging on tightly?

I frankly think, I am more desperate to be with people than God then. I feel as if I often seem to lose a grip of Him. What can I do, to be desperate for Him, once again? To be excited when I meet Him each day when I wake up... To have the overflowing desire to know Him...?

"O God, I wanna be excited when I see You. I wanna have that longing to really know you as well as understand Ya & be with Ya always... Lord, help me to stay put & hold unto You tightly. Help me to learn that, I need You more than I ever will know. Help me to understand that there is greater love in You than the peeps that I constantly seek for around me. Let my soul thirst for You... I pray, in Jesus Name, Amen."

What kind of girlfriend am I?

You're a Steady Supporter
Stand by your man - that's just something you naturally do. Once you've committed to a relationship, you are constant companion who enjoys the comfort and stability that comes from being a couple. Not quick to judge, accuse, or think the worst, you have a lot to trust (in him & yourself), and you rarely worry about where he is or who he's with.

For you, mutual respect is the utmost importance. You are comfortable & confident in your own skin, making you a great pillar of strength in all your relationships. Whether he is striving to climb up a mountain or land a promotion, you have his back. Best part is, you know he's got yours too!

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?

Brought to you by Tickle

Hehehe, just did this for fun! Cool... but how true it is.. I dunno la! hehehe
But it'll be nice, if i can really be someone stated above when I am in a relationship.
I do want to build my partner up & encourage one another in not just human love, but God's love. I know that I'll give him my support in whatever he does...
Am excited to be with him in the future (whoever he is!) ^_^

Stuck in dreamland

Have you experienced a time whereby, when you were sleeping and you want to wake up, but you just can't. You struggle to open your eyes.. like you just CAN'T open them and in your preconcious state, you keep telling yourself to open them. Then, you can imagine the external view, your surroundings, trying to make your body to wake yourself up, but you just can't?

Ever feel as if you just can't get out of your unconcious/preconcious state? Just stuck there, unable to get up or move yourself at times... struggling.. As though, someone was pushing your body down or someone sitting on you. Your body just felt as though it was pinned on the bed/couch you were sleeping on.

Terrible feeling, rite? After long hours of sleeping, you feel even more tired than before.

Anyone can explain all these to me??? It seems kinda scary. I feel that quite often now. Is it because my body is extremely tireed & crying out for rest? I have been sleeping earlier than before (I think!). Any other explanations?

Felt as if I was in coma... The difference is, in coma, you can't get up for few months or years.
Felt like sleep apnea, but in that state, you are gasping for air & unable to breath at the middle of your sleep.

So, what is it? Does it often happen to you?

Want to listen to the song?

Btw, if you want to know how the song goes...
it's in my Cell Couch's blog.

Visit http://amazing-gracey.blogspot.com/

Listen to the music played in her blog.
Hope you don't mind, Grace!

"I will be here" by Steven Curtis Chapman

I love the song "I will be here" from Steven Curtis Chapman.

Whenever I here this song, I feel like crying.
The song is so meaningful... brings warmth to my heart.
Knowing that... someone truly loves me & willing to be by my side.
No matter what circumstances we're in,
and someone just being able to accept & loves me for who I am...
Just knowing that someone is there walking in life with you,
when no one seems to be there.

Dedication to my future husband, whoever you are :
(and I'm sure, from him to me too)

Tomorrow morning if you wake up
and the sun does not appear
I, I will be here
If in the dark, we lose sight of love
Hold my hand, and have no fear
I, I will be here

# I will be here, when you feel like being quiet,
When you need to speak your mind, I will listen
I will be here, when the laughter turns to cryin'
Through the winning, losing and trying
We'll be together
'Cause I will be here

Tomorrow morning if you wake up
and the future is unclear
I, I will be here
As sure as seasons were made for change
Our lifetime were made for these tears
So, I, I will be here

# I will be here, so you can cry on my shoulder
When the mirror tells us we're older
I will hold you
And I will be here, to watch you grow in beauty,
All tell you all the things, you mean to me
I will be here

B: I will be true, to the promise I have made
To you and to the One, who gave you to me

Just as sure, season were made for change
Our lifetimes were made for these years
So, I, I will be here
We'll be together
'Cause I will be here....


Dear God,
"Thank you, Father Lord, for this reminder as well, that You love me so much and You are always there. Perhaps, I feel like crying because it is so hard to grasp on that thought, that You will be there.. even when I've fell, gone thru mistakes after mistakes in life and ran away from you countless times. Though so, you never failed to assure me, that You are still there, waiting for me to come back into Your loving arms. Remind me of Your love day by day. Help me to understand the love You have for us, Your children. I... wanna love You. Help me love You and in turn, love others around me."

Love,
Your dear child, Liza.


To my dear future husband (whoever you are & if I have one),
Know that I have always loved you. Sorry for the dissapointments & hurt that I have made. I thank you for the times we've shared. Thank you for letting me into your life and giving me a chance to walk with you through the remaining days of our lives. I know that I've never regretted it when I said "I do". Thank you for keeping me pure. Even if we had fell into tempations before marriage, I know that with God by our side, we have overcome it... and our purity would be restored. Know that... as the seasons may change in our lives, even when it may seem as though our love have grown cold, know that I still love you & I want continue to be with you. Remember this song, my love. A promise we've made for each other.

Yours dearly, Lizzie.

Lost for Words

I'm lost for words...
words that may have been kept deep inside of me.

Will be back

I have so many things I want to share but can't seem to find the time to type it all down.
All I have to say for now is - "I'll be back".

Friends... What happened to them?

I realized that I have been spending so much time being busy with my ministries and with my work that I do not have the time to connect with the people around me. It's kinda sad that I feel disconnected at times with my own peers and group of friends. Ones we were so carefree, we can talk about anything, anyhow but now, I often rush in and out and I don't really have the time to really sit down and talk to the people I really care as well as the people that seem close to me before.

Sometimes, it's not just the many things you have to do that takes your time. It is the aftermath of it as well. You'll feel extremely tired.. physically, mentally and all. You'll feel drained out after it all. Therefore, it seem as if you have no time for anything else cuz all you just want do is to REST!

I guess that is why now, I feel so disconnected from the ones I was close to before. I still am really grateful for the ones who stick close and check up on me continuously. I mean, not just talking about work related business kinda thing or surface level of myself but more on the personal level. I really appreciate the effort of those who really encourages me and wanna take a deeper look into my life. At the same time, the person gives me space to breathe. That is how relationships or true friendships works.

I guess, I also have to learn to take the effort. People should know that I am not much of a conversationalist. If one guides me to talk, and we talk about something that I can share and relate about, I can too... if not, i really don't have much to talk about but I really am able to be interested in what you have to say. So, you don't have to be afraid that I am uninterested or I feel bored. Reality is... no, I don't feel bored in what you have to say. I can have fun just by listening. Unless rite, you talk about the same topic repeatedly, whenever we hang out and all... (eg. computer games). In the first place, it is not nice to talk about something on and on, if the person doesn't understand or unable to relate to the topic and esp when you know they are uninterested in the topic.

I can be friendly and try to initiate conversations the first time ya know me and all. But I learn that I don't have to be not myself... get it? Meaning, I can try all I want to be a conversationalist but when I really don't have much to talk about or really don't feel like making a conversation, I don't have to force myself to do so. Of course, I would like to at least make the effort and try la. It's not so good if people thinks that the friendship they have with me is just one-way relationship.

The irony is... sometimes people expect me to do something about the friendship when I don't think they really done much about it either. Seriously! and that really got me thinking, why the heck do I need to bother so much or why do I always have to be the first one who give it a push/initiate/reconcile. Perhaps the expectations of the friendship is different. Like I would like the person to be more (...A...) and the person would like me to be more (...B...). So, there is no shared realities and we think as if, the person is not putting in effort in the friendship as they should be, when they do put effort in it.. just not the kind that we want.

I guess, we just need to learn to understand one another & how each other works. I've been a busy person, but that doesn't mean that I do not care about my friends. I really do. I miss them. I know that I have to do my part of the friendship... but I also hope that it works both ways as well.

Know this... I am not an all rounder. I need my space, I need time for myself. I also need to be cared for and I want to care for my friends as well. I am just human... like anyone of you.